Learn to be Still
by aromine
Summary: Durning the aftermath of the MS break Donna does all she can to keep everyone going, even at the expense of her own health. Will the Josh realize it in time to save her and themselves?


**Disclaimer : I do not own the west wing or any of it's characters. They are fully owned by Aaron Sorkin in all of his brilliance. This was written during the summer they broke the MS storyline. My take on what happened next.**

_**Learn to be Still.**_

_Our lives are devoted to thinking outside the box. To present solutions  
for every problem, crisis and fear that is found within the conscience of the modern world. We chose this life, we struggled for this life._

_For the opportunity to help people believe again in freedom and justice, through our words, with our battles, with our lives. It is the air we breathe. The fuel to keep going no matter what the cost, no matter what the consequences. To know that no matter what we tried to make a difference._

_The walls are closing in now, within our own minds. The once exalted and steady footing of a force that was powerful and demanding has begun to falter and sway like a drunken sheriff grasping for his gun. The masks of protection that had been removed so many years ago are now raised again in fear of betrayal and discourse. The boundaries have been rebuilt and the tide of the envisioned has lost sight of the one  
thing that had kept them driven, kept them fighting, kept them alive.  
The real thing.  
* * *_

_My world is within these four walls._

_Not to say of course that the world beyond these four walls is in anyway inconsequential, for indeed it is not. I am just not concerned with the platitudes of everyday existence because there are no parallels to the existence within this domain._

_It has been two weeks since the President revealed his debilitating disease and plans to run for re-election. The White House and life in general has been chaotic ever since, in a both good ways and bad. They were running for re election with a man whom they all supported, believed in and loved, but we were also dealing with the biggest obstacle any President could fear, impeachment. _

_No one had actually uttered the words yet, that she knew of, but it was on all of their minds. So here they were running in circles. Going one way to gain a second term, while also running in the opposite direction trying to save the first. Everyone was moody, short and exhausted from not only working the long hours of damage control and planning, but from the added stress of keeping their heads above water. _

Donna realized how much had changed and wondered if they would indeed succeed. Everyone's head was in the game, but their hearts were still trying to deal with the sense of betrayal they felt from hearing the shocking news. Sam was quiet, CJ was venomous, and Toby was a howling fury.

Then there was Josh.

She had barely seen him since the funeral, he was bogged down with  
meeting after meeting. Between Congress, the party and Oliver Babish, it was never ending. When he wasn't in meetings he locked himself in his office and didn't appear unless he was getting coffee or needed something. Even then it was a two minute conversation max and he would retreat back into the office, closing the door behind him.

Donna was busy herself, running the office, helping Charlie in the Oval, and doing research for the President, Toby and Sam. She missed him. She knew that he was dealing with the transition of focus and was trying to think outside the box, but still she missed him.  
* * *

Sam walked into the mess and headed straight for the coffee machine. It was 4:45 and Ginger wasn't in yet and he desperately needed caffeine. The soothing sound of clattering from the kitchen rang through the darkened hall as he poured a fresh cup from the machine.

"Morning Sam." Sam turned and watched Donna walk through the door toward him.

"Hey, what are you doing here so early?"

"Working on the docket for Josh's ten thirty."

"Matheson?"

"Yeah."

"How's that going?"

"Fine." Donna replied softly as she poured herself a cup. "Josh has been really busy." Donna continued with an unsteady smile trying to hide the uncertainty of her words.

"Yeah, we've all been really busy." Sam replied as he began to walk away.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"How's it going?"

"I…" Sam replied in hesitation knowing what she was asking. "I honestly don't know."

"Okay." Donna replied as she turned back to her coffee and Sam left the mess.

Truth be told Sam didn't know how it was going, he only knew the battles he had been forced to fight since the announcement. The former ease of a speech became a harrowing experience of word play and subliminal meaning. Nothing was straight forward any more. Duck and cover was the name of the game and he wasn't sure if it was helping.

The heat was on and he was feeling it, he choked on the words of inspiration as they came across hard and cold, without a deeper meaning, with out the vitality that had once come with such ease. He was known for working well under pressure but couldn't figure out why this was different. Was it the fear? Or was it the hole he felt in his soul, the aching from the negligence of truth.

He knew the truth, that was the problem.

9 am

Josh walked to the coffee machine pouring himself a cup and then headed straight to his office where Donna was waiting inside. He didn't say anything and silently set his coffee and back pack on the desk as Donna waited a moment and finally spoke.

"Here's the docket for ten thirty and the notes from yesterday. You have staff in half, and Toby would like to see you before."

"Okay." Josh replied as he watched Donna write something on a post it and lay it on his desk. "You finished the docket for ten?"

"Ten thirty and yes, it is on your desk." Donna replied patiently.

Josh sat down at his desk as he watched her turn and leave the office. He started reading the items on the desk when there was a knock on the door. He looked up watching CJ walk into the room.

"Hey."

"Good Morning Joshua."

"You could call it that. What's up?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You don't usually call me Joshua."

"You're right I don't. Maybe I will start." CJ replied as she looked off behind him out the window. There was an thought filled silence between them, and then CJ turned back to him. "Jennings is coming out this morning with a public denouncement of the Crime appendage."

"Let him."

"Josh…"

"CJ he signed off on it two months ago, he is just going to look like a fool if he backs out now. We'll pick up the vote when I go to Delaware."

"I don't know how much more bandwagon jumping we can take."

"Let em all jump."

"Well that's positive."

"Yeah well it's going to rain."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't know." Josh replied pulling his fingers through his hair in distention..

"Josh."

"Yeah."

"We are still in this right? We're not just treading water?"

"Your legs getting tired?"

"Yeah." CJ replied as she walked out of the office leaving Josh to debate his own  
words. He stood there for a while going over the day before him in his mind. He had a

slew of meetings staring him in the face. Needs he would have to beg for and demands he would have to fight off.

Throw a firecracker under their asses, light 'em up.

Well they had thrown a fire cracker and were nuked in return. Every minute had been touch and go, analyzed and carefully planned. He felt like he was in a mine field with no map. Josh looked up at his closed office door, it was at this point the only thing that shielded him from the blast of criticism. He shook it off and left his office walking down the hall to Leo's office for staff, finding Toby standing outside waiting.

"Josh."

"Yeah."

"Did Donna…"

"Yeah. I got busy." Josh replied his jaw visibly hardening.

"With what?"

"Politics." Josh replied as he ended the conversation walking around him and into Leo's office. Toby followed him into the office and stood against the fireplace. The meeting started and lasted about an hour.

The five of them went back and forth about responses and strategies for the up coming negotiations. The tension in the room was beyond thick it was suffocating. They spoke but said nothing beyond the facts of the obstacles. The passions of the debates were gone, safely tucked away deep in their chests, where it wouldn't hurt anyone including themselves. They had put themselves back on the leash, not wanting to step too far off the edge and loose everything.

Leo felt it, he saw it in their eyes and didn't know what to do, how to console them and regain their confidence and trust. None of them had spoken the fears and feelings of betrayal aloud but he knew they were there.

"Okay that's it. I'll see you at four." Leo said as he ended the meeting as he watched them all file out. "Josh."

"Yeah?"

Leo walked around his desk and took a seat on the chair. "Have a seat." Josh complied silently.

"Oliver wants to talk to Donna."

"Leo…" Josh began to protest. "I thought the whole point of not telling the support staff was to…"

"Josh she's not support staff."

"I know that…" Josh replied his temper beginning to flare.

"She was told before the break…"

"Oliver doesn't know that!"

"Yes he does."

"Toby…" Josh sputtered his temper rising.

"Toby didn't tell him."

"What a surprise…"

"Josh that's not the only reason. She has had more contact with the President than any of the other assistants and she was at the hospital after Rosselyn."

"So he thinks she knew?"

"No, of course not, It's just an informal interview to…"

"Leo she doesn't know anything."

"I know that but Oliver wants…"

"Screw Oliver!" Josh raged finally losing his temper.

"I have tried to hold this back as much as I can." Leo shot back, his frustration coming out with every word. "I have watched him rip this staff from neck to belly, returning them to me with their guts in hand but it's out now and we have to deal with it!"

"Leo…"

"Look Josh, I'm sorry that she is going to have to go through this, but she was privy to information that the rest of the staff wasn't." Leo replied regret in his eyes as he watched Josh push back his frustration.

"Does she know?"

"No, I wanted you to be the one to tell her." Leo replied. "He wants to see her Friday at three."

"Okay." Josh replied his thoughts visibly spinning.

"We'll get through it."

"Yeah."

***

"Donna."

"Yeah." Donna replied as she turned looking up from the filing cabinet.

She watched as Toby walked across the office to her. She pulled the file she was searching for, closing the cabinet and met him half way.

"What's up?"

"I need to see him when he gets back from the Hill."

"Okay." Donna replied with a nod. "Oh, here is the prospectus on the wage increase for 2003."

"Thanks."

"Anytime." She replied walking to her desk and handing him the folder.

He rushed out of the office and down the hall. Donna went to sit back down at her desk and suddenly heard her name again. She looked up seeing Leo enter from the back. He put a hand on her shoulder leaning down to her ear.

"Can you meet the Ambassador of Chile in the mural. He's tied up in appropriations."

"Sure." Donna replied as she stood following him out of the pen.

"Just keep him occupied, he should be done soon. Thanks." Leo replied as he disappeared into his office. Donna continued her stride and again heard her name. Sam popped his head out of the communications pen.

"You have time?"

"Give me about half."

"Okay." Sam replied disappearing again.

Donna looked at her watch. It was quarter past one. Josh wasn't due back until three. I'll meet Chile, talk to Sam and then type up the thing for four. That will put me at two forty five. Maggie and Gwen will be ready by three fifteen. I'll tell Josh about the meeting with Toby, sit down with Maggie and Gwen, relieve Charlie for lunch, finish tomorrow's initiative, talk to Walter about Massachusetts, catalogue the notes from three, and give Sam the number analysis from the Harris. If it is done. Josh is going to need the Baxter and Levithan proposal for five and that will put him in staff at seven. I can finish the callbacks and nose count for the GDC, drop off the Madison mailing for  
Toby, confirm Friday's appointments and be in wrap up with CJ at eight.

Piece of cake.  
* * *

Josh walked through the doors of the West Wing and was promptly met by Donna who smiled brightly.

"How'd it go?"

"Fine."

"Here is the Salis Bill and the notes from Thursday's meeting. You are meeting with Marker and Brown at four. Mackenzie called and he wants to cut another five from the projection."

"Impossible." Josh muttered to himself as he handed her his backpack.

"Toby requested to see you in his office as soon as you returned." Donna replied taking the bag. She waited a moment to see if he needed anything.

"Okay." Josh replied as he watched her turn and rush off down the hall.

He started toward Leo's office, his head ached, it was going to rain and the meeting he just returned from caused more trouble than it was worth.

"Hey." Josh said as he walked into the office as Leo looked up

"How'd it go?"

"You don't want to know."

"It's only been two weeks they're still bristling, give it time."

"Time isn't exactly a luxury right now Leo."

"Why?"

"Because we don't know exactly where this is going to go…"

"Josh we'll handle it, you just stay focused on getting the bill passed."

"Yeah."

Leo stared at him a moment and then looked down at his desk.

"How's it going out there?" Leo asked motioning to the door.

"Fine…good." Josh said feebly as he tugged unconsciously at his ear.

"It's going to be a fight."

"Yeah."

"How is he?" Josh asked tilting his head toward the adjoining door of the Oval office.

"Better."

"Good."

"What's going on with you and Toby?"

"Nothing."

"There seems to be some friction there."

"And how is that unusual?"

"Josh he didn't do it to…"

"Yes he did, Leo."

"He thought you needed her, hell we all needed her."

"Yeah well it isn't the first time that he has put his bureaucratic ego where it didn't belong.." Josh replied as he stared at Leo who automatically understood what he was referring to.

"It needed to be addressed. He figured it out, he came to me. He did  
what needed to be done."

"According to who? Since when did this administration become Toby and then everyone else?"

"Josh…"

"He shouldn't have done it Leo…he should have let me…." Josh replied struggling to contain his frustration. "It wasn't his decision to make."

"No it wasn't."

* * *  
Josh walked into the office hearing Sam yell on the telephone. He waited a moment listening to the conversation when Sam suddenly slammed down the telephone. He looked up seeing Josh and sighed.

"Morris?"

"Yeah."

"It was set, written in stone and now he…"

"I know."

"Who does he have with him?"

"Richards and Ackland."

"What about Alexander?"

"He wants to see me at four." Sam replied in frustration as he took a sip from his water. "How'd it go on the hill?"

"Gunderson wants a drop in."

"I heard." Sam replied as his mind went elsewhere. "What does he want to say?"

"He pretty much wants the President to acknowledge Hoines development

of the Oil sanctions."

"Why?"

"I don't know I haven't been able to figure that part out."

"What did you say?'

"I told him I would get back to him, he grumbled something and became annoyingly insistent."

"Yeah well a lot of people seem to be veraciously insistent lately."

"You noticed that too?" Josh replied as Donna walked into the office.

"I am going to be in a coma from all of the brow beating."

"At least there will be drugs."

"Here." Donna said with a smile as she walked up to Sam, she handed him a file leaving one in her hand.

"Thanks" Sam replied taking the file from her. She turned and left the office again.

"What's that?"

"Just something I asked Donna to help me with."

"Why did you ask for Donna's help?"

"She's great at research."

"Yeah."

"What's up?"

"Huh?"

"What's up, you seem…"

"Josh."

"Yeah?" Josh replied as he brought himself back to the conversation.

"Where are you?"

"Nowhere," Josh just looked at him and Sam shook his head as CJ stepped into the doorway of the office.

"Hey, you guys heard about Kinkaid?"

"Yeah," Josh replied.

"What?"

"He's put Aston 83 on the table." Josh explained.

"I thought we buried it with Hausen?"

"Apparently not." CJ answered. "I am going to need a response for the three."

"Yeah." Sam replied as CJ turned walking out of the office as Toby walked in.

"Larson never said it was proportional."

"No he said it was commensurable" CJ turned as she snapped at him.

"Then why did you say it was proportional?"

"It's the same thing."

"Do they know that?"

"I would think that with a masters in English and Journalism most of them would."

"You don't think. You tell them what is written."

"What if it's crap?"

"CJ…"

"Toby I told them it was proportional, it's not like I told them it was polemic. Which is going to be the perfect description of this conversation if you don't back off!" CJ finished as she stormed out of the communications pen. Toby let her go, unaffected as he entered Sam's office.

"Are you done?"

"No." Sam replied sharply.

"Why not?"

"Because I just spent the past hour on the telephone with every congressman I know trying to convince them that they are not going to pull out on Delfy. So needless to say I have been a little busy." Sam explained in frustration.

"You do realize that we need to have the…"

"Yes, Toby, but I am only Robin remember and if you hadn't noticed the bat cave is in flames."

"Robin?" Josh asked.

"Get it done." Toby replied as he walked out of the office and into his own. Josh stood and began to leave the office also when Toby called to him and Josh walked over standing in the doorway.

"You talked to Baxter?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And I'll have Donna drop by the notes." Josh replied as he turned swiftly and walked away. Toby stared after him a moment and then went back to his desk.

* * *

Donna watched Josh walk out of the Communications pen, she tried to catch up with him calling his name several times. Finally, she reached him as he entered the office slamming the door as she approached. She stood for a moment staring the door, within seconds she heard her name being called as Charlie approached.

"Donna, could you cover the Oval for a few minutes, I have to run to the residence and get some items the President forgot."

"Sure." Donna replied as she briefly looked at the documents in her hands.

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked as he looked to her and then the closed door they were standing in front of.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll go over right now." Donna replied as she pushed back her feelings and smiled.

"Thanks."

"Sure." Donna replied as she headed off to the Oval office. She got half way when she heard her name again, Toby taking stride next to her.

"What's up?"

"Do you have time to proof this for me?" Toby asked as he handed her a document.

"When do you need it by?"

"Nine."

"Okay."

"Donna keep it…"

"Yeah, okay." She replied as she put it underneath the other documents in her hands. He turned off as she walked into the Oval office. She arrived at Charlie's desk and heard the President calling from the main office. She put down the items in her hands and walked into the Oval.

"Charlie."

"Did you need something sir?"

"Donna, I was looking for Charlie."

"He went to the residence sir. Is there anything I can help you with."

"Yes, could you get me Oliver Babish on the telephone?"

"Yes sir." Donna replied as she turned and walked back out into the reception area picking up the telephone. Leo walked in as she reached Oliver's assistant, she quickly asked for him and then used the intercom to inform the President that he was waiting on the line.

"You might want to close the door, their conversations tend to be tumultuous." Leo suggested with a smirk.

"Thanks for the warning." Donna replied as she walked over closing the  
door.

"You seen Josh lately?"

"No, he's been really busy."

"You may want to stop and see him later when it calms down."

"Okay." Donna replied as Leo looked up and then entered the Oval office. As he opened the door the resounding frustration of the President's conversation echoed from the door and then was silenced as it closed.

***

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Have you seen Donna?"

"No, why?"

"I wanted to talk to her and I can't find her anywhere." Josh explained as he leaned against Sam's doorway.

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"I don't know, earlier."

"You see Matheson?"

"Yeah."

"How'd it go?"

"He'll only keep his name in if we reinstate Article six."

"That's stupid. If you put it in you'll loose Morris, Webster and Marks."

"Yeah."

"You talk to Leo?"

"Not yet. You talk to Gunderson?"

"No, I see him at three."

"Toby going with you?"

"No, he's on the hill with Rodgers until six."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

His stomach began to knot uncomfortably as Josh began his search for Donna again, he admitted to himself that it was his own fault. Ever since his meeting with Leo, he had avoided her and thus the conversation he needed to have with her. It sounded in his own mind as if he was going to reprimand her or something. When in fact the conversation was worse. He would be sentencing her to an interrogation with Oliver Babish, a punishment worse than any reprimand ever given to anyone. She didn't deserve either, she had worked hard and faithfully for all of them and now she had been caught up in something no one could control. Josh left the office and walked down the hall running into Margaret.

"Hey Margaret you seen Donna?"

"No, not since this morning why?"

"I need her." Just then he saw Donna walking down the corridor toward them. "There she is thanks."

"Sure."

"Donna."

"Josh." Donna replied as she began putting the folders in her arms at seemingly random desks throughout the bullpen.

"Where were you?"

"I was helping Leo downstairs."

"I can't find the notes from yesterday."

"They are on your desk."

"No they're not."

"They were when I put them there this morning."

"No you didn't."

"Josh, yes I did."

"When?"

"This morning when I put them on your desk and said here are the notes from yesterday." Donna replied as she turned the corner, briefly stopping at her desk and picking up another load of files.

"Well they are not there now." Josh replied in irritation.

"Okay." Donna replied softly as he followed her into his office. She set down the pile in her arms walked over to his desk, looked for half a second and turned back to him file in hand. He took it from her and looked seeing it was the file he had been searching for and it was in fact on his desk.

"Thanks."

"Sure." Donna replied with a smile as she reclaimed the pile she had just set down and started out of the office.

"Donna."

"Yeah?"

"Where are you going?"

"To hand out the memo you had me write this morning." Donna replied turning to him. "Do you need something?"

"No, just close the door will you?"

"Sure." Donna replied her face falling a little as she left the office closing the door behind her.  
* * *

Midnight

Josh sat at his desk staring at the book in front of him, he was finding it hard to focus and rubbed his eyes. There was a knock on the door and then he heard it open slowly. Donna walked into the office, the lights were dim and he could barely make out her features.

"I hope I'm not…" She said just above a whisper.

"No."

"I just wanted to drop off the final draft of the speech for Saturday."

"What time is it?" Josh asked as she straightened his back.

"A little after midnight."

"Okay." Josh replied as Donna handed him the document and turned to walk out the door. "Donna."

"Yeah?"

"Have a seat." He realized how cold the statement sounded as Donna sat  
down in the chair across from him, looking anxious. He had planned exactly what he was going to say but his stomach was still in knots.

"Donna, I talked to Leo yesterday and he told me that…" Josh started as he finally took in her worried face. She looked tired, more tired than usual. Not that they weren't all tired but she looked almost dead and Josh's heart began to beat a little faster as he tried to scan his mind for an explanation. "Oliver Babish wants to interview you on Friday."

"Me, why?"

"He seems to think there is some reason we singled you out from the other support staff when I…Toby told you about the President's….condition."

"Oh."

"It is an informal interview, it shouldn't take long."

"Okay." Donna replied thoughtfully. Josh watched her clasp her hands firmly in her lap as she waited for him to continue. "When on Friday?"

"Three."

"Okay." Donna replied as she stood from the chair and walked toward the door.

"Donna…"

"Yes?"

Josh stared at her a moment silently, she was standing a few feet away but it seemed like miles. He tried to read her eyes, her expression, but couldn't. He looked down at his desk trying to resist the walls inside as they threatened to fall.

"I'm going to finish up, I'll see you in the morning." Donna said as she broke the suddenly silence between them.

Josh nodded silently as he watched her leave the office, closing the door behind her. He sat there in the darkness replaying the conversation. She was fine. Not that he expected her not to be. She was tough, she could handle Oliver as well as any of them.

There was something he was missing, it had tugged at him when he saw her, something he hadn't noticed. Not that it would have been hard. He had been so caught up in his own thoughts lately, distracted by the morality of his conscience.

He should go after her and tell her that she had worked enough for one day, and to go home.

But no, he sat there staring at an endless stream of words looking for the loop holes and traps like the insensitive prick everyone thought he was.

He should have been the one to tell her.

No.

Toby should have never told her at all. If he had just kept his mouth shut she  
wouldn't have to go through this. She would never have to know the icy glare of Oliver Babish.

How had everything spun so quickly? One minute they were laughing about dead audience jokes and the ERA and the next they were plummeted into a reality none of them would have ever imagined. With threats of impeachment trials and ducking behind party lines as to not piss too many people off. There was no way to get beyond it, the threat of it was thrown into every debate, initiative and compromise. The worst part  
was they've started bargaining just to push things through, to get the job done as quickly and quietly as possible for fear of too many waves in the ocean.

The problem was, Josh liked the waves, he enjoyed monsoons, it made for better surfing. He pushed the thoughts aside and went back to work. Burying himself in the platitudes of the laws and stride of the US government.

***

Josh had fallen asleep at his desk again. He lifted his head to look at the clock, his neck screamed as he sat upright and debated on whether to go home. It was 4:12. the couches were still set up downstairs, and Donna had picked up his dry-cleaning so it would probably be easier to get a few hours down there than going all the way home.

Josh dragged his body through the darkened halls and down the stairs to the basement, he fumbled with the door and then pushed it open. He winced at the brightness of the light as his eyes fell on the couch across the room. Donna was lying on it, a document was spread across her chest, sound asleep. A cup of coffee and a bottle of Tylenol lay on the floor next to the couch.

What was she doing here? Why hadn't she gone home like she said she was going to? Did she say she was going to? Josh's mind buzzed, fully awake now. His chest tightened as he blamed himself for not knowing the answers to his own questions.

Josh crept toward her slowly, not wanting to wake her. He pulled a blanket from the end of the couch and knelt slowly down beside her. She looked angelic and peaceful, her breathing steady and soft. He carefully pulled the document from her hand setting it on the floor and then covered her with the blanket. She didn't move and Josh breathed a sigh of relief. He stared at her a moment as if studying a beautiful painting. He brushed a lock of hair from her cheek and then stood leaving the room.

He went back over the past few weeks, he had barely seen her but they had been busy. He was in and out more than usual and she was…

What had she been doing? He didn't know. He knew that she was still doing everything he need or wanted. But before he would know at any given moment where she was or where she was going to be, what had changed?

Josh chewed on his thoughts as he walked through the pen back to his  
office, he walked in and shut the door. It resounded through the office deafening him and his heart dropped as he turned back to the door.

He had shut her out.

6:30 am

Donna walked through the pen trying to stay focused in what she needed  
to do. She stopped at the communications pen and walked into Toby's office, knocking on the door as she entered.

"Hi."

"Hi." Donna replied with a smile as she approached his desk. He looked tired and ruffled. "Here is the breakdown you requested and the revisions to the speech for Saturday."

"You going?"

"Where?"

"To the thing."

"I guess, I hadn't really thought about it." Donna replied as she turned to walk out of the office.

"You should go."

"Why?"

"It might be fun." Toby replied awkwardly.

"Toby, did you just say fun?"

"Yeah."

"What is this world coming to?"

"I keep asking myself that same thing."

"You want some coffee? You look like you've had a rough morning." Toby tried to protest as he watched Donna walk out of the office and then reappear a few minutes later with a steaming cup of coffee.

"Black right?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Sure." Donna replied with a smile and then turned leaving the office.

She headed down across the pen to CJ's office stopping at the coffee  
machine again before knocking on the door.

"Hi Donna." CJ replied looking up from her desk as Donna walked in handing her the cup of coffee she had just prepared. "Thanks."

"Sure," Donna replied. "Here is the draft for the three, Sam said that they would be able to go over the revisions in staff at ten."

"Okay, thanks." CJ replied as she took the document and went back to her reading. Donna smiled and walked back out into the hall heading now to Leo's office. She stopped at Margaret's desk and smiled as the woman looked up.

"Morning Donna."

"Morning, I got a message that Leo needed to see me?"

"Yeah, go on in."

"Thanks." Donna replied as she walked forward into Leo's office. He was on the telephone and she waited patiently for the conversation to end. After a few moments Leo hung up the telephone and looked up acknowledging Donna. "You needed to see me?"

"Yeah Donna have a seat." Leo replied as he took a seat across from the couch. Donna sat down silently and waited. She was pretty sure she knew what it was about but waited for him to speak. "I wanted to talk with you about your deposition with Oliver tomorrow. I am assuming Josh already told you that you will be meeting with him?"

"Yes, he told me about it last night."

"I know that this is an uncomfortable position to be in and I a want to assure you that there is nothing for you to be nervous about. Oliver is just going to ask you some standard questions. Just tell him the truth and listen to what he has to say."

"Of course."

"Now, you will probably be the only assistant to be questioned about the events of the days proceeding the announcement. I want you to feel free to ask me or Josh or any of the other members of the senior staff any questions or concerns you may have, before or after your meeting with Oliver."

"Thank you, Leo."

"You're welcome." Leo replied with a smile.

"Was there anything else?" Donna replied as she stood up to leave.

"No, that's all Donna." Leo replied as Donna smiled as turned, she swayed a moment losing her balance reaching for the arm of the couch. She quickly regained her balance and walked toward the door.

"Donna."

"Yes sir?"

"My door is always open.'

"Thank you, sir."  
* * *

Josh walked into his office setting down his backpack, he waited a moment and then headed out into the hallway toward Donna's desk. It was empty, just then CJ came up behind him.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"What's wrong."

"Nothing."

"Then why do you look lost?"

"I just…." Josh started as he searched the surrounding area. "Have you  
seen Donna?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"About twenty minutes ago."

"Do you know where she was going after she left you?"

"No, Joshua I don't keep track of your staff," She replied in irritation. "Look I only have a second but I need the brief from your meeting with Jennings."

"Yeah…" Josh replied as he walked back to his office, he walked around to his desk and handed her the brief.

"Thanks." CJ replied as she hurried out of the office and down the hallway. Just then Donna came walking down the hall. Josh jumped and headed after her.

"Morning." Josh said getting her attention as he took stride beside her.

"Morning Joshua."

"Where were you?"

"Around."

" Around?"

"Yes."

"Around where exactly?"

"Josh if I went through all of the places I have been since this conversation we would be standing here for the next twenty minutes which is obviously a huge waste of time." Donna replied as she pulled a file off of her desk and walked toward his office. He followed and watched as she proceeded to place the file on his desk and begin to organize the scattered papers.

"Well what are you doing now?"

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"Josh, what's going on?"

"Nothing I just…" Josh started as the telephone rang. Donna picked it up answering it politely and then told the person to hold.

"It's Reynolds."

"Thanks." Josh replied as he took the receiver from her outreached hand.

"You have staff in ten." Donna replied as he nodded and she started toward the door. She stopped suddenly and then turned beginning to close it. Josh met her eyes as he shook his head not to, while greeting the congressman on the line. Donna nodded and left the office disappearing down the hallway. Josh watched after her and his eye line  
was abruptly cut off as Sam entered the office. Josh finished his conversation and hung up the telephone.

"Hey."

"Hey." Sam replied as he walked out of the office with Josh.

"That thing yesterday."

"What thing?"

"The thing Donna gave you."

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you have Bonnie or Ginger do it."

"They didn't have time, and Donna offered."

"Oh." Josh replied in contemplation. "Has she been helping you a lot?"

"I don't know why?" Sam asked as he looked intently at him. Before Josh had a chance to answer Toby walked up saying something to Sam and Josh's eyes moved across the pen to Donna talking with Charlie. He watched as Charlie went down the hall and Donna walked toward where they were standing. Josh smiled as she approached. He thought she saw him but she didn't respond as she turned the corner toward the Oval office.

"Josh."

"Yeah?"

"Why?"

"No reason, just curious."  
* * *

"Good Morning Donna, what brings you to the Oval office this morning?" The President greeted as he walked into the office.

"I am covering for Charlie a few minutes, sir. He had to run an errand."

"Good it will give us a chance to talk. Come on in."

"Yes sir." Donna replied in confusion as she followed the President  
into the Oval office. She watched as he made his way around the desk to her.

"Donna would you mind if I asked you a question?"

"No sir."

"Good." The President replied as he took a seat in the chair, he motioned for Donna to take a seat also and she did so. "You are Josh's assistant so you see what goes on in the reality within these walls. I on the other hand are fairly isolated here in my little corner of the West Wing."

"Yes sir."

"What I am going to ask you Donna is something that you may find odd, but I want you to feel completely comfortable in being candid in your response."

"Of course sir."

"In light of recent events I have found it hard to accurately read the staff's feelings and or concerns about my condition. And the ramifications that go with it as to pertain to this administration. I was wondering of you could give me some insight concerning this."

Donna was speechless, she couldn't breath. The President was asking her in simple terms to describe how the staff was dealing with the announcement.

"Sir, I'm not sure that…"

"Donna you have to understand that if I were to ask Toby or even Josh this same question they would tell me what I want to hear. I am counting on you not to do that."

"Yes sir." Donna replied as she tried to gather her thoughts as a haze of shock and nervousness that clouded her brain. "Sir the shock of your condition was subdued by the impending dealings of the media and the interrogations of White House Counsel. They, the Senior Staff, have done their best to work as if it is business as usual."

"It's not working is it?"

"Sir I…." Donna started and then stopped in hesitation. She looked at the President, the man sitting in front of her with a very real look of concern and interest in his eyes. Their were layers of pain and conflicting resolve behind his confident stature. It touched her and she decided to say what was needed to be said. "Sir I don't believe  
that the staff has been able to vocalize, and therefore deal with, their unsettling feelings of upheaval and trepidation. They are trying to muddle through without having to acknowledge that they are hurt and confused by what has happened." Donna finished the statement and let out a deep sigh.

She watched the President closely as he leaned forward holding his head in his hands. He finally looked back up at her and smiled.

"Thank you Donna, so very much."

"You're welcome sir." Donna replied as she stood and walked out of the Oval office leaving him alone with her words. She closed the door and sat down in the chair behind Charlie's desk her hands shaking.

"Hey." Charlie said as he walked into the office. "Does he need  
anything?"

"No, not right now."

"Thanks for covering for me Donna."

"No problem."

***

Josh returned from the Hill later that afternoon and headed straight for his office hoping to find Donna. Unfortunately there was no sign of her, he perused the halls in search of her and ended up taking stride with CJ.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for Donna have you seen her?"

"Is this like a new game you two are playing or what?"

"No…what?"

"Well every time I see you , you are looking for her. Everyone seems to  
have seen her but you."

"I'm beginning to notice that. So you have seen her…"

"The last time I saw her was about three hours ago in the Oval office." CJ replied as she studied Josh scanning the room.

"What was she doing there?"

"I think she was helping the President with something,"

"Oh."

"Josh what's going on?"

"Nothing I just…" Josh replied as he stopped turning to CJ.

"CJ!" They heard echo off the walls as Toby approached.

"Toby I am kind of in the middle…" CJ replied in annoyance at his blustering.

"I need you in my office."

"Toby…"

"Now." Toby replied with a glare. CJ sighed shrugged her shoulders and walked across the pen to the communications office disappearing behind Toby's office door. Josh searched the arena once more and turned heading back to his office. As he turned the corner Donna took stride next to him.

"Hello."

"Hey." Josh replied his face studying hers.

"How was the hill?"

"Better than expected."

"Really?" Donna replied suddenly interested in the conversation.

"Yeah, I think I am making progress."

"That's great Josh!" Donna replied enthusiastically as he followed her to her desk as she began going through the files.

"Josh!" Leo called form his office.

"Yeah?" Josh called back as he peeked around the corner. Leo waved him down and Josh looked back to Donna who had been pulled off into the corner by one of the support staff. Josh sighed and turned, heading down to meet Leo. As he entered the office Leo motioned for him to close the door. Josh complied and turned back toward the desk. "What's up?"  
* * *

Toby looked up from his desk to see Donna standing in the doorway.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey. I just wanted to know if the numbers I gave you were at all helpful?"

"Yeah they were, thanks."

"Sure. Here's the revised addendum to prop 83." Donne replied with a smile as she crossed the office to his desk. She handed it to him and turned to head out the door.

"Thanks." Toby replied watching her leave. She suddenly paused a moment at the door, her hand going to her temple. She leaned heavily against the door an Toby rose from his chair in concern. "Donna are you alright?"

"I'm fine…" Donna paused a second and then quickly turned to face him with a smile. "Headache."

"Do you want something…" Toby asked as he looked at his desk for his bottle of Tylenol. He looked back up suddenly seeing the pale weariness of her face, he hadn't noticed before.

"No thanks I already took something." Donna replied with another smile and walked out of the communication pen. Toby watched her go and then turned back into his office.

***

Donna walked down the hall trying to make the pounding in her head disappear. She tried to shut out the chaos of the office as it threatened to suffocate her. She suddenly felt numb and vulnerable. A few people called her name and she continued to walk knowing that she needed to sit down for just a minute and gather her thoughts.

She finally made it to her desk and began to take a deep breath, she closed her eyes and when she reopened them three people were standing at her desk with questions. She answered them as quickly and completely as she could when three more arrived.

She was now running on Autopilot, walking around doing what need to be done but not consciously paying attention to where she was or what she was doing. CJ had come up to ask her something and then Sam. She replied, not even hearing her own words and they disappeared. There was suddenly silence and she looked around realizing she was standing in front of Leo's office. She shook her head trying to come back to her self as she headed back to her own desk again. She made it half way when Charlie appeared asking her to come down to the Oval and help him with something for the President. She took a deep breath and followed.

***

Josh sat in his office concentrating on the reading in front of him, he felt a shadow fall across the desk and immediately looked up in hopes of seeing Donna. Toby stood before him instead and Josh went back to the reading.

"Where were you?"

"When?"

"An hour ago."

"Why?"

"We need to go over the speech before Saturday."

"I looked at it, it's fine."

"Josh…"

"Toby, I'm really busy I don't have time to second guess you right now."

"I didn't know you ever were before."

"Well now you do." Josh replied his jaw hardening as he meet Toby's glare.

"What is this?" Toby asked, stiffening his back as he closed the door. "Are you getting ready to jump ship?"

"Screw you Toby, I don't need a lifeboat."

"Could have fooled me and probably everyone else around her with the way you have been walking around with your head up your ass," Toby snapped.

"I'm not the one…"

"Cut the crap Josh!" Toby roared back at him. "It's no wonder the

Democratic party has gone shopping!"

"You cut the crap Toby! Who died and made you judge, jury and redeemer?"

"It seemed to have happened when you lost your balls and went AWOL!"

"I didn't put us here."

"You're right, Josh, I'm sorry," Toby replied his voice thick with sarcasm. "I'm the one who pushed the President to come out, I am the rat bastard who got us here! I did it all! Blame me if that makes you get off the fence and get back in the game!"

"I never left the game!"

"Really?" Toby replied with a cutting sarcasm. "Hoines ask you to run his campaign yet?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Hoines is going to challenge…"

"That's the way it looks." Toby replied his voice edged in venom. "So I ask you Josh, who's side are you on besides your own?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means as you have locked yourself in your office for the past few weeks the only thing the country has seen is it's attack dog with it's tail between it's legs!"

"Toby…"

"They'll think what we tell them to think. That's what we said! The only thing you are telling them is you are here to fight the battle, but you'll be damned if you get blood on your shirt!."

"What do you want me to do, Toby, lie? Because I think that's how we ended up here in the first place!"

"No I want the guy I met three years ago that was willing and able to take on big tobacco, the conservation lobby and the GDC! Instead I have courage the cowardly dog!"

"Yeah well it is a lot easier to write the words than it is to speak them!"

"That's bullshit and you know it!"

"If it is than you tell me the way it is Toby, you tell me what I am missing! Because I sure as hell haven't been able to figure it out. When did I leave the game because as far as I can tell I am still standing here!"

"Josh this administration was founded on the principles of freedom and the unified voice. Not of one man but of the men who stand beside him. The message of that man is stirred by us, in the words we write, the actions we take, our commitment to the truth and our strength shown in the face of consternation. When they see that we are not standing beside him anymore why should they trust us when we say his is a great leader who can do what needs to be done for the continued prosperity of this nation." Toby explained in frustration. "If you don't believe that anymore maybe you should go work for Hoines." Toby finished as the telephone on Josh's desk rang.

"Lyman…yeah…okay I'll be right down." Josh replied as slammed down the receiver and walked silently out of the office.  
* * *

Donna walked out of the Oval office and down the hall. She was on a mission to sit at her desk for more than two minutes without someone calling her name.

"Donna."

So much for that idea at least she hadn't reached her desk yet.

"Yeah?" Donna replied turning as Sam walked up to her.

"I need your help for like an hour, do you have time?"

"I really…"

"Please." Sam replied bringing out the begging puppy dog eyes.

"Yeah okay, but can you give me an hour? I have to finish up something." Donna replied as Sam nodded and she continued to her desk. As she approached she watched Josh storm out of his office and down the hall. Toby exited soon after as Donna sat down. She pulled out various documents and files and faced her computer, she typed in a few words but was interrupted by the calling of her name again.

"I'll be right there." Donna called back as she continued to type. She quickly finished and went to log out when a window popped up saying that she had unread messages in her email. She quickly loaded the screen and found it, she opened it and read it quickly.

"Donna." Kathy asked as she approached the desk. "Yeah?" "Do you have time to look over this before I give it to accounting?"

"Not really I have to go, but give it to me and I will look at it and drop it off myself." Donna replied as she stood, taking the folder from the woman's hands.

"Are you sure? That's kind of out of the way."

"No, I have to go over anyway."

"Okay, thanks." Kathy replied with a smile as Donna walked out of the pen and down the stairs. Her heart was beating wildly as she forced herself to calm down and breath, There was nothing to be nervous about, she was just on her way to see the devil, Oliver Babish.  
* * *

"CJ."

"Sam."

"Why did you say it was commensurable and not proportional?"

"What?" CJ replied with a sigh as she threw a file on her desk.

"Why did you tell the Press it was…"

"I heard you the first time."

"So."

"Why?"

"I was just curious."

"You know Sam curiosity killed the cat."

"A cat has nine lives, what's your point?"

"My point is, why do you care?"

"It was written one way and you read it as another, I was just wondering why."

"Is a problem for you?"

"No, I just haven't known you to do that before."

"No, I haven't." CJ admitted as she took a deep breath.

"So why now?"

"I don't know Sam, maybe I was being rebellious."

"Rebellious against what?"

"Rebellious against these chains that I feel around my neck. Rebellious against the institutional fear of the unknown and the dreaded conspiracies of the political world. I honestly don't know. I just…" CJ broke off as she glanced out the window as if to find her words within the darkening skies.

"CJ."

"Yeah?"

"A little rebellion is good now and then. Especially when the ground is shaking beneath your feet."

"The ground isn't shaking anymore Sam. The building is falling."

"Then I guess we will just have to build a new one."  
* * *

Donna walked into the conference room an hour and a half later. There  
were a couple of other associates there and Donna took a seat at the table as Sam continued to go over Saturday's speech.

She gathered that he was looking for honest comments and Donna tried to listen intently, but her thoughts kept going back to her recent experience.

She leaned forward pouring herself a glass of water, the pitcher almost falling out of her shaking hands. Sam looked at her in concern but kept going with his notes. She took a sip from the glass and tried to breath. Her head was pounding as the water trickled down her throat and her mind spun through the questions she was forced to endure in the hours before.

Why do you think Mr. Zeigler picked you out of all of the support to be  
the first to know of the President's condition?

How well do you know the President?"

What is your relationship with Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman?

Did he ever speak of concerns about the President's health?

Did he ever ask you to lie verbally or in documentation about the President's health?

How far are you willing to go to protect Mr. Lyman?

Did you lie for him Donna, did you ever mislead the American people in the name of protection for your boss or the President?

Do you understand that you will be under investigation by a grand jury  
and special prosecutor for fraud just like the rest of the senior staff?

_Breath Donna just breath…_

Donna was barely able to push back the flooding of emotion that was threatening to over take her. She knew that the inquiry would be hard but she felt as she had been mentally raped. He just kept going and going. He kept insisting that she didn't know what she was talking about. She wasn't taking any of this seriously and that she had been a contributing part of a national conspiracy to defraud the American people.

He coldly chastised her for her loyalty and devotion to her job, explaining that he was simply mimicking the questions and barrage that could be expected from the special prosecutor.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door of the conference room, Donna looked up forcing herself back into the moment.

"Sam, I'm sorry to interrupt but can I borrow Donna for a couple of minutes?" CJ asked as she looked to Sam and then Donna.

"Sure, we need to take a break anyway." Sam replied as Donna quickly stood and started toward the door where CJ was waiting. She made it about half way and swayed a little on her feet. Sam looked up as Donna grabbed for the chair beside her and she suddenly went pale. "Donna…"

Before her name left his lips, he watched her knees buckled and her body fall hard to the floor taking the chair down with her. Sam jumped to his feet, climbing over the table, down onto the ground beside her. She was completely unconscious. He

quickly checked her pulse and breathing as CJ came next to him.

"Sam…"

"Call an ambulance. Somebody find Josh!"

***

Josh returned from the Hill around six, he had expected Donna to meet him at the door as she always did but she was no where to be found. Where was she? He tried all day to catch up with her for more than a few minutes. The image of her sleeping on the couch the night before kept coming back to him. He was going to make sure she went home and slept tonight even if that meant he had to drag her there and stand in front of the door of her bedroom. He started toward his office when Margaret called to him.

"Josh!"

"Yeah?" Josh replied looking up as Margaret rushed to him looking in a panic.

"How is she?" She asked as Josh felt his stomach begin to knot

"Who?"

"Donna…"

"What about Donna?"

"I thought…"

"Margaret what's going on?" Josh asked his voice rising in alarm as Margaret stopped a moment gathering her thoughts.

"Josh, Donna collapsed."

"What?" Josh exclaimed as he felt the color drain from his face.

"She was in a meeting with Sam when it happened, CJ called an ambulance. They came and took her to the hospital."

"I…is she okay?"

"I don't know, we haven't heard anything since they left, I'm sorry I thought you knew…" Margaret trailed off as Josh turned and ran out of the building.

***

He waited to long, he should have sent her home as soon as he saw he last night. He should have woken her up and demanded to know why she was there and what was going on. Josh's mind reeled in anxiety and concern as he tore through the streets of Washington. He finally arrived bursting through the door of the hospital, his heart beating wildly. As he walked to the elevator he saw Leo and ran up to him.

"How is she?"

"I don't know, I just got here myself." Leo replied as they stepped onto the elevator. They rode up to the third floor quietly and walked down the hall seeing CJ and Sam sitting and waiting.

"What happened?" Leo asked as Josh stood quietly beside him.

"She was in a meeting with me when CJ asked for her help. She got up  
and just collapsed." Sam explained helplessly as he looked to Josh.

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, apparently she is suffering from dehydration and an extreme case of exhaustion."

"Have you seen her?" Josh asked.

"No, they won't let anyone in, the doctor said she needs to sleep." Sam replied as Josh turned in frustration and Leo stared at the floor.

"How the hell did this happen?" Leo asked.

"I don't…" Josh replied helplessly, words unable to form through the worry.

"Didn't you know how many hours she was working?" Leo asked as he turned to Josh who looked as lost as the rest of them felt. "Josh?"

Josh just shook his head, speechless. Leo looked back to Sam and CJ  
with still no response.

"Okay we have all been working hard. I want everyone to take the night off. We'll discuss this in the morning." Leo finished with a sigh as he walked away from them to the nurses desk.

"Josh I…" Sam tried to offer as he stood next to Josh.

"It's okay Sam it wasn't your fault I should have seen…" Josh replied.

He should known that with everything that had happened that Donna would throw herself into her work. But he hadn't, he had not only shut her out he'd abandoned her, when she needed him the most.

CJ spoke with Leo for a few minutes and they headed toward the  
elevator.

"Keep me posted." Leo said to Josh and Sam as he passed.

"I am going to go back to the Manor and make sure that this doesn't get out. Call me if you need anything." CJ replied as she squeezed Josh's arm in support. "It was all of our fault, not just yours."

"Thanks." Josh replied as he and Sam watched them leave the hospital. "You want some coffee?"

"Yeah." Josh replied as Sam disappeared down the hallway. Josh walked up to the nurses desk and asked what room Donna was in. She gave him the room number but stressed that he was not to go in. Josh agreed and walked silently down the hall. He stopped in front of the closed door and stared at it a moment.

_Donnatella._

He suddenly felt empty and lost. Josh didn't know where he was or what he was doing. He wanted to touch the door but couldn't, he knew it would be cold and hard without any give of entrance. He knew that he was trapped here behind the door when what he wanted was inside.

He stepped back and turned going back to the waiting room, as he sat down Sam returned with coffee handing him a cup.

"Thanks."

"Sure." Sam replied taking the seat beside him.

"Does Toby know what happened?"

"I don't know, probably not or he would have already been here."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Just curious."

"I gather from what I've seen that Toby isn't on the top of your speed dial lately."

"Yeah." Josh replied quietly as he recalled their earlier conversation. "Toby accused me of jumping ship to work for Hoines again."

"Why?"

"He said that it is looking like Hoines is going to challenge us for the Democratic nod."

"Hoines isn't that stupid is he?"

"No he's just opportunistic, he plays it as he's been running things instead of us and…well it's just speculation at this point."

"Why would Toby think that you are going to jump ship?"

"He said I have been walking around with my head up my ass."

"Yeah well we all…"

"Sam."

"Yeah?"

"What do you say when they throw the inquiry on the table?"

"I…" Sam started as he struggled for the answer. "I claim plausible deniability. I tell them that I didn't know and that it has no bearing on the topic at hand."

"And if they say it does?"

"That's usually when the conversation ends." Sam admitted with a sigh.

"Do you think what he did was wrong?"

"It's not for me to decide."

"Yes it is."

"How?"

"Would you have joined the campaign knowing that the Josiah Bartlet has MS."

"I don't know, that's not the way it happened."

"No it's not." Josh replied as there was a long silence between them. "I don't think I would have."

"You don't?" Sam asked as the shock of the admittance hit him.

"If Leo would have come up to me and said I have this great candidate. I want you to join us and by the way he has MS, I would have laughed in his face."

"Wow." Sam replied still absorbing the statement.

"After three years of knowing with every ounce of my mind that he is the real thing, being in office with this incredible leader… I can't help but wonder if it has all been a lie." Josh replied in conflict.

"It hasn't, it couldn't have been."

"I just…I just don't know what I am fighting for anymore."

"Neither do I." Sam replied simply as they were both plunged into their own conscience.

Josh jerked awake, his neck screaming in protest at him. As he winced and opened his eyes he found Toby sitting in the chairs across from him. Sam was gone and the waiting room was empty with exception of Toby and himself.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"How long have you been here?'

"About an hour."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"Didn't see the need."

"Did you talk to the nurse?"

"Yeah, she's still sleeping."

"What time is it?" Josh asked as he pulled at his sleeve to look at his watch.

"Two." Toby replied. "Are you planning to stay here all night?"

"Yeah."

"Is that wise?" Toby asked as he sat forward resting his elbows on his  
knees.

"I really don't care if it is wise or not." Josh cut back to him.

"I just meant that it would probably be better if you got some rest as well so that when she does wake up she won't have the added anxiety of having to worry about you." Toby explained quietly.

Josh took the words and swallowed them, know that Toby was probably right but he didn't want to admit it.

"I'm sorry that I accused you of jumping ship earlier today. I'm just not sure where you are. I'm not really sure where any of us are." Toby offered to him.

"Yeah well you were wrong."

"Yeah. I tend to forget that I had a few more hours of absorption time than the rest of you."

"Yeah you did."

"When I told Donna about the President I did it because I thought that it would help you with the reality of what was going to happen. If I was wrong in doing that I apologize."

"You weren't wrong, you should have just…" Josh tried to reply as he lost himself in the underlying frustration of his gut. "No, you were wrong. It wasn't you call to make,." Josh said with a venomous edge as he stood in frustration trying to control his aching rage. There was a long pause in the room and finally Toby stood and went to leave.

"I understand why you did it." Josh said without turning around to face him. "Do you think that he was wrong?"

"He's a man."

"He's the President." Josh rebutted finally turning to face Toby.

"Yes he is. He is the elected leader of our country."

"And…"

"He has given us the ability to think outside the box, to break the rules and to fight for what is right and true. He has continued to fight in the face of discourse and upheaval by his own hand. For a country he loves and cherishes to the depth of his soul. We stand here in the shadows of greater men and lesser men, all of them having one thing in common, they were all human." Toby replied with a look of certainty. "Someone once said that nobility is not a birth rite it is earned."

"Are you saying that what he did was noble?"

"No. I am saying that he is still the same man we met four years ago."

"Is he?"

"Yes."

"How do you know that?"

"Because he sat in the mural room three weeks ago and told the American people that he lied."

"He was caught."

"No he wasn't. He was honest, he could have just as easily swept it under the rug until he was caught but he didn't. He knew that he owed us more than that, he owed himself more than that." Toby replied as Josh remained silent, he turned back to the window a look of contemplative determination on his face.

"I'll tell Donna you came by."

"Yeah."

Josh listened as Toby's footfalls echoed down the corridor and then silenced. He stood staring out the window silently, his mind consuming the conversation. He sighed in frustration and finally turned away taking a seat in the chair just next to him. His thoughts came to Donna and what had happened.

He felt cold and alone as he sat in the bright room. They had lost each other somehow in the wake of this tumultuous battle they had been fighting. But when? When had he lost sight of her? When had he lost sight of himself? She had felt so far away and he had put her there, at arms length.  
Why?

Had he unconsciously pushed her away to protect her from what was to  
come? Or was he just protecting himself so that when it all fell apart he wouldn't have to look in her eyes where they would most certainly mirror his defeat?

She had always been there, right beside him. She was still there he just hadn't noticed. There were a lot of things he hadn't noticed, he had pushed them down so deep in his heart that they were easy to ignore, easy to forget until he saw her smiling at him with her glowing eyes.

He had realized just how much he needed her and that scared him, that meant that he was weakened alone so he pushed it away. Defining his own strength of ego despite the inevitable wounding of his heart.

Now she was there and he was here. She was suffering and he was helpless, she never called out to him for help so he never thought to pay attention, until now.

It was making him crazy just sitting here not being able to see her, talk to her, touch her. To know first hand that she was okay. He should have been there, he should have stopped this before it got too far. He should have known.

Josh abruptly stood and walked to the entrance of the waiting room. He peered around the corner and saw the nurse walking away from the desk to check on a patient. He took the opportunity and made his way down the hallway to her room. He stopped a moment at the door reaching out slowly and touching it. He pushed it quietly and stepped into the darkened room. A single light shone over her bed. He heard the door  
close behind him and he took a deep breath stepping forward into the room. There was a single IV and she was sleeping soundly. He walked to the opposite side of the bed to see her dreaming face, it was pale but calm and peaceful. He pulled the chair closer to her bed and sat down.

She had so much faith in him, so much trust. He prayed silently for her to open her eyes and see him sitting there but she didn't. He reached out for her hand placing it within his, he held it tightly as he continued to stare at her. As the warmness of her hand filled his, he felt a calmness within his own soul. His mind ceased to spin endlessly  
but it was replaced by an aching in his heart. Without warning Josh began to cry, the tears falling hot and heavy down his cheeks.

Every word.  
Every breath.  
Every thought.  
Every emotion that he had pushed away, buried or denied in the past weeks caught up with him at that moment.

And he just cried.

***

CJ knocked on the door before walking into the small room. She stepped forward seeing Donna sitting up and smiling as she entered the room.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"You mean beside embarrassed, mortified and just plain stupid?"

"Yeah besides that." CJ replied with a laugh.

"Better."

"Good." CJ replied looking around the room. She had expected to see Josh sitting faithfully beside her bed but he was no where to be found.

"How are things at the Manor?"

"Hectic." CJ replied as she watched Donna's eyes fall down onto her  
hands. "So when are they letting you out of this god forsaken place?"

"Later today, hopefully." Donna replied with a smile as there was another knock on the door. It opened and Sam stepped into the room with a bouquet of flowers.

"Hey, look who's awake!" Sam said with a smile as he walked to her bed, giving her a big hug. He stepped back and handed her the bouquet.

"Thank you Sam, they are so beautiful! I really don't deserve them, it was my own stupidity that got me here."

"Think of them as a long over due thank you." Sam replied with a smile as she gazed at the flowers. Sam glanced at CJ in question of Josh's absence and CJ gave him a dirty look in response.

"CJ could you put these in water for me?"

"Sure."

"So how are you feeling?" Sam asked as CJ took the flowers into the  
bathroom.

"Good. I was just telling CJ that the doctor said that I can probably go home later today."

"That's great!" Sam replied as CJ reemerged from the bathroom.

"I need to find a vase, I'll be right back." She explained as Sam took a seat beside Donna's bed and she left the room. She walked out into the hall and immediately pulled out her cell phone dialing it as she walked to the nurses station.

"Can I help you?" A petite blonde nurse asked her.

"Do you have a vase?" CJ replied as the nurse nodded and disappeared.

CJ hung up the cell phone in frustration.

_Where is he? This is really stupid Josh…really... really stupid…_

She began to dial the cell phone again when she looked up seeing Leo exit the elevator and walk toward her. CJ met him half way, rage in her eyes.

"Where's Josh?"

"What do you mean? He's not here?"

"No, and from the looks of it Donna hasn't seen him at all since…" CJ replied as she watched Leo's mind turn.

"You're sure?"

"There are no flowers, no jacket, no card, nothing."

"Call Toby. I just left him at the Manor, tell him to find him and call us when he does."

"Okay." CJ replied dialing her cell phone, as she began to pace.

"How is she?"

"Better, she said the doctors are probably going to let her go home today."

"That's good."

"It would be better if…"

"Miss, here you are." The nurse said as she walked up to CJ and handed her a large water pitcher. CJ took it and handed it to Leo.

"What's this for?"

"Flowers."

"What flowers?"

"The one's Sam gave Donna, now get in there before she starts to  
worry."

"Yeah." Leo replied as he looked briefly at the pitcher and then headed toward the room.

"Leo."

"Yeah?"

"He'll show up right?"

"God willing." Leo said with a shrug, as he disappeared into the room.

CJ stood waiting as Toby's cell phone rang endlessly. She decided to walk down to the coffee machine, not that her nerves needed a boost or anything. She couldn't believe Josh wasn't here, she couldn't fathom where he was or what he was doing.

_This was all his fault._

_Actually no, it was all of their fault._

They had always prided themselves on being a family, of course it was often a family of squabbling children, but none the less a family. And in being a family they looked out for each other, usually. Right now it felt as if they had all been torn apart, divided by an unseen force that pushed them into their individual corners. Grounded from being the images they had strived for, fought for and had become. They were now merely shells of the people that stood together the weeks and months before. They were crumbling in the face of an adversary they had never imagined they would have to fight, themselves.

CJ finally hung up the phone in frustration digging in her coat pocket for change. She put it in the machine and watched a cup fall out and began to fill with coffee.

'No one lied.' That's the phrase they used as defense, except that in itself was a lie. None of them had really known, but it was still a lie. It felt like a lie anyway. When you lie you try to cover the truth, and when you get caught you tell the truth. The complication of that was none of them new the absolute truth so how could they not be  
lying?

Politics was lying. The art of telling the opposition what they wanted to hear whether it was the absolute truth or not. It didn't matter as long as it looked good, as long as it got you through that moment. That place where you decided what the truth is.

'I lied, I lie everyday. Every time I get in front of the camera or walk down the halls of that regal building. That is what they were, and they were all very good at what they did.

Lying.'

CJ pulled out the filled cup from the machine and turned the corner back toward Donna's room.

"CJ!"

She turned hearing his voice and had to hold back from throwing the steaming cup in his face.

"Where the hell have you been?" CJ growled at him.

"What are you talking about?"

"You are such an insensitive, arrogant, callous…"

"What?"

"Josh do you even fathom the fact that Donna is lying in a hospital  
bed right now?"

"Yes, of course I do. I just had some stuff to do."

"Stuff?"

"Yeah I…"

"What stuff could you possibly have to do that is more important than being in that room right now?"

"Just…stuff..." Josh replied as he smiled walking past her to Donna's room. He knocked and then opened the door. CJ followed him in trying desperately to hide the scowl on her face, not that Donna would have noticed, considering the way her face lit up when she saw him.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty." Josh said as he walked to her bed pulling her into his arms holding her tightly.

"I'm so glad you're here." Donna whispered into his ear.

"So am I." He whispered back before breaking the embrace. He moved back standing with the rest of crowd.

"Well I need to get back, I'm so glad you are alright." Leo said as he stepped forward giving her a hug. He stepped back darting a glance at CJ and Sam. "Yeah, we'd better get going too. I'll see you later." Sam replied as he stepped forward giving her a hug also.

"Call me if you need anything." CJ said following suit.

"Thanks." Donna replied with a smile as the three of them left the room. Josh pulled the chair up next to the bed taking a seat as he smiled at her.

"So how are you feeling?"

"Better." Donna replied as the door opened again and a man in a white coat appeared.

"Hello, Donna, how are you feeling?"

"That seems to be the question of the day."

"I'm sure it is." The doctor replied with a smile. Josh quickly stood feeling awkward.

"I'm going to go get some coffee, I'll be right back." He explained as he headed for the door. Donna nodded and smiled as he left the room. Josh stepped out into the hallway and found Leo waiting for him.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"What's up?" "I know that you want to be here right now, but there is a fire brewing at the manor and I am going to need you there."

"What's going on?"

"I think Hoynes is going to leak."

"Really?"

"Yeah, so that noon you have with Donald is going to be the front runner for reaction."

"Okay." Josh replied as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Can you handle it?"

"Yeah." Josh replied anxiously.

"I can send Toby with…"

"No, I got it."

"Good."

"Don't forget to cancel Donna's thing with Oliver."

"I don't have to."

"Why?"

"Apparently he talked to her yesterday."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know what was said?"

"No."

"I guess we'll find out soon enough," Leo replied with a deep breath.

"Do you think that…I mean could it have…"

"Probably." Leo replied as he saw the fury light in Josh's eyes. Josh quickly turned and began to pace. "Josh don't push it right now, she's been through enough. Just let it lie."

"I just…Leo I don't know if this…"

"This is just the beginning, it is only going to get worse before it gets better. You are going to have to find a way to deal with this. Not just when it comes to Donna either, I'm talking on all fronts."

"Leo…" Josh started as a nurse walked by opening the door of Donna's room. Leo eyed Josh carefully and lead him into the adjoining hall.

"Josh where are you?"

"I…"

"Because you're not there and you certainly aren't here." Josh felt  
that all to familiar feeling of the walls beginning to rebuild inside him. "What's going on?"

"What's going on?" Josh started and then hesitated looking directly at Leo. He couldn't hold it back anymore, he wanted to but couldn't.

"Leo we really shouldn't do this right now," Josh replied tempering his voice.

"No, really what is going on. There is a reason that we are standing here in the hospital Josh. There is a reason that Donna worked so hard and long that her body had to tell her to stop. Because her mind sure as hell didn't!" Leo spat at him, making Josh stop a moment and take a breath.

"I know that you are pissed at something," Leo continued. "I would just like to know what. I know it's not me and I know that it's certainly not Donna. So what, what is your major malfunction Josh because you are really starting to piss me off!"

"I would just like to know how I am supposed to go out there and tell everyone and their father that it is business as usual!"

"You just do it, like you always have."

"No I haven't always done it." Josh replied in disgust. "Leo, the President is being investigated for fraud! The man that I, we, blindly followed, lied about a seriously debilitating and potentially fatal disease!"

"That's right."

"Those are the facts, there is no way to get around them."

"Correct."

"So you don't think that those 'facts' are going to have any effect on the progress of this administration's agenda?"

"Facts aren't truth."

"How can you say to me? How can you sit there and deny that he lied?"

"I didn't."

"Yes you did!"

"No, I said the facts are not always the truth. Facts tell you what is seen, touched. Things that are textured and can be held. Truth is fact mixed with belief."

"Leo…" Josh said in disbelief.

"Josh this isn't Camelot, easy solutions don't come here. They never have, but we've gotten through it. Whether it be this or something like Sam and the…"

"There is no comparison…" Josh replied as he burst into a fit of sarcastic laughter.

"We fought, we stood, and we survived, against the 'facts'. Because it was the truth that mattered, the truth of Sam's feelings for her, the friendship they shared and the admittance of the consequences."

"There was no admittance, there was no acceptance! She disappeared, we made her disappear! This isn't going to…"

"You're right it isn't going to disappear! It is going to a be noose around our necks for the rest of this administration!" Leo yelled back at him. "But that doesn't mean we give up, that doesn't mean we walk away from everything that we have worked to accomplish!"

"You should have said, had." Josh cut. "Because if you think that there is going to be an opportunity for us to do anything beside work to get this noose off you are crazy."

"Well I guess that's it then isn't it." Leo replied in contempt, he  
turned and began to walk away.

"Leo…"

"Don't bother to come back today, we have enough termites in the  
building, we don't need anymore." Leo finished as he walked down the hall.

Josh stood there feeling as if he had just stabbed his own father, his chest felt heavy and he couldn't breath. He put his hand against the wall leaning into it with his head down.

_Damn._

He stayed there a long while and then finally stood up straight heading to Donna's room. He knocked on the door and heard her soft voice calling him into the room. He walked in with a smile but as soon as he saw Donna's face it faded. She looked pale, upset and worried.

"Josh what are you doing?"

Josh walked into the room with a smile trying to pretend he didn't hear the question. Donna was standing at the edge of her bed in her bathrobe and socks.

"I have to say that robe is definitely chic…."

"Josh…"

"No really I think this could be the start of a new trend…" Josh continued feeling like he was going to jump out of his skin if she didn't stop staring at him with those deep blue eyes. As if reading his mind Donna turned away from him walking to the window.

"What did the doctor say?"

"He said they want to run a few more tests but I should be able to  
leave this afternoon."

"That's great!" Josh replied happily stepping toward her. She didn't move or even grin, she just stood staring out the window. Josh felt his heart drop again. He wanted desperately to turn her toward him and make her look at him but couldn't. He had put her there and now he had to live with it. "So when are they going to do the tests?"

"A couple of minutes." Donna replied as she finally turned to him. Josh felt a flood of relief just to have her look at him when his cell rang. He quickly opened it and answered. "Yeah…uh huh…"

As he began to speak Donna took a seat on the bed. She began playing with the blanket, letting the smooth end of it run through her fingers. He was trying to  
listen to the person on the telephone but couldn't. As he watched her, he felt his heart calm and his chest loosen. His mind slowed as he focused on her delicate face.

"Josh…" Josh heard on the other end of the telephone, as he jumped back to reality.

"Yeah okay, I'll be right there." He replied quickly hanging up the telephone. He moved forward taking a seat next to her on the bed. She still didn't look at him continuing to play with the blanket. "I want you to get some rest. I have to go, but I want you to call me when they are getting ready to release you okay?"

"Josh you don't…"

"Please don't argue with me about this." Josh pleaded as she finally looked up into his eyes. He saw her mind spinning, her thoughts going wild with anxiety, but they couldn't talk about that now, he wouldn't  
talk about it now, not with her.

"Okay."

"Good." He replied as he stood from the bed and headed for the door.

He felt like he should say something else but didn't know what.

"Josh." Donna said and he turned around to face her, the look of desperate fear shining in her eyes. "You can't…"

"I'm not." Josh replied knowing the end of the statement, but couldn't bear to hear her utter the words. He turned away and walked out of the room and down the hall.

He was doing it again, he was shutting her out. He didn't want to but he also didn't know why he was in the first place. He walked out to his car and pulled out of the hospital parking lot. The look on her face, she looked as if he had just broken her heart. It was never his intention to hurt her, just to not talk about this right now. That  
sounded arrogant and stupid, he had talked about it with everyone else, why couldn't he talk about it with her? They had become friends, trusted friends. Hadn't they?

She never pushed him though, she always waited patiently until he was  
ready to come to her, sometimes he wished she would push him. If she did what would he say?

Realistically he would bring up all of the negatives of the situation.  
Point out how it would inevitably fall apart. How the situation was  
unrecoverable and beyond hope.

***

Donna followed the nurse down the hall and into a small room with an examination table. She was told to have a seat and that the doctor would be right with her.

But it wasn't, it couldn't be. After all they had been through, after everything they had accomplished. She had heard his conversation with Leo, this was out of hand and she knew that now it was up to her. She had to find a way to make him see, she had to make him believe again.  
**

Is a man without limitations? Is there such thing as a man with a heroic heart that would brave the battle before them? Or was all this a show to try and save face, to try and recover some dignity? Josh walked into the capitol building and down the hall to his morning meeting. His shoes clicked on the floor, echoing off the walls. He couldn't get past it; it kept slapping him in the face. He kept pushing on the door but it wouldn't open. It seemed the more he pushed the thicker and stronger it became. It was stuck there in his mind.  
**

He was so stubborn sometimes, unable to get past the images stuck in his head. He had shut himself down, built up the walls and become so focused he was blind. This in any other situation was an asset, it made him strong and unwavering, in a town full of misdirection, half promises and dwindling bipartisan negotiation.

The doctor walked into the room and began to explain what the tests involved.  
**

It was impossible to get things done.  
_Get it done._

Easier said…Simply put he was walking into a den of wolves hungry from suppression. A suppression he created, to get things, such as these done. He didn't starve them; he was willing to let them feed as long as…  
**

It was on his own turf. His battles had all been fought within the confines of the arena he had created. Being able to walk into any situation with teeth shown and guns blazing. Now this, this was bigger and uncontrollable without the padded cell of concession. There was nothing to protect him, he was naked and holding a spoon and every member of the opposition knew it.

Donna winced as they began to draw blood.  
**

They knew it wasn't the same, that it would never be the same. They knew he was vulnerable, he hated that. Being vulnerable was weak form. It was like a piece of cold cooked spaghetti, what could you do with it other than throw it away?

He walked into the conference room and the meeting had already started. He looked at his watch and saw that he was not late. They were just ignoring the fact he would be there. That is what he had become, an informality. No threat to them or their agenda's, just a guy who came by to say that he was there.  
**

She could just see him, he was sitting in the room intently listening to the debate at hand. Unable to interject or say anything for fear of being trampled by the onslaught of accusations that were still unresolved in his own mind. Much less his opponents. He would be tapping his fingers and writing down notes but would remain neutrally silent.  
**

Neutrality, it was safe. It wouldn't do any damage. That had been the focus of his meetings for the past few weeks. Finish what they had started but not kick up any dirt.

Not now, maybe later.

Later, would there ever be a later? He really did want there to be even if he hadn't shown it, but he wanted the solid ground beneath his feet again and that was impossible.  
**

_Josh, Josh, Joshua, Josh_

_You have to stop thinking that it is impossible. You aren't giving yourself enough credit._

He could have brown cows making chocolate milk if he believed they could. That was the problem, he didn't believe any more. He still believed in the President, he just didn't believe in himself. He doesn't see that he isn't punishing the President, he's only punishing himself for doubting, for not being able to see past the MS to the man that he admires and loves.

She had to make him see that, she couldn't let him give up.  
**

He wasn't giving up, he was just conflicted. He just didn't know where the sky met the water, it had all become blurred. He wasn't the only one, Sam was confused as well as CJ and even Toby. Why were they all coming down on him? Why was he the worst case scenario? So he was keeping to himself, he wasn't as sociable as usual. Big deal. There was a lot going on, more than anyone knew.

Donna knew, she always knew. That's why she worked herself to death, she was trying to keep them all in control. She was trying to help them get through the rough time until they all came back. Unfortunately none of them had, they were all still out on the sidelines, scared to step onto the field for fear of being vanquished. But what could they do but sit and wait to see what happened? Wait to see how bad it was really going to be.  
**

He had never been patient, there was no way he was going to be able to wait it out if that was in fact his plan of action.

The nurse said she was done and Donna hopped off the table. She walked out of the room and down the hallway to her room.

He had to keep going, he had to keep fighting before he lost the will to fight. He knew what was right, he knew that he wasn't done yet.  
**

How could it be done, they just got started? They had just started the blaze of destruction in the revolution of deniable politics. "We'll be remembered for raising the level of debate in this country." Well Leo got his wish, they were certainly debating now.

Too bad they had become the mediators instead of the resolution.

The meeting broke for lunch and Josh headed out of the room and back down the stairs, he pulled out his cell phone but got a no reception error. He groaned and headed to the elevator.  
**

He was never going to find a resolution outside of himself. She doubted he even knew the problem was within him, he thought it was everyone else. He was right, but he was also wrong. Yes, they had fallen, yes they had been shattered against a wall. But they could still stand, they could still do this. They had to, this wasn't about them anymore.  
**

This wasn't going well again, he felt paralyzed. From what he had heard in the meeting, they were planning to support Hoynes. It wasn't said but it was implied, they needed a meeting. They needed a plan. Josh dialed the phone again as he stepped outside waiting for it to answer.

"Yeah…Margaret…I need to speak to him…"

Donna looked out into the sky seeing the clouds rolling in off the horizon. The air was thick and damp, it encircled her and made her sigh. It reminded her of a quiet night inside, a warm fire and soft music as you sat and listened to the orchestra of nature.

As a child, she was afraid of storms, of rain, but then she realized it washed away  
the staleness the suffocation of the atmosphere. It challenged the surface and dissolved the dust of our walk. It fueled the strong and provoked the weak.

That was just the way it worked, it left the earth with a clean slate.  
**

Josh hung up the phone telling Leo the situation and that he would be back in the office within the hour. Leo sounded surprised to hear from him and Josh tried to ignore his gruffness. Josh felt a chill run up his spine as the wind hit the back of his neck. He looked up into the sky seeing the large black menacing clouds rolling in, ready to unleash their fury on the surface of their existence. Leaving only the sheltered and the protected standing when it was over.

He knew they would come.

He had been waiting for them.

It was going to rain…

***

"He's crazy," Sam protested.

"You are just realizing this now?" Toby asked.

"What could he be possibly thinking?"

"Maybe that he could win?"

"Can he?"

"Sam…"

"Toby, do you think he could win?" Sam insisted as he followed Toby into his office. Toby sat a moment rubbing his head, contemplating his next statement. "Toby…"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Have you looked around?"

"It's not…"

"Yes it is."

"Toby." Ginger said as she entered the office. "Josh is back."

"Let's go." Toby replied as he followed Sam out of the office. "Ginger get CJ for me will you?"

"Sure." Ginger replied as she walked down the hallway. They made their way down to Josh's office and immediately walked in.

"What's going on?" Toby asked.

"They are going with Hoynes."

"You're kidding!" Sam exclaimed in shock.

"Nope."

"We need to have a meeting." Toby replied rubbing his forehead as CJ walked into the room.

"What did they say?"

"Hoynes."

"Really?" CJ replied her expression revealing her lack of surprise.

"Are we going to have a meeting?" Josh asked.

"Yeah."

"I won't be free until two," CJ said.

"We'll get started, come down after your done," Toby replied.

"Okay." CJ replied as she left the office.

"You talk to Leo?" Toby asked Josh.

"Yeah."

"Let's go downstairs."

"Okay."

"I'll meet you down there in five."

"Okay." Josh replied as Toby disappeared down the hall.

Josh pulled a couple of things off the desk and walked with Sam down the hallway.

"How's Donna?"

"Good." Josh replied through his spinning mind. Sam looked like he had something but didn't know how to say it.

"Running late this morning?"

"Something like that." Josh replied quickly trying to change the subject. "The doctor said that she will be able to go home after they run a few tests."

"What kind of tests?"

"She didn't say."

"Really, that's odd."

"Why?"

"I don't know it's just…it's probably precautionary."

"Yeah." Josh replied as his mind began buzzing with questions again. Was she okay? What were the tests for? He was so preoccupied with trying to avoid her questions that it hadn't even occurred to him that there might be something else wrong.

They turned the corner and made their way down the lengthy hall. They stopped at the door and opened it walking into the darkened room. Sam led the way as they took seats at the table pulling out all of the initiatives, propositions, bills and wavers that they were working on, one by one.

After three hours, they had the beginnings of a strategy. They walked it up stairs and presented it to Leo.

"This is crap!"

"Leo…"

"We are not going to bend over and let them kick us in the ass!"

"Considering the situation…"

"The situation hasn't changed." Leo barked back, the room was silent and he stared at them in disbelief.

"Yes it has."

"This is what I was trying to tell you."

"So we move forward and they'll have to get over it."

"They aren't going to get over it. Not without…"

"Without what?"

"Leo what we are trying to say is that there is nowhere to go."

"Even if the inquiry turns up with nothing we've lost…" Sam added.

"The inquiry has even begun yet and you are already mourning? If we lose this, it is going to be because we didn't do enough, not because we did too much! You know this crap isn't you and it definitely isn't him!"

"It's going to have to be."

"We are not going to let them dominate this, we have control…"

"How can we not! Leo we have given the fate of this administration to…"

" No we haven't! The statement is business as usual. We will not stray, compromise, deviate or retract from anything we have set out to do. You tell them this is the way it's going to be, and if they don't like it they can yell and scream as much as they like. It won't stop us."

"Leo we can't…"

"I am so sick of hearing that we can't! All I have heard day after day is excuses why we can't or should I say won't. And not from just some of you, all of you! We've done it before and we will do it again! You want to know why Donna is in the hospital? Because she used ever ounce of her being trying to keep you together, all of you. She sees what is happening, she knows that you are all hiding in the far corners of resolve!" Leo replied in fury. "You are the leaders of this administration so start acting like it, or I will find people who will." After the words had come out, he recoiled slightly knowing that it wasn't what any of them wanted. "And to start we are going with a new speech for Saturday."

"What?" Sam asked in shock.

"The President and I have been working on it. You can all look at it one hour before the dinner."

"I don't think it is wise…" Toby started to protest.

"At this point I honestly don't give a damn what any of you think!" Leo raged. "I am giving you all twenty four hours to decide where you are going to stand with this administration. When you decided you will see the speech and then you will know if you are truly with us or against us. I don't want anyone playing in the gray anymore, I expect a definitive statement."

"Leo…"

"That's it. I'll see you tomorrow night." Leo finished kicking them all out of his office. Josh headed down to his office, his heart pounding. They had been given an ultimatum plain and simple. It had come down to this…

He checked his watch when Sam entered behind him.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"It's hard to believe that it has come down to this."

"Yeah."

"What do you think it says?"

"I don't know." Josh replied as he sat back in his chair contemplatively.

"It feels like we are running in circles. He doesn't realize…"

"No he doesn't."

"He's right you know."

"Is he?"

"Do you remember when you asked me if I would have joined the campaign if I would have known a head of time?"

"Yeah."

"I would have."

"Why?"

"It would have been an uphill battle but it would have been honest."

"Yeah."

"Donna call you yet?"

"No, not yet."

"I didn't really realize how much I relied her until this happened," Sam commented thoughtfully. "She really has kept us together lately."

"I'm starting to realize that myself." Josh replied as he watched Sam's mind spin.

"Why does she seem to know what is right where we don't?"

She isn't out there Sam, she hasn't seen what it's done."

"But she has seen it more than any of the rest of us. I mean we are in the meetings and the proposals but she is in the heart of things."

"She was probably so busy she hasn't had time to think about it."

"Maybe that's our problem, we are all thinking too much."

"Now you sound like Donna."

"Josh have you…" Suddenly the telephone rang and Josh answered it. It was Congressman Michaels and as the conversation became heated. Sam decided that it was time to exit. He nodded and left the office, he walked down to the communication pen and saw Toby leaving, coat in hand.

"Where are you going?"

"I have an errand to run, I'll be back later."

"Okay." Sam replied as he walked into his office, Ginger followed shortly after and Sam just stood staring at her for a moment.

"What?" She asked looking at him oddly.

"Oh sorry." Sam replied with a smile as she started to walk out of the room. "Ginger."

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

* * *

Toby knocked on the door of the room and then slowly opened the door.

"Donna?" He called as he looked around the room.

"Toby?" He heard Donna replied as he stepped in view of the bed, she was laying on her side reading a document as she turned to face him.

"I hope I'm not…"

"Of course not." Donna replied with a smile as she sat up.

"I just…" Toby started as he approached her. "How are you feeling?"

"Better thanks. What are you doing here? Don't you have a meeting on the hill at four?"

"Probably." Toby replied smiling as he began to pace the room. "So when are they releasing you?"

"In a few hours."

"Really that's great." Toby replied uncomfortably.

"Toby what's wrong?"

"Donna you…" Toby started as he nervously cut himself of taking a seat in the chair next to her bed. "Leo has given the senior staff an ultimatum and I'm not sure…"

"What kind of ultimatum?"

"He is making us decided once and for all where we stand."

"Why is that…" Donna started and then remembered Josh and Leo's conversation earlier that day. "You're worried about Josh aren't you?"

"Should I be?"

"Toby I'm not…"

"I have tried, Leo has tried but he just fights… Donna he trusts you, he knows that you would never betray him. He needs you to wake him up, we need you to wake him up."

"I can't make him see something that…"

"You aren't showing him anything he doesn't already…Donna if you don't help us he is going to throw it all away."

"He wouldn't…"

"I used to think that but now, after today I don't know if he knows what he wants. Hoynes has come into play, I am just trying to…"

"Toby I may not be in the loop right now, but I know that Josh loves President Bartlet more than anyone and he would never abandon…"

"That's the problem, he loves him so he only sees the betrayal, he only sees the MS he doesn't see the man who got us here in the first place! You have to show him Donna, you know how to get through to him." Toby pleaded.

"I don't know if I…"

"Please just try."

"Okay, I'll talk to him."

"Thank you."

"Toby."

"Yeah?"

"You don't honestly think that he would go and work for…"

"I don't know."

***

Two hours later Josh walked out to his car on his way to pick up Donna. She had called letting him know that she was free as a bird. He debated inquiring about the tests the doctors had run but decided that he would bring it up later. Josh smiled remembering his morning errands, he had picked up two of her favorite movies and some ice cream. He went by her apartment and gave Nancy some money to disappear for the next few days. It was wrong, and Donna would kill him if she found out but he wanted her to rest and that wasn't going to happen with Nancy's blaring music and constant influx of companions. Josh dug in his pocket for his keys and looked up seeing several secret service men standing in the parking garage. It was then that he noticed someone standing against his car.

Hoynes.

"Hey Josh, long time no see."

"There is a reason for that."

"Yes well now we have to stand in a united front don't we?"

"You have a lot of balls to make such a statement after what you pulled today." Josh replied in disgust.

"I had nothing to do with the leak, it was the Democratic…"

"And why exactly should I believe that?"

"Because I've never lied to you." Hoynes replied with a stab and Josh hesitated a moment before responding.

"What do you want?"

"I was just curious as to your reaction to the possibility of me  
running…"

"My reaction would be that you are an idiot."

"Am I? Come on, Josh, we've been in this town for a long time. You know as well as I do that what has happened successfully closed the door on your winning a second term."

"We don't…"

"Oh, please! You're all running around like chickens with your heads cut off. We all know it's over." Hoynes said as he measured Josh's response. "It doesn't have be you know, you can still go on."

"What exactly are you trying to imply, Sir?"

"I'm just saying it doesn't have to end in a year. You can go on for another four maybe even eight even if Bartlet doesn't…"

"With you?"

"Look, Josh, we all have the same goal here. We want what is best for this country. Just because it is under a different ticket doesn't mean…"

"Look I am standing in the parking garage of the White house I don't think it is appropriate…"

"So you are having doubts."

"I never…"

"I'm not here to push you into anything Josh I just wanted to let you know that the offer is there. We could do this, keep it going…together." Hoynes finished as he walked away.

Josh got into his car silently and drove out of the garage. Twenty minutes later he arrived at the hospital. He walked into Donna's room and found her sitting on the bed brushing her hair.

"Hey you."

"Hey." She replied with a smile as she put the brush in her bag and stood up.

"You all set?"

"Yeah, let's get out of here."

Josh followed Donna out of the room and down the hall, he lead her out to his car opening the door and waiting until she was settled until he drove off. The ride was silent as Josh replayed conversation with Hoynes.

"How was your noon with Donald?" Donna asked finally breaking the silence.

"You don't want to know."

"Yes I do or I wouldn't have asked." Donna replied quietly as Josh turned to her in surprise.

"It was…well it was bad."

"Why?"

"They eluded to the fact that they were in support of an opposing democratic ticket."

"Hoynes?"

"Yeah…how did you know that?"

"I don't know, just logical I guess."

"Yeah well it is logically stupid."

"So you don't agree with Hoynes wanting to run?"  
"No, of course I don't." Josh replied in confusion. "Why would you  
think…"

"I was just curious. Did anything else interesting happen today?"

"Not really, just the same old stuff."

"Oh." Donna replied in disappointment, this was going to be harder than she thought. But then again how could have she expected anything different. He had avoided her for weeks now, why did she think that it would suddenly change. "Is the speech all ready for Saturday?"

"Yeah." Josh replied as they pulled onto her street. Just as he began to park the car there was a fierce beating on the roof of the car, and Josh groaned in frustration.

"What's wrong?"

"It's raining."

"So?"

"So, it's raining."

"It's rain Josh, not acid."

"Yeah well acid or not I am going try and get a spot closer to…"

"Don't worry about it, just park here."

"Donna I…"

"Just park Josh." Donna replied.

As soon as he stopped and turned the car off he turned to tell her to take his coat and they would make a run for it when she suddenly got out of the car. He watched her in confusion and got out also. He found her in the street with her face pointed up as the rain beat down wildly.

"Donna what the hell are you doing?"

"Enjoying the rain."

"Are you crazy!" Josh exclaimed as he pulled his coat up over his head and ran around the car taking her hand. "Donna this is no time to…"

"Why not?" Donna asked him as the rain continued to pour down on them.

"What do you mean why not?"

"Josh it's just rain!"

"Donna I…"

"Josh stop!"

"What…" Josh replied as he struggled to stay dry within his coat. It wasn't working. Donna just stood there staring at him, her eyes were glowing against the darkened sky. He was confused, he was panicked, what was she doing? She walked to him and pulled the coat down off his head.

"Josh you are so busy trying not to get wet you aren't…"

"Of course I am trying not to get wet, you are making me stand in the  
goddamn rain!"

"No I'm not."

"Donna…"

"You got out of the car Josh, you can go inside, you can leave."

"No I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm not going to abandon you here on the side of the street in the middle of the rain!"

"You wouldn't?"

"No of course not."

"Then why are you abandoning him?" Donna asked him. Josh stared at her a moment and then he realized what was happening.

"I'm not."

"Toby came to see me today."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"What did he come to see you about?"

"He told me about your meeting with Leo."

"Damn it!" Josh screamed in frustration suddenly forgetting about the rain.

"Josh he was just…"

"I know what he was doing, Toby needs to stop finding it necessary to pull you into…"

"At least he trusts me!"

"I was going to tell you…I just…"

"No you weren't! You're so busy trying to decided how to avoid this and predict what is going to happen that you have forgotten about everything else!"

"That's what we are…"

"No it's not! "

"You don't…"

"Josh do you believe that the President can do his job?"

"I'm not doing…"

"Answer the question."

"Donna it's not that simple!"

"Yes it is! If you believe in him than they'll believe in you!"

"Donna you don't…"

"Yes I do!" she replied calmly staring at him. "Up until now you stood beside him as he gave every person in this country including you, the will to survive. The ability to think outside the box, to break the rules to fight for what we all hold dear. Damn what the republicans say. Damn what the lawyers say."

"It's changed."

"No it hasn't you have."

"That's ridiculous I…"

"Yes you have. You have turned into a true fair weather friend." Donna snapped as the rain continued to pour down on them. "You doubt him, and in that you doubt yourself."

"That's not..."

"He said come with me, we can do it together. He made you see that you could make a difference, that you can fight the good fight and win. But now because of this you have lost that trust and you don't know if you can do this anymore. You don't know if you were ever doing it at all. Not only have you abandoned him, you have abandoned yourself!"

"He lied!"

"He's a man."

"No, he's the President!"

"That's right, and you once believed that he was the real thing."

"He's not."

"Yes, Josh, he is."

"Why? Because he got some bills passed and stuck his neck out few times when he knew all along it was going to fall apart anyway?"

"Josh…"

"If he is that man he would have told us in the beginning, he would have had enough faith in us to let us make the right choice. "

"You are looking at him as a fallen leader but what you don't see that it was never him that made the difference. It was you, all of you. That's what makes him the real thing, because he knew to trust you," Donna said forcing him to listen to her as she locked his eyes within hers.

"Donna you have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Maybe I don't but I see what is happening and if you don't do something soon we are going to loose everything!"

"What do you want me to do? There's nothing I can do!"

"You can make them believe again, you can show them that there is a great man still here walking with us."

"How?"

"I don't know Josh, how do you get a bill passed, how do you convince appropriations to give up millions of dollars that they have no willingness to spend?"

"This is completely different."

"No it's not, it's just changing their point of view, their opinion. All they see is the MS, because they don't know him. Hell I don't know him , but I know that he was there for you when you need him."

"I didn't..."

"Neither did he, he is a victim just like you! The only reason that everyone is focusing on it is because that is all anyone has given them to see! You have to make them see past that. You have to see past that, just like he did."

"It's not the same..."

"Yes it is! After Rosselyn he sent you out on Gun control, he put you at the head of Hate Crimes. He could have held you back but he didn't because he believes in you, now you have to believe in him."

"Donna I...I don't know if I can." Josh replied as he lowered his head. They were both thoroughly soaked but neither of them seemed to mind anymore. The rain felt good, it was constant and steady on his shoulders, pushing away the fear and the doubt.

"Josh look at me." Donna said as she touched his cheek. " I know that he hurt you but he needs you now. We need you now to lead us out of this storm, you are the only one who can do it."

Josh got lost in her eyes for a moment, he felt warm within her embrace against the cold rain, but then his mind screamed in anger. He held it back pulling her close to him. He held her there and just let the rain fall on them not caring anymore about what it meant or how it looked.

He just needed to hold her now. He needed to feel her against him, he knew himself here. His thoughts were calm and focused knowing the difference between right and wrong, standing here he was pulled out of the gray.

"Donna."

"Yeah?"

"It's raining."

"I know."  
* * *

After a long while Donna led Josh up the stairs and into her apartment. He watched her walk in and turn to him with a smile. Her hair was wet and matted to her face, as well as her clothes.

"Go into the bathroom and get undressed, I will leave some clothes for you to change into outside the door." Donna said as she walked back into the bedroom, Josh agreed silently and went into the bathroom peeling the clothes from his body. He heard a knock on the door and wrapped a towel around his waist before opening it. He picked up the sweat pants and shirt closing the door again and changing into them. When he finally walked out of the bathroom She had changed into a  
T-shirt and sweat pants also and he found her sitting at the table drying her hair with a towel.

"Better?"

"Much."

"Good, I put some coffee on, it should be done in a few minutes."

"Donna."

"Yeah?"

"Is this my T-shirt?" Josh replied as he lifted the shirt off his shoulders.

"Probably."

"I've been looking for this shirt forever, you thief!" Josh replied with a laugh.

"I didn't steal it Josh, it probably just got packed with my stuff when we went to Seattle." Donna replied as she rolled her eyes at him.

"Really?" Josh replied sarcastically as he took a seat next to her at the table.

"And I suppose my sweat pants just mysteriously jumped into your bag as well?"

"Those aren't yours." Donna replied with a blush.

"Then who's are they?"

"Somebody's."

"Donna I can't…don't tell me I am wearing…"

"Well when you live with someone for a while you tend to get things mixed…"

"Donna…"

"Oh calm down it's not like he's worn them recently or anything."

"I should hope not." Josh replied with a sigh as he watched her continue to try and dry her hair. She flipped it over to the side and a stray lock got caught on her necklace, pulling on the delicate chain.

"Here…"

"What?" Donna replied stopping her movement. She watched as Josh reached out brushing his fingers against her neck. She couldn't see what he was doing but he was concentrating on something. Finally he pulled back and stared into her eyes.

"Your….um…your necklace was caught in your…"

"Thanks." Donna replied with a smile as she tried desperately to tear her gaze from his, but couldn't.

"Did you… I mean…look in the freezer." Josh said finally tearing his eyes away from hers.

"The freezer?"

"Yeah, just look." Donna put down her towel and walked over to the freezer, it was full of well…nothing, just some old pizza.

"What am I looking for?"

"What!" Josh said jumping up from his chair, pulling the freezer door from her as he peered inside. "But I…I put…"

"Josh, your stuttering."

"I came by earlier and brought some ice cream for you tonight. I put it in the freezer myself, what could've…" Josh began to explain as Donna walked over to the garbage peering into it. She lowered down into it pulling out an empty carton of her favorite ice cream.

"Is this it?"

"Yeah." Josh replied looking completely crushed.

"Nancy's favorite too, that's okay I was on a diet anyway." Donna replied as she tossed the carton back in the trash.

"You're on a diet?"

"Yeah."

"Donna you don't…"

"Tell that to my hips." Donna replied with a giggle, she couldn't believe she just said that to Josh. "It was just for the dress I was going to wear Saturday, no big deal. I guess I don't have to worry about it anymore."

"Why not?" Josh replied as he watched her walk over to the coffee pot pouring him a cup and adding the necessary cream and sugar just like he drank it.

"Well I haven't been to work in almost two days and it's kinda of silly to presume…"

"Will you come with me?" Josh blurted out as he stared at her nervously.

"Josh I…"

"I know that you are supposed to be resting but I promise that I won't make you do an ounce of work. Just relaxing partying okay?" Donna just stared at him a moment unsure as to where this sudden need was coming from, it sounded like he was almost begging her to go.

"Josh are you okay?"

"I just…" Josh started as he continued to watch her stir the coffee.

She finally walked over to the table sitting down as she placed the two cups in front of them. "It would really help if you were there tomorrow."

"Okay, I'll go." Donna replied as she took a sip of her coffee. Josh looked relieved as he picked up his own cup. "But you have to talk to Leo, I don't…"

"I'll take care of everything. Don't even worry about it."

"Okay."

"So…" Josh started as he looked around the apartment.

"Josh I want you to tell me what's been going on."

"Nothing, I mean besides…"

"Josh I didn't stand outside getting drenched to hear my own voice."

"Donna you just got out of the hospital I don't think…"

"Josh…"

"You need to rest not worry…"

"Josh don't coddle me!" Donna exclaimed as she stood up from her chair in frustration. He watched her draw an imaginary design on the counter as she gathered her thoughts. She finally looked over at him with determination. "Why do you keep doing this?"

"What? I am just…"

"Why do you keep pushing me away when you know that I can see that there is something wrong!"

"Donna…" Josh tried to protest when she quickly cut him off again.

"Leo gave you an ultimatum today and you have to stop ignoring that there is a problem. You aren't dealing with this!"

"Yes I am, I deal with it everyday, in every meeting…"

"No."

"Donna I have fought this as much…"

"Josh I don't mean out there!" Donna exclaimed finally getting him to shut up. "I mean in here." She finished as she put her hand over her heart. Josh just sat staring at her as her eyes blazed at him in absolution. She walked back over to the table crouching down beside him. Taking his hand in hers, "you told me outside that you didn't know if  
you could get passed what has happened. Now we need to find out why."

"Donna this isn't your problem it's mine." Josh replied as he stood up and walked away from her.

"How can you say that Josh!"

"Because it's not!"

"This is my problem Josh, whether you like it or not! If you don't work through his here and now I may not have a boss tomorrow and I'll be damned if I am going to go work for Hoynes!" Donna cut back at him.

"I'm not going to go work for Hoynes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Josh yelled at her. "Why is everyone so quick to presume that I am going to jump ship?"

"Because the way you are right now there is nowhere else for you to  
go."

"Donna it's not…"

"Yes it is, Josh. Don't you see that it is slipping through your fingers! Everyone thinks that you are going to jump ship because you have!"

"No, I haven't but maybe I should." Josh admitted as he leaned his arms forward against the couched lowering his head so that he wouldn't have to look at her.

"Why?"

"Because if don't what's the point?" Josh replied standing up and facing her. "You said that I have to make them see past it, but I can't! I can't do my job so why should stick around?"

"Josh you…" "No, Donna you want to talk about this, you want me to work through this than let's do it!" Josh replied with spite filled determination. "I don't believe in him anymore and I don't trust him! Let's say we do get past this fairly unscathed. What next? What other little omissions are we going to find out down the line? How many battles are we going to have to fight before we all realize that it has all been a huge waste of time!"

Donna stood staring at Josh when the telephone suddenly rang. Neither of them moved, letting it shrill through the aching silence of the room. Donna finally moved forward picking it up as Josh began to pace the room.

"Hello…yeah…okay….hold on…" Donna said into the telephone, she pulled it down from her ear and looked to Josh. "Josh it's Leo."

Josh turned and walked to the telephone.

"Yeah…no I…okay…yeah…I'll be right there." Josh replied hanging up the telephone.

"What is it?"

"It's the…" Josh started and then looked up at her worried face. "It's the President, he's had an attack."

***

When they arrived at the residence they found Toby and CJ both pacing  
silently.

"What happened?" Josh immediately asked.

"We don't know, Leo and Mrs. Bartlet are in with the doctor now."

"Where's Sam?" Donna asked.

"On his way." CJ replied.

"When did it happen?" josh asked

"We don't know." Toby answered.

"Who was with him?" Josh asked.

"We don't know." Toby answered.

"So what do we know?" Josh asked, his frustration evident.

"Nothing." Toby replied as Josh turned in frustration and began pacing.

Donna took a seat on the couch watching the three of them get lost in their own individual thoughts. Donna couldn't help but feel anxious and silently wish that someone would say something, anything just to break the tension. Suddenly the door opened and everyone turned seeing Sam burst into the room.

"Is he okay?" Sam asked in a fevered desperation and when no one answered Donna stood up and walked to him.

"We don't know anything yet. Leo should be out in a few minutes." Sam nodded his mind visibly scattered as he also began pacing. This pattern continued for what seemed forever when suddenly Sam stopped. "I don't know if this is the time or the place but I have to say something." Sam said as he turned facing all of them a look of sheer desperation in his eyes. "I have worked hard to get here, we have all worked hard to get here and I will be damned if I regret any moment that I have spent here in these last four years! You know I realized that I was never mad that he lied, I was never mad that he didn't tell us! If I were him I might have done the same thing. I was mad because I was afraid of what everyone in the world was going to think, and how that was going to make my job, our jobs that much harder. But you know what I was wrong, life is only as hard as we make it. Let them all say what they want, we are the real thing. We are the leaders of this country and we have done a damn good job of making a difference in everyone's lives. I serve at the pleasure of President Bartlet, he's the reason I'm here and I will continue to do so until the end of this. Whatever it may be. I stood up for what I believe in and I'll be dead before I sit down because of it."

The room was completely silent as they all stared at him, their faces and their hearts softened in that moment as one of their own had ripped off the mask and spoken the truth of his heart.

Abruptly the door opened and Leo walked into the room. He looked tired but not grim which was definitely a good sign. They all stared at him anxiously as they awaited word on the President's condition.

"He's okay." Leo said as everyone breathed a sigh of relief. "It was a mild attack, just some dizziness and nausea. The doctor is giving him some medication now and he will be fine after a good nights sleep."

"Your…your sure?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. He's going to be okay." Leo replied with a smile.

"I mean…" Sam repeated.

"Yes, Sam he's fine."

"I was just making sure." Sam replied sheepishly as Leo looked around the small room at the group. A small smile spread across his face.

"What?" CJ asked.

"He knew that you would all be standing out here pacing."

"So?" CJ replied defensively.

"He said he wanted me to tell you all that he is fine and he appreciates you all losing sleep over him but that you wouldn't be able to get off the hook that easily."

None of them wanted to but little chuckles emanated through the room. They individually began to look around the room at what everyone was wearing, Josh and Donna in their sweats. CJ in her pajamas and a trench coat, Sam in his rumpled suite from earlier and Toby in Jeans and a T-shirt. The weeks of uncertain tension seemed to slip out in fits of hysteria. Leo laughed with them and smiled.

"Okay everyone go home, I'll see you all in the morning. CJ you got.…"

"Yeah I got it." CJ replied with a smile as she walked out of the room followed by Toby.

"I need a drink." Toby muttered aloud.

"Don't you still have that bottle of scotch in your…" Sam asked as he followed them out with Donna. Donna turned looking back to Josh who stayed back looking at Leo.

"Josh?"

"I'll catch up with you." Josh said as Donna saw a look of distilled seriousness edged on his face. Donna left the office with the others and Josh stood staring at Toby.

"What's up?"

"Do you think I could see him?"

"Yeah, I don't see why not." Leo replied as his face mirrored Josh's.

Leo led Josh out the door and down the hallway of the Residence. Leo knocked on the door and then went in as Josh waited patiently outside. Leo reemerged and nodded for Josh to go in. Josh walked into the bedroom of the Residence and found the President sitting on the couch with some pills and a glass of water in his hands.

"No matter how many I take I will never get used to these things." The President said as he saw Josh approach. "So how are things out there, hopefully they held back on ordering my gravestone."

"Yes sir." Josh replied softly.

"Have a seat." The President said as he motioned to the chair across from him. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"It's been…"

"Busy, yeah you don't have to tell me that. How's Donna feeling?"

"Better, the doctor released her today, she still needs a few more days of rest but she…"

"You make sure she takes as much time as she needs. I don't want her to push herself to much too soon and we all know how easy that is to do around here."

"Yes sir." Josh replied as he tried to clear his mind. There was a long silence as Josh tried to focus and the President swallowed his pills. Josh knew there was a reason he was sitting here. Something that told him that he needed to be here, but he didn't know exactly what it was. The only thing that kept running through his mind was his  
earlier conversation with Donna.

"I know that after everything that has happened over the past few weeks we haven't had the chance to talk about…" the President started.

"No sir we haven't." Josh replied coming back to reality.

"Josh I don't know what your thoughts on all of this are. Hell I don't  
even know if you still like me." The President said with a chuckle, Josh watched as the smile quickly faded and became a thin line of contemplation. "What I am trying to say is that if you decided somewhere down the road that you have had enough of this circus I wouldn't blame you for it."

"Sir I never…"

"No you didn't but I know what I would have done at your age." The President replied locking his eyes. Josh say the soul of the man he knew in that stare. He recognized the resolve of the leader he loved.

"Josh I have seen you take a seemingly impossible mission and lay it at my feet, with no bother or difficulty. You are a man to make things happen, you always have been, that's why I chose you. And if there is one thing I know it's that I don't want to be remembered as the man that stood in your way of changing the world."

As the last word fell from the Presidents lips his eyes became saddened and remorseful. He quickly cleared his throat and got up from the couch walking to the bed.

"Now If you'll excuse me I must be off to bed before the First lady realizes that I am still up. Which, mind you, is in direct violation of not one but two doctors orders. Honestly I have to say two doctors can sometimes be worse than five lawyers."

"Yes sir, thank you Mr. President." Josh replied with a hesitant smile as he quickly excused himself from the room closing the door behind him.  
* * *

Donna passed on the scotch but thoroughly enjoyed watching the shots  
and the effects go down as quickly as they were poured.

"Sam were you serious about what you said in there?" CJ asked as she flopped onto the couch.

"When am I not?"

"True." Toby chimed.

"You know up until about an hour ago I had given up," CJ admitted.

"You had?" Sam asked.

"Yes, I had."

"I'm taking that 'had' is the operative word in that sentence," Sam asked.

"Yes."

"So you…"

"So I realized, like you, that yes I am pissed off. I am pissed that every question is about the 'conspiracy' and not about the 58 homeless shelters we just built, or the two vote differential on the hate crimes bill, or any of the other things that this country has accomplished in the past four years. But I also realized that it isn't my job to just stomp out the fire with misdirection or avoidance it is to show them what matters. What we are doing for the good of every person reading or watching. That's what matters, that's what will stand out after the smoke clears. What we do now, when the odds are against us and we have to fight a little harder to be heard and to win."

"What made you realize it?" Donna asked.

"Funny enough I was watching Bill Mahr on television and he pissed me off so much that it just came to me."

"You're drunk." Toby grumbled and CJ smacked him upside the head. Sam and Donna laughed and they all prepared for another shot. Donna took the opportunity to slip out unnoticed as they celebrated their re-found unity. She remember that she had left the receipt for Josh's tuxedo on her desk and she would need to pick it up for the following evening.

She searched her desk and saw that Josh's door was  
open. She sighed to herself and went to close it when she saw him out of the corner of her eye. He was sitting at his desk in the dark with his head in his hands.

"Josh?"

"He said he wouldn't blame me if I left, that he didn't want to be the one to stand in the way of me changing the world." Josh said as he rubbed his face, trying to hold back the overwhelming of emotion that threatened to break free as he looked at her. Donna walked over to him and leaned on the desk beside him as he continued. " I didn't even say anything to him, he just assumed…" There was a long breath as Josh searched his mind and Donna waited silently trying to hold back tears of her own.

Knowing that Josh seeing the President and the events of the night had forced him look inside himself instead of avoiding it as he had been for weeks. "When I saw him that first night I knew that we would go all the way, I believed in my gut that it would happen. That we would be here and we would change things. That was my goal, to change the face of politics as the modern world knew it. I am the problem solver, the challenge breaker. You give it to me, I fix it. I am the attack dog, relentless until justice is done." Josh said as Donna listened to his strong voice begin to crack and falter. "But I  
never….I mean I just…when he told me I felt paralyzed. It was too big, too much and there was…it all suddenly disappeared…" Josh looked up at her with tear edged eyes as he finally began to admit what he had been holding back. "I never wanted to leave, I never meant to abandon him…I just…I want to…I don't know what to do…I'm just….I want to fix him Donna but I can't…no one can, and he doesn't deserve …after everything he's done …and I can't…" Josh looked up at her like a helpless child as  
the final realization hit him and his chin began to quiver. "There's nothing I can do."

Donna reached her arms out to him and he clung to her, wrapping his arms around her waist letting the emotion pour out onto the safety of her embrace. She silently held him, for as long as he needed her. Letting her arms be his strength, his solitude.

It was a long while before his grasp of her loosened and he sat back in his chair wiping his eyes.

"I'm okay." He said weakly as if apologizing for the breakdown in front of her.

"Josh it's okay."

"No…I didn't mean to…"

"Josh." Donna said to him as she gently cupped his chin raising his eyes to meet hers. "It's okay."

"Yeah." Josh replied as he stared at her in the darkness, the moonlight illuminating the fire of her eyes. She stared back with a gentle smile.

"I'd better make sure they haven't found the bottle of Jack you gave Sam for his birthday. I think I hid it pretty well but you never know with them." Donna replied with a smile as she stood and turned to walk to the door. " You coming?"

"In a minute."

"Okay." She replied smiling as she walked to the door.

"Donna."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Not giving up on me, I know that I have been…" Josh said as he lost the words in her eyes. He watched her face as it softened and serene, just like it had been when he found her sleeping.

"I love you Josh, I couldn't let you walk away from your dream," Donna said before disappearing.

Josh was frozen, he couldn't move. His heart had stopped and he couldn't move.

_What has she said? Had she really said it? Was he imagining things? She meant she loved him as a friend right?_

_They were friends and friends love each other, I mean I love Sam and CJ, not so much Toby but…_

_Donna was different. I never imagined spending the rest of my life with CJ. I don't have a bad day if Toby is mad at me. What should I do? Should I say something? It was just a passing comment right? It didn't mean anything. It was just Donna telling me how much she cares. I should say some thing. No I should just wait and see if she says  
anything first…but she already has said something so I should say something. Or maybe she doesn't want me to say anything. But what if she does want me to say something and I don't then she…AGHHHH! Screw it, I'll just play it minute to minute and see what happens. But I'm not playing her, I mean her affections are not something that I would  
ever play with, she deserves….Jesus! Can anyone make themselves more  
crazy over a simple statement!_

Josh shook his head took a deep breath and started down the hall to Toby's office. As he approached he heard laughter and then watched as Sam dove out of the office a ball flying after him. He landed on the floor quickly scrambling to his feet. He bolted down the hall toward the resting place of the ball as CJ came out of the office chasing after him. Josh turned as he heard movement from beside him and as he did a ball came flying straight for his head. He quickly ducked and heard laughing. He looked over seeing Donna laughing at his alarmed expression.

"Damn, I missed."

"Oh, you want to play that…" Josh replied as he reached for the ball  
that had rolled beneath the desk. Donna took off in the opposite direction as Josh threw the ball, she made it around the corner just as the ball was about to connect to her back and it ended up bouncing off the wall. He ran to catch it and when he got there he stopped not seeing it or Donna.

He looked up two seconds too late and a barrage of balls hit him. He tried to dodge out of the way, failing miserably as he heard an eruption of laughter from the opposite end of the room. He turned seeing CJ and Sam on one end of the room and Donna and Toby at the other.

"Okay, okay, you win. I give up!" Josh replied with a laugh as he raised his hands in the air. "But let me just say this, if any of you were in a conference room…"

"Shut up Josh!" They all protested and he quickly silenced. They all walked back toward the office and gathered their coats.

"Well folks I think that was enough violence for one night." CJ commented as she put on her coat.

"This was good, it almost felt like old times." Sam said as he followed CJ and the others down the hall and toward the back parking lot.

"Yeah it did." Donna agreed with a smile.

"For the first time in a long time I think we are going to be okay." Josh added as he glanced at Donna. She looked tired but full of life, something that he hadn't seen in a while.

"That's the first positive thing I have heard you say in weeks Joshua." CJ replied as she turned looking at him before opening the door to the outside.

"Yeah well it rained."

"Yes it did." Toby replied with a nod, walking CJ to her car.

"Good night." CJ said as Toby waved.

"Nite!" Donna and Josh replied in unison as they walked with Sam to their own cars.

"I'll see you guys in the morning?"

"You'll see me, but Donna is going to stay home and sleep."

"When did you become the boss?" Donna protested.

"Four years ago."

"You're still coming tomorrow night right?" Sam asked Donna.

"Yeah I'll be there."

"Okay see you then." Sam replied as he disappeared into his car. Josh unlocked the passenger side of his car opening the door for Donna. He waited until she got in and then closed it walking around to the opposite side getting in the car also.

The right was quiet but not uncomfortable, they both had a lot on their  
minds and they were happy sitting silently with each other. Josh noticed Donna rubbing her forehead and began to watch her in concern.

"Headache?"

"No. I'm just tired."

"Good, because you are going home and going to bed."

"Yes sir." Donna replied with a laugh. She leaned her head against the side of the car briefly closing her eyes. Josh just drove staring out into the blackened night. They finally pulled up to her apartment and Josh turned off the car. Donna didn't move and Josh realized she had fallen asleep.

He watched her for a moment and felt a small grin spread across his face. He sighed deeply as he reached out touching her cheek gently. She moved groggily looking over at him.

"Hey, we're home." Josh said as she nodded at him and began to unbuckle her seat belt. He got out of the car and waited for her to get out also. She closed the door and walked toward him. He wrapped an arm around her as they walked to her apartment. She leaned her head against his shoulder as she handed him the keys and he unlocked the door. "I'll get you some blankets…" She tried to say between yawns.

"I know where everything is, you go to bed." Josh said as he took her by the hand leading her into the bedroom.

He pulled down the covers as she sat on the bed, and then laid her head on the pillow. He covered her up and watched as she immediately pulled them under her chin and fell back into the blissful world of slumber. He shouldn't have kept her out so late she needed to rest.

"Goodnight Donnatella."

Josh turned out the light and walked out into the kitchen he looked around seeing the two coffee mugs and the coffee pot sitting on the table. His mind went back to the conversation they'd had just before Leo called. She had refused to let him give up, she pushed him, made him look at what he was doing. She knew that he was hurting even if he didn't.

He told her it wasn't her problem and she didn't understand but she refused to let it go. She refused once again to give up. Josh walked into the living room taking a seat on the couch looking around the room at the various items decorating the room. Pictures, knick knacks, dried flowers, it was all very girlie.

So.

Here he was, his brain swirling with endless images and thoughts. There was a million things to be planned and discussed, he was back in the game. He tried to focus but couldn't. That same sentence kept interrupting his thoughts. The statement along with a barrage of pictures, glances and yearnings that he had kept buried down so deep.

_I love you Josh, I couldn't let you walk away from your dream_

Now they had exploded out relentlessly into the stream of his conscience. He should have said something because now it was driving him mad. He wasn't patient, he wanted to know what was going to happen next. He didn't likes surprises, especially when he hadn't been prepared for them. What he needed to do was define the relationship, he needed to break it down into simple facts and then analyze the best course of action.

_Donna is…Okay Lyman concentrate this isn't hard just define the parameter. Locate the problem, and come up with a solution._

_Jesus I am a machine._

_This isn't a bill, this isn't an issue of political agendas this was Donna! The most trusting, loyal, sweet, beautiful person you have ever known._

_I love you Josh, I couldn't let you walk away from your dream_

_It was the first part of the statement that was the issue here._

_Actually the first three words of the sentence if you are going to get technical._

_I love you…_

_I…love…you…_

_Does she? I mean does she like that? She said it but did she mean it like love love or just love? Because if it was just love than he could handle this but if it was love love than that was a whole different…why?_

_Why is it different? Would it actually be that bad? It's not like it has never come up before, Joey pointed it out, there had to have been other signs here. If it was in fact love love and that was what she meant._

_My brain hurts._

_Okay this has become too difficult, relax, start with the basics._

_I like Donna. Yes, I definitely like her, she is smart and determined and stubborn and efficient._

_Efficient?_

_Well she was, at her job anyway. But I'm not talking about her abilities as my assistant. I am supposed to talking about Donna the person, the woman._

Yes she was definitely a woman. He didn't need to be reminded of that. He noticed that every time she walked in the room, with her soft hair and the way it falls around her face, or the sweet lingering smell that is in the office after she leaves. The way her smile makes him smile whether he wants to or not. How if she is standing close him he can sense a warmth around him that makes him feel invincible.

_What exactly does that mean?_

_Am I in love with her?_

_Is it really that simple, could it really be that easy? All the other times I used the word love it hurt, there was always an obstacle. It was a struggle I was striving to conquer. It has never just happened before, I always had to make it happen. _

Josh laid back on the couch as he continued to analyze his own mind. Eventually he drifted off to sleep, still not knowing the answers to the questions his mind was demanding. It never occurred to him to leave his head and ask his heart.  
* * *

Donna a woke the next morning to find the apartment empty. She silently thanked god as she remembered what she had accidentally said to Josh the evening before.

_Was it Freudian slip? _

_Probably. _

_A symptom of a multiple personalities, definitely. _

_What was she thinking! That was so stupid! _

Thankfully Josh hadn't even noticed and if he did he wasn't making a big deal out of it. She wasn't going to deny that her feelings for Josh had gone beyond friendship but she hadn't wanted to share that with anyone yet, especially him. She knew he didn't feel the same way and if he did there was nothing to be done about it.

_Stupid Donna, really really stupid!_

She walked out into the kitchen after taking a shower and getting dressed. There was a note from Josh on the table and she sat down to read it.

Hey sleepy,

If you are reading this and the clock says that it is any time before 10 am go back to bed! If it doesn't than you are free to sit on the couch and relax for the rest of the day. I have some errands to run and then a meeting with Leo. I will call you later to let you know what time I am going to pick you up.

I want you to take it easy today, I mean it! No doing any work, except when you are getting ready for tonight which won't be work for you anyway.

If you need anything call me.

Josh.

Donna smiled as she finished the note and looked up at the clock. It was quarter after one. She needed to pick up his tux from the dry cleaners and stop by the drug store for a few items she was lacking in preparation for tonight. She wanted to go to the dinner but then again she didn't especially after what had come out of her mouth the night before.

_AGHGHHH! How incredibly idiotic was that!_

_Donna you know better!_

Donna grabbed her purse and reached for her keys on the table, as she did there was a piece of paper on the table with it. She picked it up un attaching it from her keys and read it.

If you are reading this you are planning to go out, which is against  
the rules. Obviously you have forgotten that your car is still at the White House.

"Damn it!" Donna exclaimed aloud in frustration. She ripped the note off the keys and picked up the telephone calling for a cab. One little fainting spell and Josh automatically thought she was helpless, how annoying is that? Well it was a good thing she thought, he was being arrogant, demanding, sneaky and annoying. He was being Josh.

It was about time.  
* * *

Josh walked through the door without hesitation and stood at the desk patiently. A woman walked up immediately recognizing him.

"Hello Josh. He's expecting you."

"Really."

"Yes, follow me please." She replied as she lead him down the hallway and through some heavy oak doors. Vice President Hoynes was speaking a few men that were gathered around his desk. When he saw Josh enter the room he immediately dismissed them and smile.

"Josh. How are you this morning?"

"Fine. You were expecting me?"

"I wouldn't say I was expecting you per say. I just knew there was a good possibility that you would be coming to see me within the next few days."

"I see."

"Turns out I was correct." Hoynes replied with a toothy grin. "I assume that you have thought over my proposition."

"Yes, I have."

"And you have come to a decision. Well I am glad to hear that, it is going to be a hell of a fight but with you…"

"With me?"

"Yeah, that's why you're here isn't it?"

"I guess it is."

"Is it or isn't it?" Hoynes asked in a tone edged with annoyance.

"Well it depends on how you look at it really. I have survey your proposition and actually debated it for half a second, then I remembered the first time we did this. You look great on paper and you even have a good personality but you are fighting for the wrong team."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah," Josh continued shaking his head. "I realized that your driving force isn't the well being of this country. It is the glamour, glory, and power of sitting in that office. You strip away the speech writers, the PR people and you are nothing but another politician. You don't have what it takes to make it. This country needs a man who speaks from the heart of this nation, who doesn't need the fame and prestige. Who can strip away the facade and still stand tall as a great man."

"You're absolutely right, that is what we need. We need to change things, make people see that it isn't all an image that there is a real man behind the desk. I can be that man, I want to be that man for you and the nation. Josh you can…"

"No you can't."

"Why not."

"Because your name isn't Josiah Bartlet."

"Josh you are kidding yourself." Hoynes gaffed.

"No I'm not, you are, if you think that you can come up from behind and win." Josh replied his voice becoming hard and edged. "Let me give you a little tip Sir. You move forward with this, and keep slithering your way through the party like you are and you'll be a dead man walking before New Hampshire."

"Is that a threat?"

"No, it's a promise."

***

"Where's Josh?" CJ asked.

"I don't know." Sam replied with a deep breath.

"He should be here."

"Yeah," Sam said as he began to pace the small area outside Leo's office.

"He knew the meeting was at eleven?"

"Yeah."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know." Sam replied as he continued to pace just outside Leo's office. The door opened and Leo motioned for them to enter. Toby walked in just after them as they all took seats in the office. Margaret entered the office needing Leo outside and he left for a moment.

"Does anyone know where Josh is?"

"No."

"He'll be here." Sam replied sounding more confident than he sounded.

"We're all alright, I mean last night we all…" CJ added.

"Yeah." Toby replied looking at the door,

Leo walked back into the room closing the door. He looked up at them and just as noticed Josh's absence the door flew open and Josh stepped in.

"Sorry I'm late." Josh said apologetically.

"Glad to see you could join us. Where were you?"

"I had a meeting with Hoynes." Josh replied as they all turned to him staring in shock. Finally CJ broke the silence.

"What about?"

"He approached me last night about joining his campaign."

"And…" CJ pushed.

"And I went over to discuss it with him."

"Really," Toby replied in annoyance.

"Yeah. It was a really interesting conversation at first, it got kind of uncomfortable though after I told him to shove it up his ass." Josh replied with a grin.

They all breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at Josh's description.

"I guess this means you are back in the game?" Leo asked with a nod.

"I'm ready to fight to the good fight."

"How about the rest of you? Are you ready?" Leo asked the rest of them.

"Ready and willing." Sam replied with a smile

"Ready and waiting to spit fire." CJ added.

"Ready and waiting." Toby finished.

"Well now that we are all finally here. Let's get to work." Leo replied as he laughed and they sat down to some serious strategizing. After a productive two hours they decided to break and start fresh on Monday. They only had a few hours until the beginning of the dinner and they all still had loose ends to tie up.

"Josh." Leo called to him.

"Yeah?"

"Glad to see you still know how to stick it to them."

"Yeah well, he had it coming," Josh replied with a smirk.

"Yes he did." Leo replied as he smiled to himself.

"You'll tell the President?"

"Yeah. He'll be happy to hear it. he was afraid we were going to loose you."

"I know."

"How's Donna?"

"Good, she was exhausted when we got to her apartment last night but hopefully she followed orders and rested today."

"Is she coming tonight?"

"Yeah, if that's okay."

"Oh sure, I'd love to see her there."

"Good because she was kind of worried about it."

"Just as long as you don't let her work."

"You don't have to worry about that."

"I didn't think so." Leo replied thoughtfully. "Josh you…"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing, I'll see you tonight."

"Okay." Josh replied as he walked out of the office and down the hall to his office, he started piling the things on his desk ready to rethink every decision and compromise he had made in the past month. Just then the telephone rang and he picked it up.

"Lyman."

"Josh." Donna said on the other end.

"Hey, sleepy. You just get up?"

"Not exactly."

"What's up?"

"Did you pick up your tuxedo?"

"No, not yet I was going to pick it up on my way to…" Josh replied as he heard static on the line. "Donna why are you are your cell?"

"Because it's convenient?"

"Donna where are you?"

"At the drug store."

"I thought we agreed that you were going to stay home today and rest." Josh replied in annoyance.

"No you issued orders and I chose to ignore them."

"Donna…"

"Josh I fainted, I didn't have a heart attack! I can go to the drug store if I want to!" She snapped back at him. "Do you have the receipt for your tuxedo?"

"Yeah I have it here in my coat."

"Okay, I couldn't find it in my purse. Don't forget to pick it up."

"I won't. You're going home right?"

"No Josh, I am going to go down that dark alley right next to my house and wait until someone jumps me!" Donna replied sarcastically, "yes I am going home as soon as I finish up here."

"Okay." Josh replied with a smile at her spitfire. "I'll se you in a little bit."

"Bye."

"Bye." Josh hung up the phone staring at it as Sam walked into the room a document in hand.

"Have you seen this?"

"What?"

"The speech."

"Yeah."

"It's brilliant! I mean it is absolutely brilliant. I am feeling really insignificant here, what does the President even need me around for if he can write…"

"Sam."

"I mean this is it…if this doesn't make the party sit up and take  
notice I don't…"

"Sam."

"Yeah?"

"Am I in love with Donna?"

"What?"

"Am I in love with Donna?"

"You mean love or love love?" Sam replied obviously flustered by the question. "Where did this come from?"

"I don't know…"

"You need to talk to CJ."

"Why?"

"She's a woman."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"I don't know, it just sounded good."

"Sam."

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes you are in love with Donna."

"Love love?"

"As love as you can get."

"How do you know?"

"It's logical."

"What's logical?" CJ asked as she walked into the office.

"Nothing." Josh quickly replied.

"Josh asked if he's in love with Donna."

"Sam!"

"And you said it was logical?" CJ confirmed.

"Yeah." Sam answered.

"No wonder you haven't had a date in months."

"Okay let's just drop it." Josh commented.

"You asked!" Sam objected.

"Obviously that was my first mistake."

"And your second?" CJ asked.

"Not making sure the door wasn't closed when I did."

"So?" CJ asked.

"So what?"

"So you think you are in love with Donna?"

"I thought I just dropped the conversation."

"Well I am opening it back up."

"CJ."

"Josh, it's not like this is some big secret!"

"Not anymore!"

"It never was."

"What are you talking about?"

"Josh we all know that you are in love with Donna, and not because it is logical." CJ replied shooting Sam a look of annoyance. "What happened?"

"Nothing!"

"Josh."

"Okay fine let's just say I have started to realize that our…relationship …has become more than…"

"No kidding?" CJ replied sarcastically as Sam chuckled.

"Okay so it is obvious that this isn't shock to anyone so…"

"So what?" CJ asked.

"So let's just drop it."

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Because this was difficult enough before I knew it was common knowledge!"

"Josh." Sam said.

"What?"

"Tell her."

"Tell her?"

"Which one of those two words didn't you understand?" CJ asked.

"Neither I mean…you think I should just tell her?"

"Not exactly. I mean don't just blurt it out, just do something romantic that shows her and then tell her," Sam elaborated.

"Just like that, you make it sound easy."

"It is," CJ said with a smirk.

"No it's not I mean it's just…"

"Tonight!" Sam added.

"That's perfect, nice romantic evening at the dinner, some dancing,  
conversation…" CJ agreed.

"No, I'm not ready…"

"Sure you are." CJ encouraged.

"But at the dinner, I mean won't that…"

"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of all that, you concentrate on not screwing this up."

"Thanks for the pep talk there CJ."

"Sure, anytime tiger."

"Tiger?" Josh replied as she stood to leave the office. "Hey CJ how  
did you know?"

"It's hard not to recognize true love when you see it up close."

"Yeah, okay."

"So what are you going to do?" Sam asked.

"I don't know if I should do anything."

"Why?"

"It's not like this is some girl I met last night at a bar Sam."

"Your right it's not."

"So it's Donna and I can't just…"

"Can't just what?"

"I just can't screw this up."

***

Donna returned from the drug store and was completely exhausted. She walked in the door of her apartment putting the items down on the table and she walked straight back to her bedroom crawling beneath the covers of her bed. She lay there, eyes closed in that place halfway between conscience and sleep.

Her mind swirled with images of the past few days and what could possibly happen that night. Josh would arrive at the door and be absolutely speechless at the way she looked. He would smile that genuine smile she loved and then he would take her to the dinner. They would dance and talk, he wouldn't step on her feet and he wouldn't have to leave because of any emergencies. She saw herself in his arms warm and safe. She never wanted to leave. He would whisper in her ear and kiss her neck and the music would get louder and louder and…

Donna opened her eyes hearing the blaring music from the apartment above her, she looked at the clock and sat up. She needed to get ready but she honestly didn't want to leave the warmth of the bed and the lingering images of her dream.

Such was life.

She got out of bed and walked to the bathroom turning on the shower,  
she heard the phone ring and walked back over to her bedside table.

_Tell me he didn't loose the receipt…_

"Hello…yes this is she…okay…yeah I can come on Monday.…Yeah … okay…thank you." Donna hung up the telephone and sat on the bed a moment. It was the doctors office on the phone. They wanted her to come down on Monday to go over her test results.

_It's standard, they run tests and they tell you the results. No big deal…_

Donna pushed it to the back of her mind and focused on getting ready for the dinner. She jumped in the shower letting the hot water soothe her aching muscles. She felt like she hadn't even taken a nap. She was so tense and tight, she needed a back massage badly. Maybe she would ask Josh, he has wonderful hands. No, definitely not, because then he would know that she still wasn't feeling well and he would be a pain about it.

Donna's mind went back to the conversation she'd had with the doctor when he explained what the additional tests were for.

"We found an unusually high white blood count cell in your system, it means that your body is fighting something off. Probably just a cold or flu but we would like to run some additional tests to be sure. With your weakened condition we want to make sure that it isn't something to be concerned about."

Donna hadn't thought anything about it, from what the doctor said it was precautionary. So why did they want her to come down to the office on Monday? Why couldn't they just tell her over the telephone?

_Okay Donna, you're tired and over reacting, you need to stop jumping to  
conclusions and just wait and see what he says. _

_Tonight you are going to relax and have fun with Josh. There's nothing to be worried about until the doctor tells you there is something to be worried about!  
_* * *

Josh pulled into the parking lot of the dry cleaners and walked into the small shop. It was small in front but seemed have and endless amount of space in the back.

"Can I help you?" A man asked in broken English.

"Yeah, I here to pick up my tuxedo?"

"Receipt?"

"Yeah, I have it right here." Josh replied pulling it out of his jacket.

"Ah yes, Mr. Lyman!" The man said with a smile as he looked at the  
receipt.

"Yes."

"Where's your wife?"

"My wife?"

"Yes….ah…Donna?"

"Oh Donna!" Josh replied finally understanding him. "She's at home, she's not feeling well."

"Oh that to bad, she nice lady." The man replied as he pulled out Josh's tuxedo from the racks of clothing.

"Yes she is."

"Here you are, have good day."

"Thank you."

"Tell you wife that I hope she feel better."

"Thanks…I will." Josh replied with a grin, liking the way it sounded when the man referred to Donna as his wife. It was an honest mistake, and he didn't see the immediate need to correct it.

He hung the suit in his car and noticed a jewelry store next to the drycleaners. He stared at it a moment and walked over looking in the window. He pulled open the door and began looking through the cases.

"May I help you?" A younger woman asked him with a smile.

"I don't know…maybe." Josh replied as he glanced at the woman who smiled widely at him. "I am looking for a gift."

"For your girlfriend?"

"Ah…yeah." Josh replied not knowing how exactly to answer the question. She wasn't his girlfriend, she was his assistant, no she was his friend.

_God this is confusing._

"We have some beautiful bracelets in this case over here." The girl suggested as he walked to the case.

"I was think more of a…a necklace I guess."

"Well we have several lovely one's in this case here." The girl replied walking over to another case. "Does she wear a lot of jewelry?"

"No, not really." Josh replied trying to remember if he had ever seen her wearing a necklace. His mind went blank and he felt stupid not knowing. "I want something delicate but pretty, you know?"

"Yes. Here is one of my favorites." The girl replied as she pulled out a necklace from the corner of the case. It was an open gold heart set with about twenty diamond chips. It was small, not gaudy and Josh loved it.

"It's perfect, I'll take it."  
* * *

"Do you think he'll do it?" the president asked Leo as they sat in the Oval office.

"I don't know, he'd be stupid if he doesn't but it's not like he's never had the opportunity before."

"What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why is he jumping on the horse now?"

"I don't know, he and Donna have been through a lot the past few days. Maybe with everything that has happened he decided that it was time."

"Maybe, so what's the bet?"

"No Chile for the rest of the term."

"That's pretty steep, and if we win?"

"Oh, I don't know. I was thinking they could have KP duty after the  
next dinner."

"Really? What's the next occasion?"

"Thanksgiving."

"Really, and how many attended last year?"

"Oh, I think it was about two hundred."

"Now that is truly brilliant. I'm in."

"Thank you sir."

"Any comments on the speech?"

"Sam is worried about his job."

"Well that's a good sign. Should we tell him Toby helped write it?"

"No, let's let him sweat it out."

"Okay." The President replied with a smile as he packet up his briefcase. "I must go and dress for this momentous occasion, and so should you. We want to look good for our victory."

"Yes sir."

***

Josh stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom trying to tie his bow tie, usually Donna was with him so that it wouldn't be crooked but tonight was different. He was picking her up, they weren't at the office and it was, well, like a date. You'd think after the overwhelming amount of time he'd spent in this particular penguin suit he would be able to tie a bow tie by now and have it be straight. Truth is Donna had always been there to fix it, it was apart of their routine, one of many they had.

From her calling to make sure he was awake in the morning to making sure his bowtie was straight. He did the best he could with the tie and finally gave up. He grabbed his jacket and picked up the small velvet box that was sitting on the table beside his keys. He held it tightly in his hands wondering where he could put it until he was ready to give it to her. He surveyed his pants and jacket and decided the inside pocket would be the easiest. He grabbed his keys, checking his watch and headed out the door to the car.

It was about fifteen minutes to Donna's apartment, that should give him enough time to get rid of the butterflies in his stomach. He didn't think the butterflies were because of Donna he figured they were about the dinner in general. No one had really vocalized it but this dinner was very important, it was going to be the first bipartisan function since the announcement and if they tanked there was going to be hell to pay.

But they wouldn't, from the speech to all of the careful planning to the renewed energy of the staff it was going to be a huge success.

He hoped.

He pulled up to her apartment, got out and walked into her building he made it to her door and waited a moment taking a deep breath. He knocked and heard her call for him to come in. He turned the door knob and entered the apartment, there was no one in sight and he relaxed a little. That first hello was always tough.

"Don?"

"I'll be right there." She called from her bedroom. "Oh Toby called he wanted you to call him on his cell as soon as you got here."

"Did he say what it was about?" Josh asked as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed.

"No." She replied still remaining an elusive voice from the bedroom. Josh waited as it rang.

"Ziegler."

"Hey what's up?"

"Where are you?"

"Donna's, she said you wanted me to call?"

"Yeah."

"So what's up?"

"Hoynes."

"What about him?" Josh replied trying to concentrate on the conversation but kept remembering the item in his jacket.

"He's here."

"He's there?"

"Yeah."

"What is he doing there?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, well I'll get there as soon as I can. Toby you don't think…"

"I don't know, nothing would surprise me at this point." Toby replied.

"I'll see you in a few." Josh replied hanging up the phone, he was trying to think of a logical reason for Hoynes to show up at the dinner. In a normal situation the it wasn't irregular for the Vice President to attend such a function but since the leak it was looked at as taboo unless of course he was planning something.

"Is everything okay?" Josh turned with her voice. She stood in the kitchen trying to clasp a bracelet around her wrist. She was wearing a deep pink gown just off the shoulders, it complimented her fair complexion and curving neck. Her hair fell in ringlets around her face, it was light and intoxicating.

"Yeah."

"What's going on?"

"Oh…Hoynes is at the dinner."

"Hoynes? Isn't that… I mean he shouldn't…"

"No he shouldn't so we are going to have to figure out what the angle is.' Josh replied as Donna continued to struggle with her bracelet. Josh walked to her taking her wrist gently covering his hand with hers as he took the clasp of the bracelet. He worked on it for a few seconds silently. His heart beat in his chest so loudly he was sure she could hear it. When he finished he looked at her with a smile.

"Thanks." Donna replied as she stepped back.

"Anytime." Josh replied with a small sigh. "Donna you look amazing."

"Thank you Joshua." She replied her eyes glowing, she smiled at him and then grinned. She stepped forward putting her hands on his chest. He stiffened a moment with her touch and then realized she was straightening his bow tie. She finished and then stepped back. "So do you."

"Are we ready?"

"Yeah." Donna replied as she walked over to the counter grabbing her purse. Josh walked over opening the door following her out. They walked down to the car and headed toward the White House. Josh had the radio on, it was playing music for a change instead of the usual talk stations he had it tuned to.

"How do you feel?"

"Good."

"Good, if it gets to be too much tonight let me know and we can leave."

"Josh I'm fine."

"I know you are but I don't want you to push yourself too far." Josh replied as he looked over at her. "It's been a crazy couple of days and you haven't rested like the doctor told you. Speaking of which did he ever talk to you about those tests he ran?"

"No, I am supposed to meet him on Monday to go over the results."

"He called you?"

"Yeah, he called this afternoon." Donna replied not meeting his gaze. She wondered if she should have just lied to him and not said anything.

"Did he say what it was about in particular?" Josh asked anxiously.

"No, I just talked to the nurse to schedule the appointment."

"What did he say when he first ran the tests?"

"Nothing specific."

_Okay that was a lie_…

"Okay, well I'm sure there's nothing to be worried about. He probably  
just wants to see you for a follow up visit."

"Yeah." Donna replied with a smile as she finally turned to him. She could see the concern in his eyes even though he tried to cover it with a reassuring smile. The rest of the ride was quiet as they just sat and listened to the music.

_I shouldn't have told him, he has enough to worry about tonight without having to wonder if there is something else wrong with me. _

_That was really stupid Donna. _

_Just be cool, relax and try and have a good time_.

Josh was getting back to himself and the entire evening was promising to be interesting at the very least.

_I have to admit it took all of my control to hide the blush that crept up when he said I look amazing, thank god for long hair._

_Oh, I like this song…'  
***_

_Was she telling me the whole story or was she holding back for fear I couldn't handle it? I mean I haven't exactly been the pillar of strength lately but she should know better than to try and hide something from me. _

_God she looks incredible. Has she always looked this good? Or am I just noticing now for some reason. It was going to be a fun night._

He couldn't help but laugh as the possibilities ran through his head. He thought about reaching out and squeezing her hand but decided against it. They were comfortable right now, even with the health conversation, he wanted to keep it that way. They were getting back to normal, or at least close to it.

Josh liked this song he turned up the radio, getting a favorable smile from Donna which made him smile.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
with drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey  
she acts like summer and walks like rain  
reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey  
since the return from her stay on the moon  
she listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey  
tell me did you sail across the sun  
did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded  
and that heaven is overrated  
tell me, did you fall for a shooting star  
one without a permanent scar  
and did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there  
now that she's back from that soul vacation  
tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey  
she checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo  
reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey  
now that she's back in the atmosphere  
I'm afraid the she might think of me as plain ol' Jane  
told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

They had both started humming and then mouthing the words as they drove along. He was amused by the grin on Donna's face and he suddenly broke out into full verse screeching and all making Donna laugh and sing with him.

tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet  
did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
and head back to the milky way  
and tell me, did Venus blow your mind  
was it everything you wanted to find  
and did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there…

They both continued to sing all out to the music letting the pretenses  
of their relationship slip away. Laughing and moving to the music. Donna put her hand on Josh's arm as he lost the words of the song. She guided him through to the chorus.

can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken  
your best friend always sticking up for you even when i know you're  
wrong  
can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour  
phone conversation  
the best soy latte that you ever had... and me  
tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet  
did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
and head back to the milky way  
tell me did you sail across the sun  
did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded  
and that heaven is overrated  
tell me, did you fall for a shooting star  
one without a permanent scar  
and did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

The song ended as they pulled in the parking garage and they both were out of breath and laughing. It felt good to laugh, they hadn't done it together in a long time.  
* * *

"What does he have?" Toby asked.

"I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"No, I don't." CJ replied with a laugh of anxiety.

"Why is he here?"

"I don't know."

"You should."

"Well I don't."

"CJ…"

"What do you want me to do Toby, make something up?"

"Yes."

"Okay he has a stick up his ass and he wants you to kick it in further."

"If only the heavens were so kind." Toby replied with a groan as he leaned against the wall rubbing his forehead. Sam walked in the room and they both looked up. "What did you find out?"

"Nothing." Sam replied. "I talked to Edwards and Allis and mum's the word. I got a dance with Rebecca Marstin later though."

"Score."

"Possibly the biggest night of our possible re election is about to  
blow up in our faces and you are working on getting laid?" CJ shouted.

"Well no, just a dace I presume, but who knows."

"Sam!"

"Toby just calm down, it's probably nothing. Hoynes is just here to show how big of and ass he can be."

"No, Hoynes never does anything with it benefiting him in some way. There is something going on and we need to find out what it is."

"Hey." Josh said as he walked in to the office.

"Hey."

"We know anything?"

"Nope." Sam answered.

"Did he say anything to you when you met with him today?" CJ asked.

"Not really. Not that I really gave him a chance to." Josh replied with a grin as Toby continued to pace.

"What is there, what haven't we…" Toby asked aloud.

"Toby I told you there is nothing."

"There has to be something we can't go out there…" Toby continued to pace, slowly but effectively working them all into a panic.

"This."

"What?"

"This is what he wants."

"What do you mean?"

"Hoynes said that we were all running around like chickens with our  
heads cut off…"

"When you went to see him today he must have realized that we are  
back." CJ added.

"So what better way to ruffle our feathers than to show up here and have us running around trying to figure out what he is up to. While we know that we are back no one else does and it would look like things are worse than ever." Sam finished.

"Bingo."

"So here's what we do, we go out there as planned, just like he isn't even here." Josh said.

"That's good if your right." CJ commented.

"So we keep an ear out for anything else he might have planned. Look there's nothing we can do at this point except try and beat him out in solidity. We have something he doesn't." Josh explained.

"What's that?"

"The White House and a speech that is going to kick some major ass." Sam replied with a confident smile.

"Agreed?" Josh asked.

"Agreed." They replied in unison. They all got up and walked out of the room and toward the ballroom. "Where's Donna?" Sam asked Josh as they followed Toby and CJ.

"Leo needed her help with something."

"I thought she wasn't supposed to work tonight?" CJ asked.

"So much for that idea."

They entered the ballroom of people, split up and began mingling. Soon Josh caught sight of Mrs. Bartlet and Leo as they entered the ballroom but still no sign of Donna. He was beginning to get anxious, they had arrived over an hour an a half ago and he hadn't seen her since they walked through the door. He decided to go look for her, she wasn't supposed to be working after all. She was supposed to be having a good time, with him.

Josh finished the conversation he was having and slipped unnoticed out of the ballroom. He wandered the halls of the West Wing with no sign of her. He made his way over to Leo's office and then the Oval office and found the door was open. He peered inside and found Donna standing at the desk with the President and Charlie. The President was talking on the telephone but saw him and waved him into the office. Josh walked in and watched as Donna was reading something intently. Charlie made a comment to her over her shoulder that he didn't hear and then the President hung up the telephone.

"I assume that you are looking for this lovely woman."

"Yes sir."

"Well I apologize she has been helping me with a glitch in the speech."

"Anything I can do?"

"No, I figured I should have the partial owner of the words to help me out, but we are done now and you can whisk her away to dinner and dancing." The President replied with a glimmer in his eye as he saw Josh's face.

Not only did no one know that Toby had helped with the infamous speech but Donna had her part in it as well. "Donna?"

"Yes, sir?" Donna replied as she finally looked up from the document, she just then realized that Josh was standing in the room. "We're good, go have fun."

"But sir…"

"Donna, if I was informed correctly, which I usually am, you are not supposed to be working in the first place. And while I will take full responsibility for that error in judgment. I am now putting my foot down and kicking you and your lovely dress out of the Oval. I insist that you go and enjoy the rest of the evening work free."

"Yes sir." Donna replied with an embarrassed smile as she handed the document to Charlie and walked toward Josh. Josh turned and began to walk out ahead of her when he stopped.

"Joshua."

"Yes sir?"

"That is no way to escort a lady to a party."

"No sir." Josh replied as he stopped holding his arm out to Donna. She smiled, blushing again, and wrapped her arm within his. They walked out of the office together and disappeared around the corner.

"That really isn't fair sir." Charlie commented.

"What?"

"What you just did."

"There is nothing wrong with correcting a lack of chivalry."

"Okay sir, but you better hope that the rest of the staff doesn't find  
out about it or you are going to be doing KP not them." Charlie replied as the President laughed.  
* * *

"So what's the bet?"

"Chile."

"No, I mean if we lose."

"We're not going to lose."

"I don't know CJ, Josh has been known to…"

"Sam, Joshua Lyman wouldn't know romance if it bit him on the ass."

"You might want to rethink that statement." Toby said as he joined them at the table.

"Why?" CJ asked.

"Because the essence of romance is not made or defined, it is captured within a moment."

"Who are you and what have you done with Toby?" CJ commented with a laugh.

"All I am saying is that given the right scenario and the meeting of souls unexpected things happen."

"Sam call security."

"Yeah."

"Hey." Leo said as he joined them. "We know anything yet?"

"Not yet."

"Yeah well the game is a foot, and the opposition has arrived." Leo replied as he motioned to the side of the room where Hoynes was talking with Hemming the Democratic party leader. They hadn't seen him since news of his initial arrival, they assumed he was hiding out for a grand entrance.

"Great. I guess this means I have to get up again." CJ said as she stood from her chair.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked.

"These shoes are killing me." CJ replied with a smirk as they walked off into the crowd together.

Josh and Donna arrived at the table just as they left.

"It's about time you two showed up." Leo said with a smirk as he walked into the crowd also.

"What…"

"Hoynes is talking with Hemming." Toby explained as he stood and kissed Donna on the cheek. "You look beautiful. Time to go to work, Courage."

"Yeah very funny." Josh replied sarcastically as Toby disappeared into the crowd also. Josh looked into the crowd trying to decide on the best approach.

"Josh."

"Yeah?"

"Isn't that Allison Dering standing just to the side of Hoynes talking with Congressman Mitchell?" "I think so why?"

"Well she sent you an email last week asking you about the progress of the Tobacco suit. Did you ever get around to emailing her back?"

"No I…" Josh replied as he looked at Donna who had an evil smirk on her face. "You are…let's go." Josh replied with a smile as they disappeared into the crowd making their way over to Allison and Vice President Hoynes.

***

_This was a bad idea. He should have known that when he suggested it. She wasn't supposed to be working and what had she been doing since they arrived? Working._

The dinner was going well, better than expected, from the few conversations he'd had so far a good range of support for the President's re election bid was relayed. Now whether it was because of the fact that they were in the White House or if the support was genuine had yet to be seen.

Hoynes certainly was making the distinction fogged with his presence. Josh wondered what the angle was, it was apparent his motive but not his strategy. Hoynes bid, if nothing else was going to make things interesting.

Now he was stuck on the dance floor with Allison because she insisted that there was something she wanted to discuss in private. What exactly that was Josh had yet to discover. The conversation so far had revolved around her recent divorce, which meant that he wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

Josh watched Donna as she stood talking with Charlie, he was asking her something about a piece of paper in his hand and Donna kept nodding and smiling. She didn't leave her post near the Vice President though, which was a good thing. Josh looked around the ballroom and didn't see anyone else who had gotten close enough to hear what Hoynes was saying.

Josh continued to watch as Hoynes walked away from the group with a few of his advisors and Donna followed, inconspicuously after him. The song finally ended and Josh was released from Allison's grasp, she said that it was wonderful to talk with him and that she hoped to see him again soon. He smiled, politely excused himself and walked back toward the table where Sam and Toby had filtered back to also.

"Heard anything?"

"Nope."

"I think we're good. He's' not going to do anything tonight, it's too early in the game."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Toby replied as he stared off into his own mind.

"How long before the speech?"

"About twenty."

Toby and Sam began discussing the speech when Josh caught sight of Donna out of the corner of his eye walking toward them.

"Here comes Donna." Josh said to Sam and Toby as she approached.

"So what did you hear?"

"Not much but I did find one comment quite interesting."

"Which one?"

"The one where he said he wanted to lead the Democratic Party into an new era of solidarity and trust." Donna replied as she scanned the room for prying ears.

"Really?"

"Yeah and that wasn't even the best part. Wait until you hear who he is planning to do it with."

"Who?"

"You."

* * *

"What?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Donna heard him say it to Senator Richards as they were walking out of the ballroom."

"Did he say it to anyone else?"

"Not that we know of." Charlie replied.

***

"What exactly happened when you talked with Hoynes this morning?" Toby asked as he paced Leo's office. When Donna told them the news they immediately grabbed Leo to discuss possibilities.

"Well I went and he assumed I was there to accept his offer and I went on to explain that if continued his strategy he would be a dead man walking into New Hampshire."

"That was it?"

"Pretty much."

"So you never accepted his offer."

"No of course not."

"But did you ever say no?"

"What?"

"Did you ever actually say no?"

"No, but I certainly didn't say yes."

"It was a set up." Toby said.

"What?"

"Hoynes knew that you would never leave so he set you up to make it look like you were."

"Why would he do that?" Josh asked.

"He knew that tonight the President would gain strength in his bid so he was looking for something to undermine the victory."

"But it's stupid there is no way that he'll…"

"No, but it will put another edge of doubt in the stability of the administration."

"How when there is no truth to it?" Josh protested.

"It doesn't matter if there is truth or not, just the pretense of it is enough to place doubt."

"So how do we fix it?" Leo asked.

"We need to solidify Josh's loyalty to the President somehow, publicly."

"Okay, how?" Leo asked, as there was a knock on the door. "Come."

"Leo, the President wanted to know if we are still go on the speech in ten?" Charlie asked as Toby and Josh looked at each other their eyebrows rising. Within an instant they dashed out of the room.

"Where is he Charlie?"

"In the ballroom."

"Tell him something has come up and we will be ready in twenty." Leo replied.

"Is everything okay sir?"

"Yeah, everything is going to be just fine."

* * *

Toby, Sam and Josh were able to add in a few lines that directed the President's unyielding need and confidence in his senior staff, lead by Leo. It flowed through all of them but focused on Josh's stride toward justice for the victims of tobacco. It killed two birds with one stone in fact, resolving any question on how the Bartlet administration would be handling the table thus forward and also defining Josh's position and loyalty to that front. They had about ten minutes to spare pushing back the speech until eight, right after desert instead of before. Josh walked from Toby's office back toward the ballroom and saw the light in his office on. He stopped turned the corner and found Donna sitting at her desk searching a drawer.

"You aren't supposed to be working."

"I'm not." Donna replied with a little edge as she closed the first drawer and started through the second. "How did your meeting with Leo go?"

"Good, we adjusted the speech a little and hopefully that will extinguish any hopes Hoynes had of making waves." Josh replied as he paced the small area his mind spinning with possibilities.

"But that doesn't necessarily mean he won't try something else."

"Right, but next time we'll be a little more prepared. This was…"

"A sneak attack."

"Yeah." He finally stopped watching her as she continued looking through the desk. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for something."

"What?"

"I am looking for…" Donna began to reply as she closed the second drawer and stood walking past him to the filing cabinet. " Tylenol."

"Do you have another headache?"

"That's usually what it means when someone is looking for Tylenol." Donna replied with a smile as she walked past him into his office. Josh followed her in and stood watching as she continued her search.

"Okay that's my cue."

"For what?"

"Time to take you home."

"Josh…"

"You are supposed to be resting, and it obviously isn't going to happen here I should have never dragged you to…"

"First off you didn't drag me and secondly…" Donna started to reply as she pulled the bottle of Tylenol off of the bookshelf.

"Donna the only thing you have done since we got here is work and now you have a headache so I am…"

"Josh I've had the headache since before we got here and I am not working I am just…"

"Helping out, I know. Just like you were helping out Toby and Sam before…"Josh started as Donna stopped staring at him.

"Before what?"

"Before I walked back into the office and found out you were in the hospital!"

"Excuse me?"

"Look I let this get out of hand once, I'm not going to let it happen again!"

"Is that what you think?" Donna asked as she continued to stare at him. Josh knew as soon as the words left his lips that he had made a mistake.

"Donna I…"

"No, Joshua that's really what you think isn't it?" Donna replied her face tightening with frustration. "You think that what happened on Thursday was because of you?"

"No I…"

"Shut up!" Donna snapped and Josh quickly complied. "What happened on Thursday had absolutely nothing to do with you! I am the one who pushed myself too hard. I am the one who wasn't paying attention. And for you to assume that you had something to do with it is rather insulting. I can't believe…"

"Donna I am just…"

"Actually I can…" Donna continued as she tore open the bottle and poured two pills into her hand. "It wouldn't be the first time that you have shown your true colors as the ultimate control freak…"

"I am not a control freak."

"Oh really than what is this exactly?" Donna challenged him. Josh stood speechless for a moment by her challenge. He wasn't quite sure what to say that wouldn't get him in even more trouble.

"Okay fine I'll admit that I am not the best person at letting...."

"No kidding."

"But I am just doing it because I am worried about you."

"I'm fine Josh." Donna threw the two pills in her mouth and swallowed, she turned putting the bottle back on the shelf.

"No you're not."

"Josh."

"The doctor…"

"I should have known better, I should have just not…"

"Told me about your appointment on Monday? Donna your health is more important than…"

"No it's not. Not right now." Donna cut sharply. She stopped pushing her hair back behind her ear; her tone softening as she walked toward him standing just inches away. "Josh, listen to me. Don't just humor me, really listen okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm not saying that I am not nervous about what the doctor is going to say on Monday, but that is Monday. No matter what he says the world isn't going to stop because I have a headache. That means you can't stop either. I am touched that you are concerned about me and I thank you for it, but there is a ballroom full of people with a lot of question about all of our fates. You need to get back in there to answer them. That is not going to happen if you are constantly hovering over me like you are now." Donna replied as Josh looked away from her. "Josh I promise I will tell you if I need help and you are going to have to trust me to do that okay? You have bigger things to worry about right now."

"Donna you don't have to…"

"Yes I do." Donna replied sternly. "Now I have taken my Tylenol and I am going back in there to listen to the President's speech and applaud as loudly as possible. Are you coming with me or not?"

He was startled by her strength of purpose and mind. He didn't want to think that she was terrified inside and just hiding it to protect him in turn but he couldn't help it.

"Yeah," Josh replied as he turned following her out of the office, still feeling uneasy and worried but knowing that she was trying to keep him focused on what mattered most at that moment. He wished he could just tell her what he really felt. That he was overpowered with a need to protect her, but she was right, they didn't know anything for sure yet and he needed to focus on the task at hand. No matter how incredibly hard it was going to be.

"Donna."

"Yeah?" Donna said as she turned to face him just as they reached the doors to the ballroom.

"Promise me." Josh pleaded the urgency of his words reflecting in his eyes. Donna smiled gently at him and nodded.

"I promise."

An hour later the ballroom was rocked with heart felt applause and cheers for the President and his words of strength, humility and contrition. As the senior staff stood with the rest of the audience the feelings of determination, definition and hope returned from the places they had been hidden in the previous weeks. They stood tall and strong behind their leader knowing once again that what they had been striving for was honorable and just.

The rest of the evening was filled with congratulations, and excited plans for the future. Riding the momentum for all it was worth they set up meetings and made promises of unwavering force behind the train of success they had surmised thus far.

Josh was loving it, all of it. The challenging questions, the praise and even the discourse of persuasion, Donna stood faithfully beside him keeping track of all the demands and meetings being sure to document every notion in her brain. Every once in a while Josh would come to an opponent who was less than willing to give into the wave of enthusiasm and Leo noticed in those instances Josh seemed to move a little closer. Or was in some way touching her, whether it be her back, hand or even just a look. He seemed to look at her for that strength and confidence he had lost for a time.

Leo watched as the entire staff took advantage of the meeting and put forth new ideas and reinforced laid plans of action. It was a breath of fresh air in the staleness of doubt.

The music began to play again and Leo watched as the President crossed the room with his wife beginning the dance. Others quickly followed including CJ and Toby, Sam and Zoe. Leo watched carefully as Josh continued his conversation not even noticing the music. Leo walked over to the group and put a hand on the small of Donna's back.

"May I?"

"Certainly." Donna replied with a smile as he took her hand and led her to the dance floor. Leo watched as Josh watched them walk out, he seemed oddly distracted all of a sudden and Leo just smiled. "That is probably the biggest grin I have seen in weeks."

"It has been a good night."

"Yes it has."

"Donna I never got the chance to thank you for all the help you have given to the President and myself over the past few weeks."

"Leo I…"

"No, really. I know he has really appreciated seeing a friendly face and I would have killed the entire staff long before, if it weren't for your help."

"Thank you. I was glad to do it." Donna replied with a smile. "I hope I didn't cause too much of a problem with…"

"Of course you didn't, don't even give it a second thought. It could have happened to any one of us. We are all just glad you are okay."

"Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"I know that the speech seems, right now, to be a huge success but do you think it will last, with the investigation and all?"

"It depends what we do with it. You can drop a million dollars in a man's lap but if he just lets it sit there it isn't going to do anybody any good." Leo replied. "After the meeting this afternoon I'm not worried, we're all on track again and that's all I need to know that we will get through this."

"Good." Donna replied with a smile. As they continued to dance to the music Donna let her mind wander. While it was nice to be dancing with Leo she secretly wished that it were Josh. While she had put up a brave front for him earlier she felt very alone, she felt better when he was close. Whether it was dancing or just standing beside him. Leo twirled her around and they came up next to Zoe and Sam. They broke their embrace and Zoe walked up.

"Mind if we cut in?"

"No." Donna replied with a smile as Zoe began dancing with Leo and Sam pulled her into his embrace.

"Are you having fun?"

"Yes, it has been a interesting night to say the least."

"Where's Josh?"

"Oh he's over there discussing politics."

"What? How dare he discuss such things at a White House dinner!" Sam replied with a laugh.

"How did it go with Rebecca?"

"Josh told you?"

"Actually it was Margaret."

"Ah yes the busy bee."

"So?"

"So we danced and we talked and I realized that…"

"That?"

"I'd much rather be dancing with you."

"Okay that is definitely bad. I'm sorry Sam."

"There's nothing bad about it, we just have a difference in the way we look at things?"

"What things?"

"You don't want to know."

"Too bad Mallory couldn't be here tonight."

"Yeah, she couldn't get out of a prior commitment. You know that whole school thing."

"Why don't you call her tomorrow and see if she is free for lunch."

"Donna, are you trying to set me up?"

"No I am just suggesting…"

"Yeah I know, all you women are the same."

"I am not all women."

"No your not." Sam replied with a smile. "You are quite simply amazing."

"Now I wouldn't go that far…"

"Why not?"

"Sam…"

"No, really. You got everyone of this through the past few weeks and I know that you will continue to do the same in the next months. You saw we were in trouble and you stepped in and took the reigns while the rest of us continued to be clueless. Not many people are that intuitive. You should give yourself some credit."

"I was just doing my job Sam, there was nothing noble about it."

"Okay but I know you are amazing even if you don't want to admit it."

"Thank you, Sam."

"You're welcome." Sam replied again with a smile as they danced.

Donna was felling a little self-conscience, two dances and two showering of praise. She appreciated it but didn't see what all the fuss was about, they were her family and she was just helping out as much as she could. Any one of them would do the same for her; it was just the way it worked. Suddenly Sam stopped dancing and Donna turned to see Josh standing beside them.

"Okay give it up twinkle toes, my turn." Josh said with a laugh and Sam took her hand, placed it in Josh's and bowed. Donna laughed as Josh put her hand on his shoulder and began dancing. "You started without me."

"You were busy."

"Yes I was."

"So are you going to meet with Davis and Wyatt on Wednesday?"

"Yeah, I wrote down the place and time on a napkin."

"Good boy."

"I learn, slowly but it does happen." Josh replied with a smile. "So how was dancing?"

"Interesting."

"Interesting why?"

"I don't know…I've been hearing a lot of thank you's tonight." Donna tried to explain as a blush crept onto her cheeks.

"Good, you deserve them."

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"Oh god, not you too." Donna replied as she rolled her eyes at him "Please don't okay? Just stay the focused, blind Josh I know and love okay?"

"Blind?"

"Not…blind. Just…well you know…"

"No, what?" Josh replied with a stern look that he didn't know how long he could keep. He knew what she was trying to say but decided to torture her a little.

"Well you know what I do to help you and you let me know you appreciate it in your own odd little ways. There is just no need for this big thing…"

"Oh, so you are saying I take you for granted?"

"No…not at all. Now you're putting words in my mouth."

"Well I don't. I mean I don't show you enough how much I do appreciate everything you do."

"Josh you don't…"

Josh stopped his eyes piercing her with an emotion she didn't recognize. She watched as he looked around the ballroom briefly. And then took her hand, "Come with me."

"Where are we going?" Donna asked as he led her through the ballroom.

"Some where a little less out of plain view."

"Josh what…" Josh stopped at the balcony door and opened it for her, she walked though out onto the terrace and immediately turned to him in confusion. "Okay, what's going on?"

"I just have a…"

"What?"

"Well I just got you…" Josh fumbled as all the words completely escaped him. She stood there looking at him in confusion. He was speechless he didn't know what to say. He had brought her out here to give her the necklace her had bought and now he couldn't even talk.

"Josh, are you okay?"

"Here." Josh managed to say as he pulled out the small velvet box from his coat. Donna looked at him in disbelief and then stepped forward toward him. He stood there frozen with the box still in his hand.

"This is for me?"

"Yeah." Josh replied in between labored breaths. She reached out taking it from his hand and turned just staring at the box. Now that she had it he relaxed a little as he watched her play with the sachet. "Open it."

Donna turned to him with a smile. She looked back to the contents of her hand and slowly opened the small box. Her eyes suddenly went wide and her hand touched her cheek.

"I hope you like it." Josh said as he stepped toward her anxiously 'I wasn't sure if you already…"

"It's beautiful." Donna replied as she continued to stare at it unbelieving.

"So you like it?"

"Of course I like it, silly." Donna replied with a nervous laugh. "Josh you shouldn't have…"

"Yes, I should have, you completely deserve it after putting up with me for all these years." Josh replied with a smile as she took a deep breath. He stood right in front of her lightly touching her hand. "May I?"

Donna replied with a nervous nod as he took the box from her unlacing the delicate chain from its wrappings. He held it up in the moonlight and saw her eyes shine. She turned around pulling her hair up off of her neck. Josh raised the necklace above her head and then laid it gently around her neck. He clasped the back and waited as she turned to face him.

"It looks beautiful on you." Josh replied as Donna smiled brightly at him. She stepped forward wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Josh whispered back as he hugged her tightly.

***

Josh woke up just as she had walked back into her bedroom. He sat up and rubbed his hands over his face before standing. He quietly walked to her bedroom and could see her reflection in the vanity mirror. She was sitting in her overstuffed chair staring out the window. He wondered what she was thinking about, what had woken her up at three am. He stopped just beside the door wondering if he should go in, he wanted to make sure she was okay but he didn't want to intrude either.

"Josh I promise I will tell you if I need help and you are going to have to  
trust me to do that…"

He did trust her, he knew that she would tell him if something were really wrong but he couldn't help but want to hold her and tell her it was going to be okay, especially now as she sat alone in the dark. Instead he took a seat on the floor silently listening into her room. Their earlier conversation ran through his head, he knew that she was scared even if she wouldn't admit it.

Anyone would be apprehensive if their doctors asked them to come into see them. It's not like it was something that happened if they had good news, it was always something bad. If it was good news you were lucky if you got a telephone call from a desk nurse.

What could it be? It wasn't like she had any dramatic symptoms that he knew  
of. Maybe there was more and he just didn't know about them, Donna wouldn't tell him to keep him from worrying.

Not that he would have really noticed anyway, he had been in such a haze the past few weeks. But that was all over now, thanks to her swift action of smacking him upside the head. The feelings were still there but much more controllable, the anger had slowed and the confusion had dimmed to a light fog. He had needed to talk about it, even though he didn't know it and now he had and he felt better. She had pushed him; it was as if she had somehow read his mind. Knowing that it was going to far, that he was slowly slipping away and she heard his cries for help.

_I love you Josh, I couldn't let you give up on your dream…_

That's what had started all of this; he wondered if she wouldn't have said  
it would he be sitting here now? Would he have ever begun to explore their relationship beyond friendship? He would like to say yes. It wasn't as if it had never crossed his mind, but every time it had it was a fleeting thought that was stomped out by his fierce ambition and the conviction that he didn't need the complication of a relationship. His life was complicated enough.

Now that had changed, everything had changed, his whole world.

It was time for him to change too.  
* * *

Donna woke up late the next morning and walked out to find Josh gone. She was both happy and disappointed. Happy because she didn't have to get dressed and she could lay on the couch lazily for a while and disappointed simply because he wasn't there. She lay on the couch as planned for about on an hour and then decided it was time to get up. She took a shower and got dressed emerging from her bedroom just as the telephone rang.

"Hello."

"Good afternoon sunshine!" Josh said cheerfully.

"You sound happy."

"Yeah well hopefully it's infectious. You hungry?"

"A little."

"What do you want I will pick it up on my way."

"Here?"

"Yeah, where else? You're resting remember."

"Resting is great but I feel like I have been cooped up forever, do you think we could go out?"

"Are you sure you are up to it?"

"Yes, Joshua."

"Okay I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Okay." Donna replied as she hung up the telephone.

She grabbed her purse, quickly re brushed her hair and was finishing the dishes as Josh opened the door.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Ready?" Josh replied with a smile, he was wearing a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. Looking quite comfortable, he waited as she picked up her purse and walked down to the car with him.

"So where are we going?"

"There is this little sandwich place down on fourth. They have awesome corn beef."

"I'm there." He replied as he opened the door for her, she got in the car and her walked around getting in himself and they were off. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine." Donna replied with a grin. "When did you leave?"

"Around six. I had some errands to run, sorry I didn't leave a note or anything I thought I would be back before you woke up."

"Oh please Josh it's not like you are chained to my side or something. Have you heard from Toby or CJ yet today?"

"Yeah I talked to Toby earlier."

"How are things going?"

"Fine, he is going to call me if there are any problems."

"Is he expecting there to be problems?"

"Yeah, but we aren't supposed to be talking about this right now." Josh  
scolded. "It is my day off and you are supposed to be resting so I am laying the rule right now, no more talk about work."

"Okay." Donna replied as they pulled up to the deli, she grinned a little making a secret bet with herself on how long he could go without talking about work. They ordered their food and took a seat at one of the tables outside. The sun was warm and bright and Josh saw she was still wearing the necklace he had given her the night before, he smiled to himself.

Donna removed her outer sweater putting it over the back of her chair revealing  
her tan curving shoulders which lead into her long soft arms. She kept her sunglasses on and sat back smiling at him.

"What?" He asked her trying to read her expression.

"I am just waiting."

"For what?"

"Nothing." Donna replied as Josh looked around at the other guests. There were a group of young adults sitting at a table a few feet away playing a card game, laughing and talking. "Have you ever played?"

"What?"

"The game they are playing, have you ever played?"

"I don't know I'd have to hear the name of it."

"Egyptian rat fuck."

"Excuse me?"

"That's the name of the game they are playing, Egyptian rat fuck."

"That's the name of it?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever played it?"

"Yeah. Have you?"

"I don't think so."

"It's fun."

"I can imagine." Josh replied as he watched Donna stand up from her chair, "Where are you going?"

"I'll be back." Donna replied as she walked away.

This wasn't going well, he didn't want to talk about work but he didn't have  
the foggiest idea about starting a conversation that wasn't about work. Suddenly his cell phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket and answered it.

"Lyman."

"Hey." Toby greeted.

"What's up?"

"We need to talk about Hoynes."

"I'm kind of busy right now."

"Are you on a date?"

"Yes…I mean no… I am having lunch with Donna."

"Where are you?"

"I'm down at a deli on fourth street…"

"I'll be down in twenty." Toby replied and then hung up the phone. Josh growled and hung up the phone.

_Great…_

He redialed Toby's number just as Donna came back, he quickly hung up and  
put the phone back in his pocket.

"Where did you go?"

"Just inside." Donna replied as she began to clear the table. She pushed their drinks off to one side and pulled out a deck of cards.

"Where did you find those?"

"Inside." Donna replied as she began to deal. "Okay here are the rules. We each get twenty six cards…" Donna began to explain as Josh went to pick them  
up. "Josh!"

"What?"

"Will you listen please, you aren't supposed to look at them."

"Oh." He replied as he set the cards back down on the table. "Okay I am listening."

"The object of the game is to obtain all of the cards. Now what you do is put a card down, then I put a card down." Donna said as they simulated what she was saying. "Okay you put down a five and I put down an eight."

"So what happens?"

"Nothing, put another card down." Donna replied, Josh put down a jack.

"Okay you put down a jack so I have to put down two cards. If it was a queen I would put down three, king, four or Ace is five. Now you put down another one." Donna explained, she had put down a two and a seven and Josh put down a seven also. Before Josh could blink Donna swiped the cards off the table with a smile.

"What happened."

"It was a double. If you put down a seven and I put down a seven the pile  
is up for grabs."

"Grabs?"

"Yeah, whoever can sweep it first."

"What happens to the cards?"

"They are now apart of my deck. We just keep playing until one of us runs out of cards."

"So if a face card is put down then the other players as to put down and if it is a double than we fight to pick up the stack?"

"Right."

"I got it."

"Okay, so we'll use this game as a trial run to practice."

"I have to warn you I rule card games. So prepare to get you but kicked."

"We'll see."

They continued the game and Josh quickly picked up on the rules and started  
to become a little cocky.

Donna decided to kick it up a notch and started to speed it up a little. Soon they were throwing cards at each other and slapping the table to fight for the double pile. They laughed and exchanged comments with Josh finally winning the first game. Donna began to deal the second when there food arrived, they ignored it an delved into the second game.

Toby arrived three games later and walked up to the table.

"Hey."

"Hey." Josh replied not taking his eyes off of Donna or the game.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing…Hah!" Josh exclaimed as he threw down an ace. "Put 'em down

missy."

"That's okay I'll just get them back." Donna replied with a laugh as she dealt out the five cards.

When she was done Josh threw out a card and they both jumped forward slamming their hands down on the table. Donna got to the pile first as Josh tried to pull her small hand off. He finally gave up with a growl and Donna laughed. "I told you."

"Hoynes is planning a press conference tomorrow."

"Yeah, so?"

"So, we need to work on a rebuttal."

"You and Sam can handle it." Josh replied as he continued to play the game with Donna.

"I am aware that Sam and I can handle it but I assumed that you would want to be…" Toby replied taking the seat on the other side of Donna.

"HAH!" Josh exclaimed as he swept up the cards off the table. "Eat that  
baby!"

Toby's cell rang and he answered it as he continued to watch them play. He watched them go back and forth and quickly picked up the game. The next time a double was put down he swept the pile out from both of them.

"Hey!" Josh exclaimed, as Toby hung up the phone. "You can't do that!"

"Yes I can." Toby replied as he put the cards in pile in front of him face down. "Go."

"Can he do that?"

"Actually he can."

"GO!" Toby exclaimed as Josh restarted the game. They played and Toby managed to turn the tide in his favor and win the game. "Now that I have your attention."

"Did Leo call you?"

"No."

"CJ?"

"No."

"Toby it's our day off. Since there is really no one else overly concerned  
we can wait on this until tomorrow." Josh replied as Donna smiled. 'Besides, I made a deal with Donna that I wouldn't be discussing work today."

"Okay." Toby replied without a fight.

"Who's deal is it?"

"Mine." Josh replied as Toby handed him the deck of cards and sat back in  
the chair eyeing Donna's uneaten sandwich.

"Are you in?" Donna asked.

"Yeah. Are you going to eat that?"

***

"It was not…"

"Yes it was, the song is called 'Circle in the Sand' and it is sung by the Bangles." Josh protested as Toby dealt the cards.

"You are half right."

"No I am all right. Donna please, I know my music."

"Josh it's not…"

"Okay fine you want to bet?"

"You're wrong."

"If I am wrong I will by you a CD of your choice." Josh offered. "But if I  
am right…"

"It really doesn't matter because you're wrong."

"You are just so confident about this aren't you."

"Yes I am, you are wrong. Circle in the sand was sung by Belinda Carlisle.

It was off of her first Solo album 'Heaven on Earth' after the Go Go's broke  
up. So you are so totally wrong."

"And I am saying that it was the Bangles."

"Josh…"

"I remember the video Donna! Susan Vega was sitting on the beach looking  
all sex kittenish! I'm not wrong."

"Josh you are thinking of 'Eternal flame'."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Toby back me up here will you?"

"Sorry, couldn't help you there Josh, I was more of a 'Flock of Seagulls'  
kinda guy."

"Tell me you didn't…"

"Yep."

"That I would pay to see." Donna replied with a laugh. "I'm still right."

"Fine if you insist on buying me a CD, there is a Virgin two blocks away,  
let's go."

"I didn't say I was wrong…"

"Joshua who better to decide the accuracy of the winner than a music store?"

"Alright, let's go." Josh replied as he stood up following her out of the restaurant.. "You are so going to lose."

"Shut up Josh."

"We'll be back."

"I'll be here." Toby replied as he took a sip of his drink.

Josh and Donna hopped in his car and drove over to the store. The car was quiet at first, both of them stubbornly set in the their opinions.

"I'm right."

"No, you're not."

"So what do I get if I win?"

"You're not going to."

"But what if I do?"

"Fine, pick something. But don't get too attached because it isn't going to  
happen."

"If I win you have to bring me coffee everyday for a whole month."

"Fine." Donna agreed.

"What, you're not even going to protest?"

"I don't have to because you are wrong."

"Here we are, I guess it's time to find out." Josh replied as they pulled up to the store. It was fairly busy inside and it took Josh a few minutes to find an available clerk. It was a geeky looking guy with glasses and messed hair.

"Hi, Robbie." Josh started reading the boys name tag. "My friend and I have a little bet going about a song, do you think you could help us?"

"I guess."

"The bet is that The Bangle's sang "Circle in the sand.' Not Belinda  
Carlisle."

"Who is who?"

"What?"

"He thinks it was the Bangles." Donna explained.

"Dude, it was Belinda Carlisle."

"No."

"Dude it was off of her first solo album 'Heaven…..."

"Thanks for your help." Donna replied as she turned with a smile. She walked down the aisle pondering which CD she was going to choose. Josh was still in a state of shock but finally caught up with her. "So is there a limit as to what I can get?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well this Springsteen box set is looking rather enticing…" Donna replied with a smirk as she held it up to him.

"One CD."

"Oh don't be such a sore loser, betting on it was your idea."

"Yeah, because I thought I was going to win."

"Too bad." Donna replied as she walked a little further. Josh cell rang as she disappeared around the corner.

"Lyman."

"Did you lose?"

"Yeah."

"You should have known."

"How?"

"Donna never bets unless she is absolutely sure."

"How do you know that?"

"I've lost to her a few times." Toby replied.

"You could have warned me."

"What's the fun in that?"

"Yeah." Josh replied as he watched Donna reappear on the other wall looking through the shelves. He felt like he knew everything about her but he was quickly realizing he hardly knew anything at all. "You heading out?"

"Yeah."

"Adios."

"Bye." Toby replied as he hung up. Josh hung up his own phone and walked toward where Donna was standing.

"Was that Toby?"

"Yeah, he is taking off."

"I guess it's just us again."

"Guess so." Josh replied as Donna turned leaning against the rack. She smiled at him and he felt his heart melt. "Did you pick something?"

"Yeah, did you want to look around at all?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Okay." She replied handing him the CD, he purchased it and met her out in front of the store. They got in the car and he handed her the bag. She put it in her lap and they drove off.

"I meant to ask you about something." Josh said as Donna winced a little.

_Please don't let it be about what I said, please, please, please…_

"What about?"

"Leo said you met with Oliver on Thursday."

"I thought you decided we weren't going to talk about work?"

"Oh yeah…" Josh replied as a thought filled silence filled the car. They pulled up to her apartment and Josh followed her up the stairs silently. She opened the door and he took a seat on the couch while she went back to her bedroom.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Josh asked.

"Sure." She replied from the bedroom.

"You pick."

"What are my choices?" she asked from the bedroom.

"Ummm…let's see, we have Fight Club, Rounders or Someone like you."

"Someone like you." Donna replied as he got up putting the tape in the VCR.

Donna finished putting her hair up and walked into the kitchen pouring herself a glass of water and grabbing the bottle of Tylenol. She also pulled a soda out of the  
refrigerator walking back over to the couch. She grabbed the blanket off the chair and wrapped it around herself as she sat down next to him..

"You cold?"

"A little." Donna replied as she poured out three Tylenol into her hand popping them in her mouth and swallowing them. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, his mind spinning again, just then her telephone rang. She went to get up and Josh stood first.

"I'll get it."

"Thanks."

"Hello...yeah...uh huh…okay... yeah I'll turn it on…" Josh hung up the phone and walked back to the couch.

"Who was it?"

"CJ."

"What's going on?"

"Hoynes is having a press conference."

"When."

"Eight."

"That's in a few minutes, did she know what it was about?"

"Nope. I can only assume it is about last night."

"Well if we are waiting on the movie I am going to change. You want some sweats?"

"Yeah, thanks." Josh replied his mind seemingly far away. Donna walked into  
the bedroom and re emerged after a few minutes a T shirt and sweat pants in  
hand.

"Yeah… okay…but not until after I talk to you first…she needs to take care  
of some things first….yeah…bye…" Josh hung up his cell and turned to Donna who was standing staring at him in annoyance.

"Who was that?"

"Leo."

"What were you talking about?"

"You."

"JOSH!"

"Donna I just want to make sure you don't have to see Oliver until after…"

"I knew you would do this!" Donna replied as she threw the clothes at him.

"What?"

"Josh you can't just take over my life!"

"I'm not."

"You are doing this because I wouldn't tell you what he said aren't you?"

"Yes, I mean…no of course I'm not."

"It was your stupid rule!"

"Okay maybe it was a little but I just want to make sure that…"

"Josh you have to stop doing this!"

"What? What am I doing!"

"This!" Donna exclaimed as she turned and shook her head. "You have to stop jumping to conclusions and going ape shit on the proactive front!"

"I've talked with Oliver Babish. I really don't think that I have far to jump."

"But you don't know what I talked with him about, besides the minor fact that you automatically assume that I can't handle seeing him again!"

"Donna I just…"

"I know that you think that you are helping Josh but I can take care of myself! I wish you would just…"

"What?"

"Just…"

"Donna what?"

"As soon as something happens you jump on your first instinct and I just wish that you would just stop and think about it for a moment before you go making decisions that aren't yours to make!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Stop."

"What?"

"The news conference is on." Donna said as she pointed to the television.  
They both immediately turned to the television and watched as Vice President Hoynes made a statement. He went through a pointless statement of support for the inquiry and the President.

"What is he doing?"

"Stalling."

"He wants them to ask."

"Right."

He finished his speech and then opened the floor for questions.

"Sir is it true that Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman came to your office just yesterday in negotiations of joining your staff?"

"Yes, Deputy Lyman came to my office yesterday but it was not to talk about joining my staff. I have worked with Josh and he is one of the brilliant minds of this administration, but with conditions as they are presently I would not consider bringing him or the allotting complications into my office. I have too much to focus on to allow for that type of distraction at this point."

"That bastard!" Josh exclaimed as his cell rang. He picked it up and talked into it enraged by the statement Hoynes had made. He listened to Toby vent and saw as Donna rubbed her forehead. He finally hung up the telephone and hung his head down.

"I should have just let it lie. I should have never gone to see him yesterday."

"It's done. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"Yeah, I just made the hole a few feet deeper is all, no problem."

"Josh…"

"I know, I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, your pissed and that is understandable." Donna replied as she continued to rub her head.

"Come here."

"What?" Donna asked as she looked at him. He waved his hand to come and sit in front of him on the floor and she complied. As soon as she sat down he began rubbing her shoulders. She began to melt with the touch of his hands, it felt so good.

"I'm sorry I called Leo."

"You should be."

"I was just trying to…"

"I know you were just trying to help but sometimes I wish you would just  
stop. When I didn't tell you what happened in the car your mind went nuts. You need to learn to be still and just let things happen instead of trying to control them all the time."

"Learn to be still?"

"Yeah." Donna replied with a smirk, hearing her own words coming from his lips. "You are too busy, that mind of yours is always on fast and you are never still."

"Is this like some weird Voodoo thing that Nancy taught you?"

"No, it's just a way to get some clarity. You should try it."

"Why?"

"Because it helps to un-jumble the mess and show you what is important." Donna replied as she turned facing him as she rose from the floor. "Show you answers to problems or situations that may get lost up in there."

Josh stared at her for a moment and then abruptly stood facing her. They were inches apart. Taking her face in his hands he smothered her mouth with a deep but hesitant kiss.

He slowly pulled back and framed her face softly with his hands, brushing her hair with his fingers. He couldn't help but smile at the bewildered look on her face as he lowered his head to fully meet her eyes.

He could feel her short breaths on his lips as they touched hers again, it was timid and slow at first both of them getting used to the feel of the others touch. He pulled her closer deepening the intensity of the kiss, igniting the flames behind it, she felt wonderful in is arms. Soft and affectionate as her arms lay relaxed on his chest. The embrace was broken as they let their foreheads rest on each others.

"Josh I…" Donna barely said as she suddenly became lost in the intensity of  
the moment, the warmth of his hand on her cheek.

"I know that I am not one of the most sensitive men on the planet, and I know I screw up fairly often but I also know how I feel right now. You are my muse, you always have been. Things happen that make people realize what is important to them. I wanted to tell you last night but I didn't really know how or even if I should. You mean so much to me and I was afraid if I…"

Josh continued nervously and then stopped as Donna put a finger to his lips. She smiled a little and he smiled back the wordless moment speaking volumes.

Josh tilted his head a little moving in a little closer to her, she waited and then closed her eyes just as his lips touched hers again, he lingered a moment and then began to pull away. She quickly re-caught them with her own and his hand became tangled in her hair.

They heard the telephone ring again and ignored it, the reporter commented on Hoynes statement and they shut it out. They whole world could have fallen to pieces in that moment and they didn't care.

They had both waited so long to be here, they were going to revel in it as long as possible.

Unfortunately the Josh's cell continued to ring and then Donna's started to ring as well and they had to give into reality. Josh answered his cell and Donna stood up answering hers in the kitchen. Donna answered it and told the person to hold on walking it over to the couch as Josh talked with Sam on his cell.

"Yeah I agree…but…Sam hang on."

"It's Leo."

"Okay, Sam I'll call you back, Leo's on the other line." Josh said as he  
hung up his cell and took the phone from Donna. Just as he began talking his cell rang again and Donna picked it up as Josh stood from the couch trying to concentrate on his conversation with Leo.

"Hello…hey Toby, yeah he is actually on the phone with Leo, can he call you back. Okay…yeah I'll tell him…bye." Donna leaned back on the couch and suddenly wasn't feeling very well. She closed her eyes and the room began to spin in her mind. Josh's cell rang again and she answered it. "Hello…hi…CJ…yeah…he's on the phone with Leo now…yeah…I…no I'll have him call you back…" Donna hung up the phone just Josh hung up with Leo and took a seat next to her on the couch. "You okay?" Josh asked as he looked at her. Her face was suddenly really pale and her eyes were heavy.

"Yeah." Donna replied with a nod. "You need to call CJ and Toby back."

"Okay. Don, are you sure you are okay?"

"Yeah, I just need some air."

"I can call CJ and Toby from downstairs if you want to go outside."

"Yeah okay." Donna replied as she stood and Josh wrapped his arm around her. They went down the stairs and Donna sat down on the steps. Josh looked at her in concern and she tried to smile but didn't think it came out that way.

"This shouldn't take long, just sit here and relax." Josh said as he put his arm around her and dialed the phone. She leaned against him closing her eyes breathing the cool air into her lungs.

She really didn't like this, she felt like her mind was swimming and unable to stop. The air seemed to help and having Josh's shoulder to rest her head on certainly didn't hurt.

They had kissed. And it wasn't just a fleeting moment, it really meant something to both of them. Stupid headache! She should be walking on cloud nine right now, glowing with joy. Instead she was sitting outside trying to get her head to stop spinning. At least he was here with her, it helped a lot more than she was willing to admit. Well she would know soon enough what her bodies problem was, and then they would fix it.

Hopefully.

"Hey, you ready to go upstairs?" Josh asked as he raised her chin to meet his gaze. She nodded sleepily and stood up, her took her hand and lead her up the stairs and straight back to her bedroom. He sat her down on the bed after pulling the covers down, she laid her head on the pillow and he climbed in behind her wrapping his arms around her, pulling the blanket over them both. She turned in the bed to face him, curling her head just underneath his chin.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave."

"I won't." Josh replied from what seemed to her a million miles away. He kissed her forehead and she drifted off to sleep in the warmth of his arms.

***

Josh walked into his office setting down his backpack, within an instant Sam  
walked in also.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I set up a meeting at One with Mitchell, to go over the GC depot, Leo  
wants…"

"I can't."

"What?" Sam asked.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I'm already booked."

"Well just have Donna move some things around and…"

"Donna's not here."

"Isn't she coming back today?"

"No, she'll be back tomorrow."

"Oh. Well what's the appointment? I can move Mitchell back, tag along and  
we can be there…" Sam offered.

"I can't. I have a thing…"

"A thing?"

"Yeah."

"When will you be back?"

"I really don't know." Josh replied as he unpacked his back pack.

"Josh when you and Sam meet with Mitchell…" Toby said as he walked into the office.

"He can't."

"Why?"

"He has a thing."

"You need to get out of the thing."

"I can't."

"Josh, come on we need to ride the wave here, the thing can wait."

"Toby…"

"We got our asses kicked yesterday we need to be out there…"

"And I will be just not be at one."

"Josh…"

"Toby, look it's not up for debate here, deal with it!" Josh snapped as he  
sat down at his desk.

"Sam.." Ginger called into the office.

"Yeah, I guess we'll.."

"Yeah." Toby replied as Sam left the office. Toby stood staring at Josh for  
a minute and moved his head back on his shoulders. "What's the thing?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing if you are putting everything else on hold because of it! You aren't thinking about going down to see Hoynes again…"

"Toby…"

"Well it wouldn't be the first stupid thing you have done lately!" Toby flared and then he stopped as he looked at Josh's face. "Is Donna the thing?"

"I'm not…"

"Josh is Donna the thing?" Toby demanded.

"Yeah."

"Leo's going to want to know why…"

"Yeah, I am going to talk to him."

"What's going on?"

"I don't know, but she isn't..." Josh struggled trying to wrangle hi thoughts. "Her doctor called on Saturday saying that he needed to see her today. Her appointment is at one."

"Do you know what it is?"

"No."

"Okay."

"This doesn't leave this room, not until…" Josh replied sternly. "I'm sorry  
about Mitchell but this is more important."

"Yeah." Toby replied as he lowered his head a little and left the office.

Josh sat in his chair staring blankly at his desk. It had been a long night, Donna had fallen asleep and then woke up close to midnight in a cold sweat. He didn't know what to do so he did the only thing he knew how to. He held her close and tried to get her to fall back asleep.

It happened three more times through the night and then she woke up nauseas. He thought about calling Leo and telling him he wouldn't be in but Donna insisted that he go to work, she would be sleeping anyway.

When he left he had put her back to bed and she promised to call when she woke up. He set her alarm just in case she slept to late for her appointment and came to work.

Last night scared him, first with her pale face when he hung up with Leo,  
and then the events that followed. He had never seen her look so weak and frail. Donna was always strong, and there was little sign of that strength in her eyes last night. Instead she looked lost and completely drained.

In a matter of minutes he went from the highest of highs with a simple kiss to an aching worry deep within his soul.

What was going on? it was making him crazy. He couldn't wait until one, he needed to know now and he needed to fix it, make her better.

That sounded familiar.

"Josh."

"Yeah?"

"You planning to join us?" Leo asked as he stepped in the doorway.

"Yeah." Josh replied as he got up from his chair and followed Leo out of the office and down the hall.

The morning staff meeting was full of energy. Toby was smooth about covering his needed absence with Mitchell and Josh made a mental note that he owed him one. They had a new plan of action and everyone was ready to move forward full power. As the meeting broke Josh lingered and Leo looked up at him in question.

"What's up?"

"Leo, I need to talk to you about something."

"What is it?"

"It's Donna."

"I know she's not here. I told her she could take as much time as was necessary, I am having Margaret find you a temp for the day."

"Yeah."

"Josh?"

"Leo, I think she is getting worse," Josh began to explain catching Leo's attention.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not really sure." Josh explained as he took a seat on the couch.

"Donna's doctor called on Saturday before the dinner and asked her to come and see him today at one.

"You going to go?"

"Yeah I'd like to be there in case...."

"Okay." Leo approved with a nod. "Did they give her any…"

"No."

"How sick is she?" Leo asked as he realized the worry on Josh's face.

"I'm not really sure, she just doesn't seem to be getting any better. I was with her last night and she was nauseated and kept waking up in a cold sweat. She got really pale yesterday after I talked to you and...well frankly she is scaring me."

"From what you said it doesn't sound too serious but if the doctor…"

"Yeah that's what I was thinking."

"Okay, let me know."

"Yeah, I will." Josh replied as he got up to leave.

"You sure you want to be here?" Leo asked honestly.

"Yeah, Donna would kill me if I loomed over her all day instead of making a  
mess of things here." Josh replied

"Good woman."

"Yeah."

***

He was late.

_Damn it!_

He was late. Twenty minutes to be exact. He pulled into the parking lot and hurried to the building.

Third floor, room 218.

He rushed through the lobby and into the elevator. It took everything in him  
to stand still.

_Be still, just be still._

The door finally opened and he walked to the desk asking where 218 was, the nurse informed him it was down the hall and to the left. He quickly found the room and the door was closed, there was no sign of Donna.

_Should I knock? Hey sorry to interrupt, but I'm late…_

No he would just have to wait until it was over. She would come out of the office and tell him what the doctor had said and then…

_What then?_

_What do I say, what if it's really bad?_

_What if it was nothing, just a follow up visit?_

_What if she is crying…_

_What if she doesn't want to see me…_

Josh looked at his watch again, he was pacing. Back and forth, back and  
forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Then the door opened. Josh turned and saw a man walk out. He heard her voice  
and held his breath. She was smiling, kind of…

She walked out of the office and saw him as she nodded to the man in the  
small room.

"They'll be waiting for you down in the lab, Donna. Call me if you have any  
questions."

"Thank you, I will." She stepped out of the office and he immediately walked  
to her.

"Hey."

"Hey." Donna replied as she stood in front of him nervously.

"Sorry I'm late."

"It's okay." Donna replied as she looked at the floor.

"You okay?" Josh asked as he gently lifted her chin to meet his eyes. She still looked very pale and a little flustered.

"Yeah."

"You want to go sit down?"

"Yeah." Donna replied as he put his arm around her and walked her over to  
the adjoining room. They sat down on the couch and Donna looked at him apprehensively.

"What did he say?" Josh asked, his voice just above a whisper. Donna played with her hands nervously and he put his hand over hers tenderly. "Donna you can tell me."

"Yeah…" She looked up at him nodding. "The doctor found an unusual number of white blood cells in my system when I was here on Thursday. He ran some tests. He told me about them but said that there was nothing to be alarmed about. It was just to make sure everything was okay." Donna stopped taking a deep breath. "He said I have something called Addison's Disease."

_Breathe…_

"How the doctor explained it was that my adrenal gland is not producing enough hormones," she began to explain.

"What does that mean?"

"Well without the sufficient amount of hormones my kidneys are not able to regulate salt and water balance. This causes an increase in blood volume and my blood pressure to drop. Thus the symptoms I have experienced, like the dizzy spells, exhaustion and nausea."

"Do they know what caused it?"

"They aren't sure, they have to do some more tests. What he thinks is happening from the elevated amount of white blood cells in my system, is that it is an autoimmune disorder. The immune system makes antibodies that attack the body's own tissues or organs and slowly destroy them."

"What can they do?"

"He said that the treatment is fairly simple, he is going to give me some  
pills to take and I will be fine."

"You'll be fine…"

"Yeah." Donna replied finally smiling.

"Donna…"

"Josh this is good news I am going to fine." Donna replied as she kissed him on the cheek and began to stand. "I have to go down to the lab, they are waiting for me. Did you bring my car?"

"Yeah but…"

"Good, here are your keys, I parked out front." She replied with a smile as she handed him his keys. "After they are done poking me in the lab I am going to go home. Will you come by after work?"

"I…" Josh replied as she took her keys from his hand. She smiled gently at him as she brushed a stray hair off his forehead.

"I'll call you when I get home, okay? No worrying, I am going to be fine."

"Yeah okay, but go straight home."

"Okay, I promise." Donna replied with a smile. He smiled back and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her gently and then she stepped back. "I have to go."

"Go, but remember your promise!" Josh called to her as she walked down the hallway. Josh stood a moment letting out a deep breath, he shoved his hands in his pockets and started toward the parking lot.

_She's going to be fine…_

He heard her say it, he said it to himself and yet … Was it the wording? It is a disease, not a virus, not a syndrome, not an infection, it is a disease. His gut told him he wasn't getting the full picture here. He needed to…

_No, I am not going to jump the gun, I am not going to go off half crazed and upset her…She told me that she is going to be fine and I believe her. She wouldn't lie to me about something like this._

Josh got back to the White House with an uncomfortable knot in his stomach. He tried to convince himself to just let it be, if there was more she would tell him. They would talk about it tonight and she would tell him everything he needed or wanted to know.

He walked thru the halls in a daze and finally arrived in his office. He sunk down into his chair trying to clear his mind, determined to get back to work and not be usual controlling Josh. He was going to let it lie and wait.

_Wait._

There was a knock on the door and Josh nearly jumped out of his skin, CJ laughed and walked into the office.

"Where you been?"

"Ahhh…I had an appointment." Josh replied as he tried to look busy by moving things around on his desk. 'What's up?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering how your weekend was."

"CJ you just saw me Saturday, there really wasn't much of a weekend left after that."

"I know but I just happened to notice that certain piece of jewelry around  
Donna's neck during the latter half of the dinner and I was…"

"Josh."

_Thank God…_

"Yeah?"

"Leo wants to see you." Margaret said as she walked into the office.

"Yeah okay I'll be right there." Josh replied as he stood and CJ followed him out of the office.

"So what did she say?" CJ asked as they walked.

"About what?"

"Josh, you can't not tell me!"

"CJ I really don't think…"

"You owe me something!" CJ insisted as they reached the door to Leo's office. "Come on, just a tidbit."

"Okay what do you want to know?" Josh replied as he turned to her, putting his hand on Leo's door knob.

"What did she say?"

"Thank you." Josh replied as he opened the door walking into the office, leaving CJ standing in the hall.

Leo was sitting behind his desk reading a folder, he immediately looked up as Josh closed the door.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"How'd it go?" Leo asked as Josh took a seat on the couch.

"Fine…good…I'm not exactly sure…"

"What happened?"

"I don't know exactly, I wasn't there." Josh replied as he looked down at his hands. "I got caught in a meeting."

"Did she tell you what the doctor said?"

"Yeah, they told her she has something called Addison's disease."

"What's that?"

"From what I gather it is a type of hormone deficiency."

"Is it treatable?"

"Yeah, they are going to give her some pills."

"That's good." Leo replied as he stood a walked over to Josh taking a seat  
in the chair across from him. "So what?"

"What?"

"Why do you look…"

"I don't know…I just…" Josh replied as he stood up in frustration. "She was  
just too happy about it."

"Of course she's happy, Josh, I mean yeah she has some sort of hormonal imbalance but if it is treatable she should be happy." Leo replied in confusion.

"Yeah I know but she was too…"

"What?"

"I don't know. She told me what the doctor said and just dropped it."

"So you think there is something she isn't telling you?"

"Yeah." Josh replied. "Do you know…"

"No, I have no idea, but Abby is in the residence why don't you talk to her if it is bugging you."

"I don't Leo, Donna doesn't…."

"If there is something more going on Donna is going to tell you, but it might be a good idea to be prepared when she does."

"Why?"

"So you know how to help her get through it."

"Yeah, okay."

"I'll go get her." Leo replied as he walked out of the office closing the door behind him, leaving Josh alone in the silence of the office.

His mind continued to swim with endless images and possibilities, he hated that he couldn't just wait for Donna to tell him what was really going on but Leo was right. If it is worse than she is letting on then he needed to be prepared for it.

She was so stubborn but then again so was he. Why hadn't she told him? Maybe it was too much. Maybe she needed to deal with it herself before having to help him deal with it? Maybe he was over reacting and there was nothing else?

Suddenly the door opened again and Abby Bartlet walked into the office followed by Leo.

"Mrs. Bartlet I hope…" josh started as he stood from his seat on the couch.

"Sit down Josh and don't even think of apologizing for this…"

"But I…"

"Leo told me everything on the way over. Do you know anything about Addison's, Josh? Beside what Donna told you ?"

"No. I was hoping…"

"Addison's disease occurs when the adrenal glands do not produce enough of the hormone cortisol and in some cases, the hormone aldosterone. For this reason, the disease is sometimes called chronic adrenal insufficiency, or hypocortisolism. Cortisol belongs to a class of hormones called glucocorticoids, which affect almost every organ and tissue in the body. Because cortisol is so vital to health, the amount of cortisol produced by the adrenals is precisely balanced. It is regulated by the brain's hypothalamus and the pituitary gland."

"So Donna's glands aren't producing enough of the cortisol to keep the  
balance that is needed in the body?"

"Correct."

"So she was telling me everything."

"Do you now what kind of treatment they are planning for her?"

"Well Donna said that they were going to be giving her hormones to make up  
for the deficiency. So she's going to be fine right?" Josh replied as he looked to Mrs. Bartlet hopefully.

"In a normal circumstance Josh I would agree with you but…" Abby replied  
looking puzzled for a moment.

"But what?"

"Does Donna's doctor know where she works?"

"I would assume so.. I don't really know, why?"

"Cortisol, the hormone that Donna's system has a lack of, it's most important job is to help the body respond to stress. One of the risks of this disease is keeping an accurate balance of needed hormones prevalent in her system. The more stress the body is under the more cortisol that is needed."

"What happen if there isn't enough?"

"Something called an Addisonian crisis."

"What's that?"

"Some of the symptoms of a Addisonian crisis include sudden penetrating pain  
in the lower back, abdomen, or legs. Severe vomiting and diarrhea, followed by dehydration; low blood pressure; and loss of consciousness." Abby explained as she carefully watched Josh's response. "If it is left untreated Josh, an Addisonian crisis can be fatal."

"Are you trying to tell me this disease is fatal?"

"No, not at all, not if the hormone levels are properly maintain and monitored." Abby explained.

"Donna said that they were doing tests today, to help determine the severity  
and dosage that she would need…" Josh explained.

"Josh…" Abby started as she looked at him, trying to carefully chose the right words. "Trying to determine the precise amount of replacement hormones needed to keep the body running is very difficult. If you add an extreme stress to that calculation it makes it nearly impossible."

"What are you saying, the doctor is going to tell her to cut all of the  
stress out of her life?"

"Possibly."

"That's crazy, she can' t just…"

"Josh this is a unique situation."

"So you know the situation, if you were Donna's doctor what would you recommend that she do?" Leo asked.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah." Josh replied anxiously.

"Quit her job."

***

She was numb, she had been poked and prodded so much in the past few hours  
that she was numb. She couldn't feel anything. She couldn't feel the pain and anger welling in her chest, she couldn't feel the hopelessness and despair settling in her stomach. Instead she felt nothing, it was better that way. It had gotten her through telling Josh, it had gotten her through the tests and it would…

It would keep her together, it would keep her from thinking about what the doctor had said in the small sterile room instead of just hearing it over and over in her mind.

Donna unlocked the door of her apartment and walked inside. She stood, suddenly absorbed by the quiet. It almost buzzed in her ears, it became louder and harder to ignore as it broke down her defenses.

_No, I am not going to do this now…_

_I can't…_

_She had a disease._

_A disease that wasn't fatal but was going to take away her entire world none the less, and there was nothing she could do._

_No…you have to be strong, you have to not…_

She shook her head and walked back into the bedroom. She sat down on the overstuffed chair pulling off her shoes.

"Ow," She said aloud as she stretched her arm outward. It was bandaged up from the testing they had subjected her to at the hospital. She tugged at the bandages trying to pull them off, they finally loosened their hold on her skin and she peeled them back. The inside of her arm was black and blue, bloody and painful to look at. Her hand unconsciously went to the pendent around her neck.

Her thoughts unwillingly went back to the conversation she'd had with her doctor before Josh arrived at the hospital. She tried to push it back, but it was relentless in it's own pursuit of her focus.

"Now as I explained with the correct balance of supplemental hormones in your system you can lead a health, active, normal life."

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that."

"There is one factor we need to resolve Donna."

"What's that?"

"Well according to your file you work in the White House."

"Yes."

"I am assuming that your position is fairly relevant from the caliber of  
visitors you had here last week."

"Well I wouldn't say it is relevant but I like to think I make a difference, yes."

"What exactly is your position?"

"I am Josh Lyman's assistant, why?"

"Donna one of the major factors concerning this disease and it's treatment is stress levels. You see the hormone that we are replacing balances stress related factors in the body."

"I'm sorry I don't understand."

"Donna in order for this treatment to be completely successful you are going to need to have as little stress as possible."

"I can take my vacation early, it's really not a problem…"

"Donna I don't think you understand, this treatment doesn't diminish in a few weeks this is a diagnosis of treatment for the rest of your life."

"I'm sorry, are you suggesting that I…I mean do you mean I am going to have to…"

"Donna it is the best way to ensure your condition doesn't worsen beyond what it has. We have caught it in the early stages, so replenishment of the hormones will be relatively simple provided…"

"I am not going to quit my job."

"Ms Moss I understand that…"

"No, you don't understand, I am not leaving my job!" Donna replied sternly. "Now I am sorry if that makes your job a little more difficult but…"

"It isn't a matter of making your treatment more difficult. Donna if you don't leave your position at the White house I cannot guarantee that the dosage is going to be entirely effective."

"Isn't there some way that you can alter the dosage…"

"Yes there is, but again there is no guarantee that it will…"

"I understand."

"I hope you do. Continuing with your position is not…"

"I understand."

Donna was suddenly brought back by the telephone ringing, she stood up and walked into the kitchen continuing to let it ring. She pulled open the refrigerator taking out a bottle of water she closed the door, listening as the machine picked it up.

"Hi Donna it's, Mom, I know that you are probably at work but I wanted to  
check and see how you were doing. Give me a call back later. Bye."

Donna waited a moment and then walked to the telephone, she picked it up  
dialing a number. She waited as it rang and finally a woman's voice came over the line.

"Josh Lyman's Office."

"Hi, my name is Donna. Is Josh available?"

"I'm sorry no he's not, can I help you with something Miss?"

"Do you know when he will be available?"

"I'm sorry I don't. Who is this?"

"My name is Donna…"

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No I…"

"I will let him know that you called, thank you." The woman replied coldly and hung up the telephone.

Donna stood listening to the dial tone. She hung up also resting her forehead on the receiver taking a deep breath. Suddenly in a fury of emotion she threw the telephone across the room and swept her arms over the table sending everything crashing to the floor.  
* * *

After his conversation with Mrs. Bartlet and Leo, Josh immediately wanted to go to Donna's apartment but instead he got roped into a meeting with Toby and the judicial committee. They droned on, he didn't even hear the debate. Toby was handling it, he was just there for support and leverage if needed.

Thankfully, Mrs. Bartlet offered to do some research and call in a few favors at the hospital. She was going to see if they could arrange special treatment within the White house so Donna could stay on staff.

_Had the doctors told Donna that she would have to leave? _

_What if they hadn't? _

_What if Mrs. Bartlet was wrong?_

_No she wasn't wrong, she's never wrong_.

The doctor had told Donna and she had just left that part of the story out. It must have been too much to deal with at the time, he understood that. This whole thing was a lot to deal with, it was unimaginable for him and he could just imagine what it was like for Donna.

_They had just…and now this happened._

His mind went back to the day before. How they had laughed and talked while

Donna kicked his butt at that stupid card game. They'd had fun, more than they'd had in a while. It felt good. It was nice to see her smile and know that he was the one who was making it happen. She didn't deserve this, any of this. She deserved to be happy all the time, to have life where she wouldn't have to quit her job to stay alive…

He wanted to give her that happy life. He wanted to make sure that she was always smiling, he just wasn't sure if he could.

His life was anything but stress free, in fact most of the source of the stress in her life had been him. He'd always expected to much from her. Demanded that she not only be at his beck and call but also his conscience, his focus. He had demanded that  
she always be there for him, and she always was…is…Now it was his turn.

"Josh."

"Yeah?" Josh replied as he turned toward Toby. As he looked around he realized the room was empty. The meeting had ended and he hadn't even noticed.

"You aren't here."

"Yeah sorry. You had it, I was just here for…" Josh replied as he stood and walked around the conference table.

"How did your appointment go?"

"I can't…I can't really talk about it right now." Josh replied as looked at Toby for some understanding.

"Is it…" Toby started as he exhaled, obviously struggling with the statement. "Is it bad?"

"I don't know yet." Josh replied seeing the lines of concern edge Toby's face.

"Will you let me know?"

"Yeah." Josh replied as he opened the door. "Yeah, I'll let you know."

Josh stepped out into the hall walking toward his office.

"Josh."

"CJ I really can't…"

"Josh, I need to talk to you."

"CJ I am not going to tell you…" Josh started as he walked into his office picking up his backpack and beginning to fill it.

"Josh something came up in the seven o'clock."

"So have Sam take care of it, I have to go."

"I need you…"

"CJ I can't…I have to go…"

"Josh…" CJ started and then stopped as she turned closing the door.

"CJ I don't have time…" Josh replied in frustration.

"Will you shut up for a second!" CJ yelled at him, he face deadly serious.

"A leak came from the hospital…"

"Look we already dealt with the anesthesiologist…"

"It's not the President, Josh. It's Donna."

"What?"

Look I have a lid on it, but James got a report that a member of the support staff have been diagnosed with a fatal disease." CJ explained as she studied Josh's reaction. "Josh what's going on?"

"CJ I can't…"

"What do you mean you can't?"

"Look it's not my…"

"Is it true?"

"I'm not…"

"So it is true." CJ replied as she took a deep breath and leaned against the table across from his desk. "Tell me."

"I can't."

"Josh I don't know how long…"

"I know, just let me talk to her first okay? Keep it quiet for just a little longer…" Josh replied as he threw his backpack over his shoulder walking toward the door.

"Can you at least tell me what it is?" CJ called after him as he opened the door and started down the hall.

"Talk to Leo."

Josh left the White House and drove straight to Donna's apartment. He parked the car and walked the stairs to her door and knocked. There was no answer so he pulled out his key and unlocked the door. As he stepped inside her heard the sound of crushing glass beneath his feet. He looked around the apartment and found the floor littered with broken objects. The table sitting behind her couch that was once littered with pictures and mementos was completely cleared, all of the items broken into useless fragments beneath his feet.

"Donna?" Josh called into the apartment as she shut the door putting his bag on the couch. He looked for her and found nothing. "Donna?"

Josh picked the telephone off the floor as set it on the vacant table. He

looked back to the bedroom seeing the light was off. He then stopped hearing a smothered sob from the darkened room, he walked in turning on the light and saw her sitting on the floor. She was curled in a little ball against the bed her face hidden in her arms.

"Donna…" Josh said going to her. She looked up at him her eyes red and her cheeks tear stained. As soon as she saw him she wrapped her arms around his neck continuing to sob uncontrollably. He held her closely to him just letting her cry.

"Oh God Josh, I'm sorry…" Donna said in between sobs.

"Sweetheart for what?"

"I'm sorry…" She repeated again. Josh leaned back taking her face in his hands making her look at him.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Josh said as he wiped away his tears with his thumb. "What ever is going on, whatever the doctor said. We are going to get through this Donna. You're not alone sweetheart, we are going to get through this, together."

Josh held Donna in for a long while letting her find comfort in the warmth  
of his arms. Eventually she pulled away looked up at him.

"There she is." Josh said with a smile as he brushed her hair off her face. "I have an idea, why don't you take a nice long shower, I will order us a pizza and then we can snuggle on the couch and talk about all of this, okay?" Donna nodded silently with a small smile as Josh helped her to her feet.

He pulled her close again into a hug, kissing her forehead. She hugged him back and then disappeared into the bathroom. Josh walked back out through the kitchen and into the living room picking up the telephone. He quickly ordered a pizza and began searching the closets for a broom. As he finally found it his cell phone rang.

"Yeah."

"How's it going?' Leo asked.

"Not as well as I'd like."

"What's wrong?"

"I can't really talk about it." Josh replied as the doorbell rang. He began to dig in his pockets opening it. The pizza delivery boy stood patiently in front of him.

"CJ is breathing down my neck for a conclusive decision about what we are  
going to do."

"Yeah I know, I need some more time Leo. It's not like she has had a lot of  
time to deal with this."

"Yeah, okay let me know what she decides." Leo replied as Josh finally paid  
the patient boy, took the pizza and closed the door.

"Leo."

"Yeah?"

"What if she wants to come back."

"What do you mean?"

"Would it be a problem?"

"No, I'd make sure it wasn't."

"Thanks Leo." Josh set down the pizza on the table and hung up the phone.

He took hold of the broom and began sweeping up the broken remnants of the table. He had successfully discarded all of the glass and then began picking up the framed photographs surveying what was salvageable.

The first one was of Donna and her parents in front of their house. Next was a picture of the staff from two Christmas's ago. That was the year he had gotten her the book on skiing. She would have preferred ski's but he just couldn't do it. Every time her thought of it, a snow bunny image popped into his head that he just couldn't get past.

He moved to the next picture of himself and Donna at the last Governor's Ball, boy that was a night. Talk about trying to be in six places at once, there had been an error in releasing a newly developed proposition so the entire staff was busy trying to keep the principle participants away from each other and the impending conversations. It was hectic but they got it done and they certainly made up for it afterward at the bar.

He wasn't quite sure how he got home that night but he woke up the next morning safely in his own bed.

"I guess I made a mess didn't I?" Donna said as Josh turned looking at her standing just behind the couch. She had on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, her hair was loose around her face and to him she was the most beautiful thing on the planet.

"Yeah well, everything that was worth anything can be saved." Josh replied  
as he motioned the pictures he had on the table. Donna came around as he picked up another picture looking at it and laughing. "What is this?"

"What?" Donna asked looking over his shoulder as she climbed over the back of the couch taking a seat next to him. He handed her the photo and she laughed. "You don't remember this?"

"No." Josh replied in amusement as he looked at it again closely. There were three people dressed up in elaborate costumes, their faces un recognizable. One was a clown, another was the Phantom of the Opera and the third was a dorky looking Frankenstein.

"You don't remember this?" Donna asked as she looked at him with a smile.

"Four years ago, the children's hospital in New Hampshire? The campaign?" Josh still looked clueless and Donna began to giggle. "Josh that's you Toby and Sam!"

"No." Josh replied as he took the picture studying it closely. "No."

"Yes! Remember Sam was on that Phantom kick, he kept playing it in the office and the President hid his CD? You and Toby waited until the last minute to get your costumes so Ginger and I had to make an emergency trip to Wally's world of costumes?"

"Oh my God! You went as a ballerina and Ginger dressed up as a dog! I didn't know you had this?"

"Of course I do, it was a great time. We all had so much fun that day. Remember when you got dared by that little kid…what was his name…to bob for apples with your wig on and when you came up….Josh what are you doing?"

Donna asked as she watched him get up with the picture and start to walk away.

"What?"

"Where are you going with that?"

"I am putting it in a safe place where it will never be found…"

"Josh no…." Donna exclaimed leaping from her seat trying to grab the

picture back from him. He quickly responded by raising it above his head. She rebutted by tickling his ribs. He began laughing and squirming "Give it back!"

"No…" Josh replied as he tried to get away from her.

"Joshua give it back!" Donna demanded with as smile as continued to tickle him. Finally he lowered his arms a little and she grabbed it from his hand. "Thank you."

"Donna wait." Josh replied a sudden look of alarm on his face.

"What?"

"Your arm, let me see your arm…" Josh said as he gently took a hold of her arm turning it over. "What…what happened?"

"It's from the tests." Donna replied uncomfortably as she pulled it away.

"I guess I bruise more easily than I thought." Donna turned away from him and Josh was stuck with the painful image in his head. "Did the pizza come yet?"

"Yeah it's on the table." Josh replied shaking himself back to the moment. "Are you hungry?"

"A little." Donna replied as she watched Josh turn and walk into the kitchen pulling some paper plates from the cupboard. "The doctor said that it will take a few weeks before I get my appetite back."

"That's okay, just eat as much as you can." Josh replied as he put a piece for her and handed it to her. Donna took the plate and walked back over to the couch taking a seat. He pulled out two for himself and retook the seat on the couch beside her. Josh took a bite of his pizza and then turned to her. "Did the doctor say anything else?"

"Yeah, he did actually…" Donna replied looking away from him. "When he was explaining about the disease he said that the hormone that I am not producing has a direct effect on the regulation of stress in the body. "

"Did he say how it was going to effect you?"'

"Yeah he did but it doesn't matter now."

"It must matter a little if he said it Donna."

"It does but I've already made up my mind, so it doesn't anymore."

"Made your mind up about what?" Josh asked as he set down his plate on the table in front of him. Donna put her pizza back on her plate and stood up walking into the kitchen. "Donna?"

She threw away her pizza and turned back toward him a look of pensive apprehension on her face.

"The doctor suggested that I leave my position in the White House." Donna replied as Josh took a deep breath and stood up walking to her.

"If that is what you have to do to get better than maybe…"

"Josh I'm not going to quit."

"What?"

"I thought about it and I have decided not to quit."

"Sweetheart if the doctor thinks that it is going to interfere with your…"

"From what the doctor did say this thing didn't just suddenly happen it has been developing for a while . The reason they even caught on to it was because I pushed myself too hard. If I just watch my self I'm…"

"Donna…"

"Listen to me Josh, my job isn't anymore stressful than Nancy's. Now that I  
am aware of my…condition… it will be easier to control…"

"Donna this is your life we are talking about, you can't just play…"

"Yes it is, and I refuse to give up it up because of this."

"What if you can't…" Josh replied as he turned away and began to pace.

"I can, I know I can."

"Don, I know when you are not in the middle of it you think that you think  
you can control it but I just don't think…" Josh gently started a pleading in his eyes for her to change her mind.

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes, why don't you think I can keep a handle on it?"

"Donna we work in the White House, it isn't exactly the most predictable work environment. At times you could almost call it hostile. The demands of…" Josh replied a sarcastic edge in his voice that he hadn't intended. He could tell it set her off, precisely what he was trying to avoid doing.

"So you don't think I will be able to do my job anymore…"

"Not exactly, I just…"

"Because if that is what you're saying you should just come out and say instead of trying to act overly concerned whether or not I can still handle Toby yelling at the top of his lungs down the hall!" Donna yelled back at him, an equal amount of sarcasm dripping in her voice.

"Donna I'm not…"

"So because I have this label attached to me now you automatically assume  
that I am less than capable…"

"That's not what I said…" Josh snapped back, becoming frustrated with the conversation.

"It is what you said Josh!"

"No it's not!" Josh yelled back. He quickly recoiled looking into her reaching eyes. "What I said was that outward stress of the environment may be too much for you to handle."

"Too much for me to handle?"

"Okay, not you. Your body." Josh replied, he knew why she was fighting so hard.

_This thing was going to slowly take over her life and she refused to let it. _

_God, she was stubborn._

"I know full well you run circles around everyone in that office, and I have no doubt that you still can." Josh started as he walked back to her taking her hands in his tenderly. "I'm just concerned about your body keeping up."

"Josh I can't…"

"I just don't want you to walk into a situation without knowing that you may have to walk away."

"So you're saying I can come back?"

"Yes, if you are sure it's what you want to do. " Josh replied as a huge

smile spread across her face. "But there are conditions."

"Ah conditions, I knew there was a catch." Donna teased as she rolled her eyes at him playfully. He led her back over to the couch sitting her down as he sat next to her.

"You are going to take it easy at first and ease your way back into it. You are still weak and you don't need to be pushing the envelope." Josh explained in a very serious voice that made her smile even brighter.

"Delegate as much as possible until your treatment has been regulated and  
you are feeling better. And you always have to eat and take a break even if you don't have time, understand?"

"You know you are adorable when you are like this."

"And..."

"There's more?"

"No more picking up extra work. You work for me and that's it!"

"But what if…"

"No, that's it, me and only me. And I will make that clear throughout so don't go trying to help behind my back because…"

"I get it, is that all?"

"No, there's one more thing."

"What?" Donna replied with a little pout. Josh tilted his head slightly tenderly touching her hair. She softened a little as she saw the genuine fear reflecting in his eyes.

"If it gets to be too overwhelming. If something is wrong, if you start getting headaches, dizzy spells, anything you have to promise me that you will tell me." Josh said, almost begging. "Promise me."

"I promise." Donna replied with deep sincerity that made him exhale. "Thank  
you."

"Don't thank me yet, you'll probably be ready to quit by the end of the week."

"Never."

"I am going to remember that you said that." Josh replied with a smile as he brushed a lock of hair from her forehead.

"I know you will." Donna replied with a small smile. Josh wrapped his hands in her hair and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her gently and then deeply, the warmth of compassion and intensity fueled between them. Abruptly his cell phone rang and he groaned as he released her.

"Why does that always happen?"

"Maybe you should consider turning it off." Donna suggested as he jumped over the couch and pulled it off the kitchen table.

"Yeah…uh huh…yeah okay…yeah I did….okay…" Josh hung up the phone and turned to her.

"What?"

"We are going to have company."

"Who?"

"Toby, CJ and Sam."

"What's going on?" Donna asked as he jumped over the couch again to her side.

"Well I kind of have something to tell you…"

"Josh…" Donna replied, knowing that look on his face all to well.

Josh explained the press situation to her and she was fairly intimidated. She had never been the focus of a leak before. She disappeared back into the bedroom to freshen up before the rest of the Scooby gang arrived and Josh checked the news stations. The doorbell rang and josh got up answering it. Sam and CJ were the first to arrive two pizza's in hand.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I hope we aren't intruding."

"You are."

"Hey guys." Donna said as she appeared from the bedroom. She had changed into jeans and a sweatshirt pulling her hair up into a pony tail. Standard late night work gear.

"Hey Donna." Sam said as he put down the pizza and walked over giving her a  
hug.

"What was that for?"

"Just because." Sam replied with a smile.

"Okay." Donna replied with a smile.

"Sorry about invading your house."

"No problem, my roommate has seemed to mysteriously disappeared." Donna replied giving Josh a sideways glance.

"Toby on his way?"

"Yeah."

"So…" Sam said uncomfortably.

"So, I hear there has been a leak."

"Yeah, Donna, there has." CJ replied solemnly.

"So does that mean you all already know?"

"No, it doesn't. Leo wouldn't tell us anything and neither would Josh so we  
figured…"

"That you would all show up here and get the story from the horses mouth." Donna replied as cheerfully as possible.

"Yeah." Sam replied as their was another knock on the door. Josh answered  
it and Toby walked in with two six packs of beer.

"Ah, and here's Shaggy now."

"Hey." Toby said as he walked in "Sorry I'm late, did I miss anything?"

"No, Toby we were just getting started." Donna replied with a smile as he  
set the beer on the table.

They all dove into the pizza and grabbed a beer as Donna went through the  
diagnosis step by step. Josh helped her explain the prognosis and treatment all the while they sat silently taking it all in.

"So what have you decided?"

"I am going to continue working."

"You cleared this with Leo?"

"No I…"

"Yeah, he said it wouldn't be a problem." Josh finished as Donna looked at him in confusion for a moment. The room suddenly became silent and Donna immediately became uncomfortable.

"Guy's I am going to be fine."

"Well that has yet to be seen."

"Toby…"

"I'm not comfortable with it. It's a huge liability as well as a tremendous  
risk to her health."

"Toby I am right here and I would appreciate if you have something to say  
if you would please say it to me."

"Fine, Donna I think you are being impulsive and taking a tremendous risk." Toby replied as he now looked directly at her. "Besides the minor fact that we already have one disease to contend with, we don't need another."

"It's not your decision," Josh defended.

"No it's not, but that doesn't mean I can't voice my opinion about it."

"Fine, we've heard your opinion Toby. It doesn't change her decision," Josh finished.

"No I guess it doesn't but I wish it would." Toby replied as he turned away rubbing his forehead.

"Okay, the leak said it is a fatal disease."

"It's not." Donna said.

"Do they know the exact diagnosis?" Sam asked.

"I don't know." CJ replied.

"Can we find out?" Josh asked.

"Possibly."

"So we have two scenarios, one they know and two they don't," Sam said.

"Right, if they know we can handle it similar to the way we handled MS and  
explain the nature of it and the treatment." CJ said.

"And if they don't?"

"We can pass it off as a rumor or lessen the diagnosis," CJ explained.

"So we can lie?" Donna asked.

"No, we just say that it is a matter of doctor patient confidentiality and  
that it in no way effects her position."

"It does," Toby interjected.

"No, it doesn't Toby." CJ countered. "There are no debilitating cogitative symptoms involved. It can be treated as directly as an extreme case of menopause."

"What about the leak?" Sam asked

"What about it?"

"Do we have an idea who it is?" Josh asked.

"No."

"Does it matter?" Donna asked.

"Kind of, if it is a technician or an orderly it can be turned as an unreliable source. If it is your doctor or an attending physician it can be more difficult to show lack of credibility," Sam explained.

"So I am going to need your doctors name and any other names you can think  
of. Anyone you saw or talked to at the hospital either today or last week," CJ requested.

"I don't know how much I can remember but okay."

"Good, let's start a list." CJ replied as she got up and followed Donna into her bedroom. Josh began cleaning up the pizza and empty beer bottles, as he turned Sam came up beside him.

"How is she doing?'

"She is still pretty shaken but she'll be okay."

"When is she planning to come back?"

"Tomorrow."

"That soon?"

"Yeah, the doctor doesn't want her to go back at all but he said that if she is feeling better she could."

"Her doctor told her that he didn't want her to come back?"

"Yeah. He is afraid that her stress levels will be to hard to control."  
Josh replied.

"And you're letting her?" Toby asked as he turned to both of them.

"It's not my decision to make, she wants to come back. I can't force her  
not to."

"Yes you can."

"What?"

"Josh…"

"Yeah I know what he is saying Sam." Josh replied as he walked to Toby  
standing toe to toe with him. "Leave it alone Toby okay? She needs our support right now."

"Yeah she does, I am just surprised you aren't giving it to her." Toby replied quietly as Donna and CJ returned from the bedroom.

"If you think of anyone else let me know." CJ said as she walked to the couch picking up her coat. "I'm going home, and I am taking you two with me."

"CJ I'm not…"

"Shut up Sam." CJ replied as she handed Toby his coat.

"Get some rest." Sam said to Donna.

"I will thanks." Donna replied to Sam as he followed CJ and Toby out of the  
apartment. "Bye!"

Josh closed the door after them and Donna sat down at the table resting her head on her hand.

"What are you thinking about beautiful?" Josh asked as he took the seat next to her.

"I don't know, I just didn't know this was going to be such a…"

"Don't worry about it, CJ will handle it." Josh replied as he put his hand over hers. "Now it is time for you to go to bed. You have a big day tomorrow."

"I do?"

"Yeah, you get to come back to work."

"Oh yeah, back to my demanding boss and his grumbling."

"Watch it there Ms Moss." Josh replied as he took her hand lifting her to her feet. He put her in front of him, facing the opposite direction, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as they walked into the bedroom together.

"By the way, what did you do with Nancy…"

***

Donna sat at her desk and checked her email, eighty five unread messages. Her desk with piled with just as much backlog as her mailbox was.

Josh in his infinite ability to drive people crazy had a nasty reputation of not being able to hold a temp for more than a couple of hours much less a couple of days.

Needless to say he had lived up to it once again, leaving Donna piles of weeding and organizing to do over the next week. She wasn't complaining though. In fact she was taking thorough enjoyment in the fact that there was so much to do. She didn't have time to think, and yet she could sit quietly in her little corner and move at her own pace.

It was a quiet Tuesday, well, quiet for the White house anyway. She had only counted twenty crisis's so far instead of fifty, and it was almost noon. That was pretty good. Josh was still on the Hill with Toby and wouldn't be back until later that afternoon.

He hadn't been bad this morning either, he reminded her that she worked for him and not anyone else and then kissed her on the forehead and left for his meeting.

This, of course, all happened behind the security of the office door, free from the prying eyes of the gossip hounds. They hadn't discussed what they were planning to do about the impending "Assistant/ Boss " scandal yet.

But they seemed to have an unspoken understanding that what happened between them , was…well…between them. Donna didn't want outside opinions causing complications just yet, she was sure Josh was thinking the same way and that was the way it was going to be for now.

"Donna."

She looked up from her computer and saw Charlie entering the bullpen.

"Hey Charlie." Donna replied with a smile.

"I'm glad to see that you are feeling better."

"Thanks."

"The office just hasn't been the same without you."

"I don't know about that, but okay. What's up?"

"The First lady was wondering if you might be free for lunch today?"

"Yeah, of course." Donna replied with a perplexed smile.

"She is making sandwiches down in the kitchen and wanted to know if you would like to join her."

"I'd love to." Donna replied as she stood from her desk and followed Charlie out of the bullpen. "Is there something going on that she wants to talk with me about?"

"I don't think so, I think she just wants some company. Alice has the day off."

"Oh, okay."

"See you later." Charlie said as he turned off going back to the Oval office as Donna continued down to the kitchen. She walked through the back doors and found Abigail Bartlet standing at the counter slicing a tomato.

"Hi Donna."

"Hello Mrs. Bartlet."

"Donna when are you going to start calling me Abby?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright I am used to it." Abby replied with a smile as Donna grabbed the lettuce and started washing it. "Josh on the Hill today?"

"Yeah."  
"How have you been feeling?"

"Much better, thanks." Donna replied as she finished washing the lettuce and set in on the cutting board.

"Good, I don't want to hear about you pushing yourself like that again."

"Yes Ma'am." Donna replied humbly, as if a child who had just been scolded by her mother.

"Donna the reason I asked you here, besides wanting some company for lunch, was because Leo told me about the diagnosis." Abby said as she put down the knife and looked at Donna with caring concern. "I am concerned by your decision to come back to work."

Donna wasn't sure how to respond, on one hand it was none of the First Lady's business and on the other she was…the First Lady.

Talk about a rock and a hard place.

"Donna I am not here to lecture you in any way. I can understand you wanting to not let the diagnosis change your life but I have to say as a doctor I am wondering what's prompted you to come to the conclusion you have." Abby asked as she continued. "I know your doctor must have explained to you the risks involved with putting yourself in this situation."

"Yes he has." Donna replied quietly as she took a seat across the counter from her. "Mrs. Bartlet I just don't think of my position with Josh as an uncontrollable risk. Yes it is fast paced and minute to minute, but when I think of stress I think of unhappiness and I am not unhappy at all. I would be more unhappy if I were to leave."

"And you told this to your doctor?"

"Yes I did."

"And what did he say?"

"He thought I was crazy." Donna replied with a smirk, not wanting to compromise the seriousness of the conversation.

"Yes, I guess he would." Abby replied as she turned opening the refrigerator behind her. She pulled out some bread, cheese and meat setting them down on the table.

"But he doesn't know what it's like here, no one does unless you are here. These aren't just people I work with, they are my friends. My family. Walking away from them would cause me more pain than any disease ever could."

"So that's when you decided to stay."

"Yes." Donna replied confidently.

"Well while you seem confident that you can handle yourself, for my own piece  
of mind I have arranged a staff physician."

"That's really not…"

"I know it's not, and it is only temporary until they get the proper dosage of Cortisol in your system. I would like you to check in with her once a day and if you would like I can keep it between us, for privacy's sake."

"Ma'am I don't know…"

"You don't have to say anything Donna, just take care of yourself okay?"

"Okay." Donna replied matching the First Lady's grin. "Mrs. Bartlet?"

"Yes?"

"Did Josh…"

"No he didn't." Abby replied with another grin "Surprised?"

"A little."

"So was I. It was almost disappointing that I didn't have him pounding on the door last week with as much as he cares for you. No, he doesn't know anything about this, he knows that I was looking for a possible solution for you, but not that I have found one so if you want to not tell him that is fine."

"I don't know if I can do that, not tell him."

"No, I didn't think you would be able to either." Abby replied with a look of knowing. Donna began to blush and Abby changed the subject. "Now, would you like salami or ham?"

* * *

Josh returned from the Hill going straight to his office, he got there putting down his backpack on the chair and turned walking out of the office to find Donna, there was no sign of her. He turned retreating back in and saw that his desk was clean, the bookshelves were organized and his computer was on and waiting for him. He took a seat behind it logging on and began to check his email.

"Hey."

"Hey." Josh replied with a smile as Donna entered the office. His heart calmed when he saw her smiling at him. "How's it been?"

"Quiet."

"Good."

"How was the Hill?"

"Good, I didn't have to break too many arms." Josh replied with a smirk.

"Leo wants to see you when you get a break."

"Okay, have you eaten?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I have, I had lunch with the First lady."

"Really?"

"Yep…" Donna began to reply as the telephone rang. Josh picked it up and began talking into the receiver.

"Lyman…uh huh…yeah, okay…great…we'll be there….yeah…..bye" josh finished as he hung up the telephone and stood from his chair. "That was Alan from  
judiciary, he wants to talk with me in about forty five."

"You want me to cancel Quinn?"

"Yeah, set it up for tomorrow morning." Josh replied as they walked down to Leo's office. "I am going to need…"

"The end of year projections and the list of relevant documents. I'll put them in your bag."

"Was it a good lunch?"

"Yeah, it was. I'll tell you about it later."

"Okay, meet me back here in about ten?" Josh said as he opened Leo's door and walked in.

Donna walked back to her desk gathering the necessary items for Josh's meeting. She went into the office and began packing his bag when there was a knock on the door.

"Hey." Sam greeted.

"Hey."

"I was looking for Josh."

"He's in with Leo, did you need something?"

"No, it's okay I'll ask Josh." Sam replied looking at her uncertainly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, how's your first day back?"

"Fine, busy but fine."

"You aren't too busy are you, I mean I could…"

"Sam, I'm fine. Thanks though." Donna replied as she picked up Josh's bag and headed toward Leo's office.

"Is he on his way out?"

"Yeah, judiciary wants to talk to him."

"Do you know what about?"

"No, but I would think it would be about the inquiry."

"Yeah, I had almost begun to forget about that with everything going…" Sam started and then stopped as he stared oddly at Donna. "I have to…um…I'll see you later…"

"Bye." Donna replied watching as he dashed down the hall. She stopped and waited patiently for Josh to come out. Finally the door opened and he appeared. She handed him his bag walking with him into the main hall. "You cancelled Quinn?"

"Not yet, I will."

"Okay I should be back by five."

"Have fun." Donna called as she watched him leave.

Josh walked to his car and drove downtown to Alan's office. He walked in and was promptly greeted by Susan, Alan's assistant. She lead him into the conference room where he waited patiently.

His thoughts drifted to Donna as they had often times through the day. She looked fine earlier, she looked happy to be back at work and he hoped she was playing by the rules. He knew that she probably wasn't and that was okay as long as she didn't push it. Things seemed almost normal, almost. There was a long road ahead and he knew that, but it was comfort to know that he had told her how he felt and that would be something they could lean on to get through the hard times that were rapidly approaching. The campaign, the unending bashing of the Press, Hoynes and the inquiry…

"Hello Josh."

"Guy." Josh replied as the man stepped into the room with two others. They quickly got down to negotiations. The meeting lasted around two hours and then broke as they decided to revisit the conversation in two days. Josh left the office and headed back to the White House with a nagging in the back of his mind. His cell phone rang and he quickly answered.

"Lyman."

"Josh." CJ said.

"Hey, what's up?"

"It's going to break at seven."

"Which way are we going?'

"Non credible."

"Okay, have you talked to Donna?"

"Yeah she's here with me now." CJ replied.

"I'm about ten minutes away."

"Okay I'll get everyone together, we can meet in the conference room."

"I'm on my way."

Josh hung up the telephone and chewed on the information he had just been given. He trusted that CJ could handle it, make it less than awful. They knew it had been coming and so they were prepared, that was definitely a good thing. Hopefully they could keep it under control and bury it as soon as possible.

There was that nagging feeling again, it was really beginning to annoy him. He pulled up to the White house and headed inside where he was promptly met by Sam.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"What are you doing here? I thought you and Toby would have been in the conference room already."

"Yeah." Sam replied as he continued to walk with Josh. "I need to talk to  
you."

"What about?"

"I…"

"Sam, what?" Josh asked as he stopped turning to Sam.

"We are going to have a problem."

"What else is new?"

"What were you planning to do about the inquiry?'

"What do you mean?"

"Donna and the inquiry, what were you planning to do?"

"I don't know I hadn't really thought about it yet."

"Well we should."

"Donna can get a medical excuse not to testify, it's not like she's…"

"That's the problem?"

"What?"

"She can't."

"Can't what?'

"Get a medical stay."

"Yes she can."

"Josh she can't, not if she is going to stay."

"What do you mean she can't, of course she can it's not like her testimony  
is going to…"

"Josh, we are going to say that Donna's illness has no effect on her job right? Thus her remaining in her position."

"Yeah."

"So we are going to allow her to keep her position even in the situation as it is perceived by the Media as stress filled but we aren't going to allow her to testify…"

"Oh god…"

"You see where I am going with this…"

"Yeah." Josh replied as his face suddenly filled with panic. He rushed down the hall Sam following close behind. "We need to see Leo."

"Yeah."

***

"So how do you feel?" CJ asked.

"Fine."

"You didn't have any problems today?"

"No, none at all."

"How often will you be communicating with your doctor?"

"Twice a week for the next month until the dosage has been established and then once every six months." Donna replied as the door of the conference room opened and Carol walked in.

"CJ."

"Yeah?"

"I need you."

"Okay." CJ replied as she stood and left the room. Toby continued to pace as Donna sat silently. She tried not to look directly at him and then suddenly he stopped looking at her.

"I'm sorry if I made it sound like this was your fault last night Donna."

"Toby, I understand why you said what you did, you are just looking out for everyone. There is no need to apologize for that." Donna replied as Toby absorbed her words. She had always understood where he was coming from and never faulted him for it. She knew it was business and nothing personal. She looked apprehensive and nervous as she sat in the chair across the table. He wanted to say something to ease her fear but he couldn't think of anything.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you Donna, you deserve every happiness."

"Thank you Toby. So do you." Donna replied with a smile back at him.

The door of the conference room opened again, CJ and Carol both walking in.

"Toby I have a thing…"

"What's up?"

"Where's Josh?"

"I saw him in the foyer with Sam a couple of minutes ago I can…" Carol replied as CJ walked over to Toby.

"No, I'll go…"Donna replied as she stood from her chair and left the room. She closed the door behind her and started toward the communication pen. Carol said that Sam had been with Josh so maybe they went Sam's office.

It was nice of Toby to apologize for he had said, he was a sweet guy when  
no one was watching.

Donna hoped that CJ was right and this whole media mess would just go away. She wanted to get back to her job and stop having to second guess her every move. She turned the corner and found the communications pen empty. She sighed and walked down toward Josh's office.

She quickly reached it and walked in.

"Ms. Moss."

"Yes?" She turned and saw Oliver Babish thumbing through one of Josh's  
books.

"I was wondering when I might see you again."

"I've been away."

"So I heard. Would you happen to know where your boss maybe at this moment?"

"No, as a matter of fact I am looking for him myself." Donna replied confidently meeting his gaze.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all." Donna replied as she turned and left the office. She walked aimlessly, Oliver keeping stride with her.

"We never got to finish our conversation."

"No we didn't."

"That is something that we are going to need to do."

"Yes, of course. Whenever it is convenient for you I will be happy to come  
down to your office."

"Good, I am glad to see that you will be cooperating."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I had expected to get a doctors note of some kind excusing you from  
gym."

"No. I mean I haven't…"

"Ms Moss you do realize regardless of your continuation in this position, if subpoenaed you will still be required to testify in front of a grand jury on your involvement in the case."

"Yes….of course, I had no intention." Donna replied as she stopped in front of Leo's office.

"I don't care what your intentions are or were I just care that you show up." Oliver replied with a cutting edge in his voice and a smile on his face.

"Josh may be with Leo, I will check." Donna replied, her voice shaking as she disappeared into the outer office. Margaret wasn't around and the door was ajar. Donna went to knock but stopped when she hear yelling coming from inside the room.

"She's a liability and you have to get rid of her…"

"If she screws up it is going to be your neck…"

"Shut her down and bury her, make it so Donna Moss never existed." Leo added.

Donna's heart stopped, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She turned swiftly and ran straight into Oliver who she didn't realize was standing right behind her the whole time. She quickly stepped out of the way and left the office. Oliver watched her go and walked back up to the door waiting another moment before knocking.

"That's what he's going to say."

"So what do we do?"

"About what?" Oliver said as he walked into the office. The three men turned and looked at him.

"Well we might as well get this over now. Come in Oliver." Leo said as Oliver leaned against the side wall.

"What do you need?"

"I could say the same to you."

"You first."

Josh and Sam took a seat as Leo explained the situation. Oliver listened quietly and as Leo finished he stood upright and began to walk around the room.

"How long has she worked for you?"

"Four years."

"So since the beginning."

"Yes."

"And this is the same woman that was informed of the President's MS before  
the rest of the staff."

"Yes."

"And you want to know if there is any way you can get her subpoena waived for health reasons without it looking like we have something to hide."

"Yes."

"No."

"No?"

"No, there is no way that you can get the subpoena waived because of health issues."

"What if she is released?"

"No."

"Why?" Josh exclaimed in frustration.

"Because it is imperative that all evidence be presented. Without that there will always be a question of credibility and cover up. You ask them to wave a witness and it will blow up in your face. Sure they'll say okay but then they will call every support staff member in this administration. Making this long, making this messy and making it worse than it already is."

"There has to be a way…"

"There isn't." Oliver replied sternly. "If you have to have a closed session fine, if you have to have doctor sitting next to her taking her blood pressure I don't care, but you will not interfere or give anyone any reason to think that you are withholding information."

That being said Leo dismissed Josh and Sam to work out the details with CJ, Toby and Donna. They walked down the hall and into the conference room where CJ, Carol and Toby waited.

"Where were you?"

"With Leo and Oliver."

"What's going on?"

"We had some details to discuss." Sam replied as he took a seat at the  
table.

"Where's Donna?"

"I sent her to find you."

"Okay, Sam explain what s going on, I am going to find Donna." Josh replied as headed back out of the conference room.

He couldn't believe this was happening and there was no way to stop it, she  
was going to have to testify whether he liked it or not. They would have to speak to her doctor and possibly Mrs. Bartlet to decide the best course of action.

_Damn it!_

Josh cruised through the halls not seeing any sign of her, he check his office, the communications pen and the main pen, still nothing. Where could she have gone?'

He headed back toward the conference room passing Leo's office just as Oliver was leaving.

"Josh."

"Yeah."

"Can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"The reason I came down here was to actually talk to you."

"What about?"

"I would like to go over your and Ms. Moss's depositions again. I never finished my original conversation with Ms. Moss and there are a few things I would like to speak with you about together."

"Yeah okay, call me later this week and we will set it up." Josh replied as he began to turn away.

"Josh?" Oliver as josh turned back toward him. "Just before I walked into the office, were you discussing Ms. Moss and her position here?"

"Not really...but yeah...I think so….why?"

"Well that would explain it."

"What?"

"I was waiting in your office earlier and Ms. Moss came looking for you. She led me to Leo's office."

"Okay thanks."

"No, I don't think you are understanding what I am saying. Ms. Moss was there just before I entered the office, she heard the conversation you were having."

"What…do you know where she went?"

"No but I suggest you find her, for all your sakes." Oliver replied as he watched Josh's mind visibly whirl. "Josh she will be there… no matter what."

Josh was in his car heading to Donna's apartment, he had to find her and explain. She overheard the worst possible part of the conversation and he needed to make sure that she knew it wasn't about her. It was, but it really wasn't.

He hoped that she would have enough sense to go home.

_She was upset and probably angry, she would go home right? _

_Great way to be supportive there Josh, her first day back and she thinks that she is a liability and you are going to fire her, perfect._

He pulled up to her apartment and walked upstairs, he heard loud music from  
within and after a few minutes the door opened.

"Nancy."

"Hey Josh."

"Is Donna here?"

"No, I haven't seen her."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, why did you screw up again?"

"Something like that. Look if she comes home can you have her call me please?" josh said as he pulled out his card handing it to her.

"Yeah, sure."

"I don't care what time it is, just be sure and call me okay?"

"Okay."

"Thanks." Josh replied as she closed the door. Just as she did his cell rang and he quickly answered it. "Lyman."

"Where are you?" Sam asked.

"She's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone?"

"I've looked everywhere, I'm at her apartment now. Apparently she was with Oliver and overheard what we were saying just before Oliver arrived."

"Where do you think she went?"

"I don't know."

"Yeah okay, we'll handle things here, Josh…"

"I have to go."

"What are you going to do?"

"Find her, try to explain what is going on, what she heard."

"You said Oliver was with her?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know what was said?"

"No, but from our conversation in Leo's office it couldn't have been good."

"Yeah." Sam replied grimly. "Call us when you find her, or if you need help."

"Yeah okay." Josh replied as he hung up the cell and got back in his car.

_Come on baby, where are you…_

Josh spent the next two hours searching all of Washington, with no sign of Donna. He decided that the best course of action would be to sit in front of her apartment until she came home. He figured she would have to eventually and he would be there when she did.

How was he going to explain this, she would be devastated if she thought that he was going to fire her after everything they had been through.

So much for trying to keep her stress levels down, this had probably shot them through the roof. Damn it, he said he wasn't going to do this and yet again he had, without letting her in on his thoughts and once again it had back fired in his face.

He had just wanted to protect her and once again he had made matters worse. Imagine that. He was anxious, she was out there somewhere thinking that it had all  
been for nothing and that he was going to walk away when the exact opposite  
was true.

He had never need or wanted her as much as he did right now, not  
because she was weak and needed him to protect her, help her. But because of her strength and determination not to let his ruin or rule her life. His cell rang and Josh quickly picked it up hoping it was Donna.

"Hello."

"Josh."

"Donna, where are you?"

"What?"

"Where are you?"

"Standing in your office."

"Stay there, I'll be right there."

"Ok…"

Josh arrived at the White House ten minutes later and he burst through the doors going straight to his office. He saw her standing next to her desk reading something and went straight to her. He honestly didn't know whether to be angry or relieved.

"Donna."

"Hey, where have you been?" Donna replied as she looked at him with a smile.

"Where have I been?" Josh replied sarcastically, he stopped, took her hand and pulled her into his office closing the door behind them.

"Josh what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Donna I have been frantically searching for you for the past  
two hours!"

"Why?"

"Because I thought….I mean….Oliver told me that you overheard the conversation Leo, Sam and…"

"So you automatically assumed that I was upset and had taken off."

"Well…yeah…" Josh replied as he saw the calmness of her face.

"And you went searching for me, hoping to rescue me once again."

"Yeah, I mean no…"

"I don't need you to rescue me every time something happens Joshua, I am  
not…."

"I know that but I…."

"I did overhear your conversation with Leo, but that's not why I left. I had a doctors appointment, which I did tell you about this morning."

"But you…"

"Okay fine, I will admit that I was disturbed by the things I overheard and that I did leave unannounced but I wasn't going to just run away Josh. I came back here and decided that you would get an earful. Then you were gone and everyone was acting very strange, so I called you."

"Donna what you heard wasn't…

"What I heard was the truth plain and simple." Donna replied as she stood confidently opposite him. "You don't have to explain I understand."

"No you don't, sweetheart…"

"Don't sweetheart me, I love you but you aren't going to get off that easy Lyman!" Donna protested fire and ice in her voice.

"Donna…"

"No. You aren't going to stand here and tell me that we knew this was going to happen. I have no intention of letting you fire me. You are stuck with me whether you like it or not!" Donna exclaimed as she struggled with her words. "I am not going to just stand here and let everyone else decided what I am capable of doing! You know it's not the disease that kills you it's the label that suffocates your will to live and move past the disease. I understand why President Bartlet did what he did, obviously you couldn't  
fire him , because he's your boss. But that doesn't make up for the underlying issues…" Donna said as she took a breath and began to pace in front of him. Josh watched her carefully as she continued to spout her feelings at him, her frustration and anger. He couldn't help but think how adorable she looked. "You guys just can't decided one day that someone is a liability and just give up! I wouldn't let you do it before and I am not  
going to let you do it now. So if you think that you can just pat me on the head and say thanks you are just…"

"I love you…"

"What?" Donna replied as she suddenly stopped, turning to him.

"I love you." Josh said confidently as he walked to her taking her into his arms. "I know that this is going to be hard and I am severely stupid at times but I love you and I would never do anything that would jeopardize what we have become."

"Josh…"

"Me saying this is purely selfish and I will admit that, but I don't want to ever have to go through what I went through tonight, wondering if you are okay and if you know how much you mean to me." Josh started to explain as he moved toward her taking her hands in his. "So when I got back here I realized that it has always been like this, the two of us fighting through all of the crap together and that's the way I always want it to be. There is going to be crisis after crisis whether it is the inquiry, or Hoynes, or the press, and we will argue and misunderstand and things will get confused but  
we will get through every one together. I want you to always remember though no matter what happens down the road that I love you."

"I love you too, Joshua." Donna replied as she smiled at him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist pressing his forehead against hers, breathing her in. Donna traced the line of his jaw with her fingertip. Not knowing where  
any of this had come from but knowing that he meant it and that was all that mattered. He leaned into her brushing her lips gently and then pulling her passionately against him. They stayed like that for a long while, knowing that no matter what happened they would always have each other.

That was the way it was meant to be, and who were they to argue with fate.

"Josh."

"Yes beautiful."

"Does this mean I'm not getting fired?"

The End

Hope you enjoyed!

Feedback always welcome!


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